My Sydney Clare.....

Tomorrow my baby turns 15.  My sweet Sydney Clare....
And in true "proud momma" form...A picture or 2...or 200 :)....really IS a worth a thousand words.  This child has brought more laughter and fun into my life than anybody in the world.  Happy Birthday to my precious Sydney Clare!  <3

This is classic.  My most favorite-ist pic ever!!!  The essence of this child.....

All smiles at our favorite place!

My team.

Just one of her little sneaky notes she leaves me at my office.  This has to be my FAVORITE!  :)

Love these two!

Mission Arlington 2013.  In fact...this is where she is spending her birthday this year!  What a kid!

Our little dancing queens!

Just a few of my favs.  My BFF!

Leaving for Choir Tour '13!

Snuggled up watching a lil soggy Panther football!

My pretty girl....

My little fam....

Headed to watch BJH dance!

Beach bum...

I'm their biggest fans...

Panther pride...<3

Cute little pucker....

First day of being a "grader" for Syd!

They made me a "ribbon" in the sand!

Cheese dip makes her smile!  (Like her momma!)

Where has the time gone???

Still happy to see momma after school!

Go hogs!  Tailgating in 2012.

Beach balcony pic - PCB 2013

You could NEVER tell that she had just thrown a hissy fit because she didn't want to take a picture!  :)

She loves her Uncle Jay....

Tweedle DEE....and Tweedle DUM....<3

Buds...

Outside Whataburger -- one of our favorites in Destin! 2013

Art Show at Bethel Middle School.  2007

Spring Break in Cozumel, 2012!

A regular "little sister" at the ballpark!  2005

....and again in 2006!  :)

More tailgate fun!  WPS!  2012

We celebrated Syd's birthday in the middle of the Gulf in 2012!  Surprised her with a cake!  :)

Pretty girl...

Panama City Beach, 2013

BJH Dance tribute!  Tryouts for high school Pepstepper next week...Yikes!  Go Syd!

Some BEACH...Somewhere....  Cozumel!  Spring Break 2012

She made this pic for me years ago.  I LOVE it!  <3

In her words...we were looking "Ratchet" at the beach!  2010

About to win Nationals with "The Bird"!  Best tap dance EVER!

"Totes presh"  hehe

Sydney Selfie....<3

Crashing the BMS Dance in the 4th grade!

Caribbean Cake!  13th birthday! 2012

She looks like a little "Gap" ad.....Love this one!

Lake fun!

Merry Christmas!

Headin home from Orange beach! 2010

Cardboard ministry....2012

Cotillion Holly Ball! 2010

Joe Cool.....

My sweet Syd....

One of her many hours at the studio!

Go Cubs!

Go Cubs!

Talent on Parade!

My favorite Diamond Doll!

Father Daughter banquet 2011

Just a dork...

Happy Happy Happy!  Vacay 2013

Captain's Dinner -- Cruise...Spring Break 2012

Selfie....

All smiles!

Green!

Dance competition makeup!

Headin to watch some Panther baseball!

Razorback Tailgate 2009

Ice cream anyone??  Spring Break 2012

My Favorite PIC EVER!!! 

Christmas 2011

Fall Family Pics 2012

Salem Elementary - 4th grade

Go Panthers!  Family Day 2014

Just a few of my favs.....

I love this child.  God! I love this child!

Orange Beach 2011

Spring Break 2012

I love her!  Orange Beach 2011

Party Central B-day!  2006

Orange Beach 2011

Panther fans!

Party Central fun!  2006

Pool fun!

Orange Beach 2011

Hog watch 2005!

No words....

She is so beautiful!

...Inside and out...

Destin 2006

Salsa Dance!  "Let's Get Loud!"

PCB 2013

Go Panthers!

Crazy kiddos!

Road Trip!

Spring Break in Progresso!  2012

Sing Sing Sing!

Christmas presents make me happy~!

Snow Day!

Stomp!

More selfies...

Christmas 2013

Quit growin up....

Her first recital!

More studio time!

Viking Cheer!

VBS, 2005

Crazy kiddos!  We love Chloe!

With Papaw Pete, 2005

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, precious, God-loving, God-LIVING, crazy, energetic, spunky, bossy, funny, and spirt-filled Sydney Clare!

I simply love you more than words!

Mom



The List

As a momma....I'm normal in the fact that from the depths of my soul, I want my kids to be happy.  From the very PIT of my being, I want them to never experience pain, regret, failure, or unhappiness of any kind.  AND like most parents, I do everything within my power to protect their little hearts.


The fact is....reality deals each of us opportunities, risks, and yes, even some pain. The hardest "apron string" to cut is to place the happiness of my children in the hands of others.  And, since they have both chosen to go down the road of competitive sports/dance, then I've had to do just that.  I wonder if Coaches know what an impact they have on our children?  If they realize that our kiddos hang on every word for the least bit of feedback, validation, and praise?? 


For both of mine, its been years of preparation.  Not just Sam.  Not just Sydney Clare.  But as a family....we have so many hours, and money, and energy perfecting their talents and making them the best they can possibly be.  I hope they will always remember that to me....they ARE the very best.  I watch them....and they are the best where it counts.....in the heart.  No matter where Sam lands on the roster LIST....he is happy.  He is the first one to cheer on his teammates.  He is a leader on the field and from the bench.  That's pretty cool.  I've come to realize over time....that HIS attitude about things is most often much better than mine.  His eyes point to Jesus.


For my Sydney....it's nearing "that time" again.  Try out week.  I've posted about this before....a bit of a humorous satire of our lives during this week each year...
http://terricoxbaker.blogspot.com/2013/04/dance-mom.html


Sydney loves to dance.  She loves to be a part of the legacy of Benton spirit groups....as they have a reputation across our state and even the nation for being superb.  The elite.  The best.  I'm not sure it is possible for anyone to work any harder than these girls do.  It is incredible.


The downside to such a talented group.....is the talent that goes unnoticed.  The girl (s) who have danced since they began walking.....the girls whose families have followed them to one competition after another across the country and spent hours and hours and tons of money to develop her technique and watch them "win".....the girl who works hard and strives to get better and better.....
     This girl may not find her name on the list this year.  This girl may have a bad day.  This girl may not be able to land a quad at that particular moment but can land triples one after another...and the quad is only occasional.  Her toe touch may not reach the stars...but her toes are pointed and her smile is there.  Her technique and fundamentals are solid but on "this day" may not be flawless.  She may be able to do "four to a triple" in tours on any given day...but today, she might have bobbled and fell out of it.  She may have performed the dance....that she learned only one-two days before perfectly 10 times in a row at home....only to forget the ending.  ANYTHING can happen.  Anything. 


I have told Sydney over and over....that I'm not sure a dancer trying  out that can perform every required item on the list with a perfect score.  Some are jumpers....some are turners....some are flexible....and some are not.  She has the technique.  Any trained dancer can see that.  She is a fast learner.  She has learned to be calm under pressure.  All strengths for this week.  Still....a whole year of happiness....wrapped up in a 10 minute tryout.  Yikes!


We have been doing everything we can to prepare her.  Stretching every night....working on her technique....perfecting what we can to score high on every element.  Privates.....clinics....you name it.  She is as ready as she possibly can be.


All this week...as the cheerleaders have been having their tryout week.....I've felt the nerves set in for me.  For her?  She is ready for Spring Break!  haha   She is going on a mission trip with our church, and that is where her heart lies today.  Sydney is happy.  She spreads happiness and points HER eyes toward Jesus.  Because of this...I know that whether her name is on "the list" in 2 short weeks.....I know she will be just fine.


I pray for the girls.  For the judges.  For the coaches.  For the upcoming team.  For the parents and families who will be impacted one way....or another....by the LIST.  I pray for safety, and mostly....for joy.  Lord, please place your hedge of protection for us all.


In Him,
Terri


Note:  I will be having surgery, Wednesday, March 26 -- to have my port removed.  Another chapter closed.....to HIM we give all the glory!  :)  Prayers appreciated! 

Momma Unplugged....

Goodbye Facebook….InstaGram…Twitter…

   Or rather, see ya later…   It’s that time again.  When this “Methodist turned Baptist”….aka “Christian” recognizes the Season of Lent.   I am guilty of spending too much time there.  Too much focus.  Placing too much value.  Etc. 

I’ve shared my feelings about social media many, many times in this very blog.  Definitely a love-hate relationship with it.  Like most everything in life….there are both good and bad within it.  Some who use it as it is intended – to share (both news and information, life and pics), to laugh, to seek prayers and support, to love others.  And of course, those who don’t.  Too much of ANYTHING is not always a good thing.  AND….like rubberneckers on an AR highway checkin out a fender-bender….I can’t stop looking at the gossip, the drama, the nonsense.  Time to put it down.  To re-focus.  To unplug.

I’m guilty of “Shushing” my loved ones so I can “finish a post” or of tuning them out with my nose stuck in the phone.  I’m guilty some mornings of rolling over and “checking facebook” before I even pray, do my devotion, or even use the bathroom.  Of reaching for my Ipad before my bible.  I’m ashamed that, as an avid reader, I don’t think I’ve read much more than my Sunday school lesson, and a few chapters of a couple of Beth Moore freebies, since my hiney was parked on the beach last summer.  I even have HOURS of DVR’d favorites that I’ve not watched. 

I will defend myself in that I do spend time on Words with Friends….but other than that….I’m constantly plugged in to the way too many forms of social media at my fingertips.

In church yesterday, Pastor Rick introduced our memory verse for March:

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

This really got me to thinking.  About our intentions as fellow believers.  What a great time to use this time as a refocus.  This is a wonderful verse to lead us into this wonderful time before Easter. 

I met some girlfriends to see the “Son of God” movie Friday night.  Another vivid reminder of all the pain and suffering that Jesus Christ endured so that we could have forgiveness.  Our yesterdays do not matter.    Only our todays….and of course, our tomorrows.  He gave us this grace, folks.  Do-overs.  Mulligans.  Second chances…and thirds…and fourths…and….

Why can we get so fired up about sports (Go Hogs!!) and become so quiet about the Savior?

Why do we so readily share our political views, but sometimes think twice before we speak when it comes to sharing Jesus?

Why do we call all our friends to tell them about a great restaurant we found and don’t make the call to tell them about the Redeemer we know?

Why do we show more passion about the new diet, new outfit, new car, new home, new hobby, new vacation spot, new job, new movie, new iPhone app, new whatever…than a relationship with Christ?

Why is it easier to talk about anything else…than Jesus?

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power…!” If this is true, why do we often feel so wimpy and powerless when it comes to sharing the most important message in time and eternity?

Something to really think about.  Please pray for me as I use this time wisely.  To turn my eyes back to Him.  And to the pieces of my heart walking around outside my body…..my SCB’s. 

I’m excited to “Un-plug.”  No more “liking”, posting, twitting, tweeting, instagramming, commenting, or updating.  This momma is shutting it down.   Stay tuned…..I know God has some wonderful ways to fill my time, and I’ll be happy to share!  <3

Blessings In Him,

Terri

Senior Moments

 I've been walking around with a lump in my throat for a couple of weeks now.  While I've not really had a "good cry" in a while....I have that feeling that it really won't take much to set me off and I'll be a mess.


I was standing in line at the pharmacy a few days ago and I heard a little old man joking with the cashier about being forgetful and called them "Senior Moments."  I've heard that reference throughout my life....and have actually been a victim of them from time to time....aka "chemo brain"....but I can relate.


HOWEVER....I'm now experiencing a different type of "Senior Moment" from time to time.  These occur with the milestones of my oldest child nearing the end of his Junior year.  Already, we are in the throws of "Senior" things. 


The booking of Senior pictures, Ordering of Senior rings, ACT testing (and how many more times we can take it to get the scores higher....God help us!), CAPS conferences....where we as parents go with our child to register for classes next year....for this is the LAST time I will do this with  my Sam. 


Even little things....like a text from the football coach asking the "Seniors" to vote on certain things for next year.  HOLD the phone, Coach.  He isn't a Senior just yet.  Give Momma a little more time, will ya?  :)  And we get college solicitations in the mail no less than 3 days per week.  I'm about to lose it.  I'm not ready.


IF all of this isn't enough....My Sydney Clare....my BABY....will be a sophomore.  A Sophomore, y'all.  In HIGH SCHOOL.  I will also be registering HER next week...I may need drugs.  Or wine.  Or a group.  Something.  Attended the Dance Tryout Parent meeting Monday evening.  She is working her hiney off for the Pepstepper tryouts coming up.  The HIGH SCHOOL dance team at Benton.  Wasn't I just helping her with her tights yesterday?  5-6-7-8.....Shuffffleee....Ball Change....Step!  Where did all the time go?


I was at the Baseball field on Saturday, and Sydney's classmates were taking the field as freshman.  Reality check.


Prayer.  That is what I need.  Prayer.  LOTS of prayer. 


All of these "Senior Moments" are hitting me too much.  Too fast.  I need more time.  I want more time.  I have several friends with grown kiddos, kiddos graduating this year, etc....sitting here thinking "Suck it up!"....and I know I should just put on my big girl face and let them grow up like everyone else.  But today...I'm choosing to whine about it.  Do these creatures know just how much I love them?  My whole life revolves around them. 


Precious kiddos....these two.  Let me say it again...I'm just not ready.


I look at what all we have been through as a family.....as a team.  God has blessed us so much.  We have an ENORMOUS village around us and I know that we are right where we need to be.  Our friends, church family, coaches, and teachers have molded these children into wonderful beings and I am so grateful.


Here is a glimpse of where we live, worship, and serve....
http://vimeo.com/85672992


Teaching us NOT to strive to be like other Christians.  But to strive to be like CHRIST.  Grow.  Give.  Go. 


I can see moments of innocence in the both of them......times when they clearly "still need their momma"....and then times when I think they are so independent.  Times when its a little more "momma needs them."  Their spirit.  Their sense of humor.  Their hearts.  Their love.  Their everything.  How in the world did I get so lucky????

I love my Sam and Sydney Clare.  Senior Moments....slow down!  <3

In Him,

Terri

"Mean Momma"

If you're a perfect parent, who is convinced that "My child will never...." (fill in the appropriate blank)....then stop reading now.  Please.  Because if you offer me YOUR advice....we most likely will no longer be friends. :)


Parenting is hard.  Single-parenting is harder.  And parenting "these days" are next to impossible.  Tonight?  I'm mad.  I'm mad at the little boy that made me a mom.  At one of the two humans that I love more than anyone or anything in this entire world.  At my "momma's boy." I'm so aggravated and disappointed in my son....who in the whole grand scheme of things is a terrific kid. 


I really want to kill him.  (Not really....but I DO want to put my foot to his.....ummmmm hind-end.)  I'm not going into detail as to why.  I will not divulge.  As it IS a private matter.  What he has done isn't important.  His actions are NOT the purpose of my post tonight.....so please don't email or text me and ask.  My purpose is to vent.  To work through my emotions as a parent.  To beggggg for prayers so that I can guide my children.


When I list his qualities.....
Good grades.
Gives 150% in all he participates.....Sports, Church, etc.
He is my brother in Christ....a child of God.....and has a love for the Lord that is evident most of the time.
Hard worker.  (Example...just yesterday:  Up at 6 am on a Saturday....ACT test, two baseball games (literally ate lunch in the dugout in between innings), and then off to his part time job until late that evening. 
He is oftentimes up before I am on any given Sunday for Sunday School and church.
He loves me.  And shows it.  He is good to his momma.  Always.
He loves his sister......and shows it....sometimes.  :)
Doesn't drink or do drugs.  And yes....I'm 100% sure.
Obeys curfews and my rules.
He is respectful to others.
A good kid.


Is he perfect?  Nope.  His room is a pigsty.  He would forget his head if not attached.  I have made my fair share of trips to the school because he has forgotten this or that.....and I've saved his hiney on more than one occasion. 
He smells like a foot most of the time.  Boys (and their stuff) just stink.  He forgets to shave sometimes for days and is hairy.  His bathroom is gross.....
Ok.  Ya get the picture. 


My point is.....He IS a kid.  He needs guidance and direction.  And boundaries. 


What is an appropriate curfew?  We just play it by ear on a case-by-case basis.  i.e., 30 mins after the end of the movie.  Or come straight home after the game....etc.etc.  I make him check in a time or two throughout an outing.  Am I too lenient?


Do your kids have chores?  We take turns cleaning the kitchen after supper.  My children do the majority of their own laundry.  My son mows the yard. 


Do you make your kids pay for anything?  Case in point.  My son has a job.  Pays for most of his gas for truck  (that was given to him!).  New baseball bat?  I paid half....he paid half.  Am I being mean?


As a parent...are we too free with technology?  Are we "creeping" enough? 
My rule in this house is..."If I'm buying....I'm spying."  I've heard that before....and it pretty much sums it up.  IF you are texting my son or my daughter.....chances are....you are texting their mom too. 


Kids are shying away from Facebook....it's now a playground for adults.  Some use it as it is intended....to share, network, to give/receive support and prayers and enjoy.  Others....its an avenue for the lonely and the passive aggressive.  Uggggg.....no wonder our kids are skewed.  This week, I was having a discussion with a friend over whether or not his business should develop a FB page.  And it was decided....heck no!  The first time you tick someone off....you're in "damage control" mode then.  Nobody is perfect....and people use social media to expose every flaw.  Sometimes I think it is Satan's playground.  Be careful friends.....Words....while they can heal?  They can kill.  Some stones just can't be unthrown.


Anyway.....my current interest and focus....which is now the interest of my teens....is Twitter.  I'm so impressed with some of the kids that my children rub shoulders with.  WOW!  God has placed such amazing people in their lives.  While a few?  Can I say wow! again???  The language....the words that are said, pictures, and activities these kids tweet about make we wonder....WHERE in the heck are these parents???  Wake up people!  If I am a college recruiter.....or a manager that is in charge of hiring young people? You can BET,  I'm lookin' on Twitter.  Does this make me weird?


Our kids are watching. And what are they learning?  That the keyboard.....is a larger weapon than ANY gun.  There lies more "courage" than I've ever seen.  I'm just saddened. 


Motherhood can NOT just be a spectator sport.  Check their accounts.  Read what they are writing.  Both in public and in private.  There IS such a thing as too much privacy....right?  Know who is talking to your children.  UNTIL they aren't children anymore. 


For those trying to guess what my sweet son has done?  Well....he is not guilty of any of what I've vented most about.  He is guilty for not coming to me.  For keeping me in the dark about some things.  I've failed at providing some trust for him to come to me.  Then...when I think about it.  He is being normal.  Some things...."ya just don't talk to your mom about."  My purpose of venting about all the info ya can get from a little box (aka iphone).....is to let others know that you need to be spying, too.  We need to be in this together.... I'll watch out for yours....and please, please watch out for mine!


We need to pray for God's provision on our kids!!! 
Proverbs 22:6 -- "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."


I'm hoping he will thank me one day, for being a mean momma.   I love that boy....I'm just scared to death.  Of this world that he is in. 
What are we teaching our kids????  Is my attitude totally over the line?  Should I really have THIS opinion on things?


Where is the "Mommy Manual" when ya need one.  Help!


In Him,
Terri

"Keep Making Me"

The crummy weather lately has slowed our lives down significantly.  Funny how the Lord knows when we need some down time....and forces it upon us.  Frankly...I love it!  :) 




That said, I've been alone in my thoughts quite a bit, and digging into the Word via a couple of devotionals and of course, the commitments we have made as a family to do.   As I've shared before....so many times, I'm touched by music.  K-Love has single-handedly got to be the ministry that has touched me like no other.  Most likely because it is piped throughout my office daily, and is a staple in my car. After all, we are creatures of habit.   And those are two of the places I spend the majority of my time.




But that said, Christian music can SO turn your day around.  Can't tell ya how many times it has pulled me out of road rage.....or a morning grumpy mood....or settled me down after a trying day.  It just reaches me.  I've blogged several times around a song that enters my thoughts and will not go away.  Tonight....I have another....

http://youtu.be/BGkmPeVpBbI


I'm having trouble sharing the video tonight....so instead there is the link.  This song touches me almost above no other right now.  Bear with me....these words are so necessary and RELEVANT in order to bring my thoughts into words.

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel

I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

I think of the times in my life when I've been so incredibly broken.  There have been plenty.  Oftentimes due to my own choices.  Others due to the choices of others.  I look back, yes with some pain.....but I see how God used those times.  How He taught me to completely focus on Him.  How he never left me.  How He guided specific events in my favor....when I did not understand it at the time.  How He taught me lessons that I'll never forget.  That HIS plan is perfect.....and MY plan was far from it.  His understanding that I am not perfect and His steadfast being beside me.  Broken before Him.....taught me grace.

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

Emptiness.  There is no greater pain.  I guess I'm not the alone in the fact that I've suffered broken relationships.  There are times when I've had to walk away.  Feeling just exhausted and empty.  Friendships, divorce, etc.  When I love...I love completely and deeply.  Not the "romantic" kind of love.  But a love that honors and respects.  A love that causes fear.  Fear of abandonment and betrayal.  When I've felt that "emptiness"....I am now beginning to understand that God fills me....like nothing else.  He has given me earthly relationships that will stand the test of time, disappointments, and just life.  He has taught me that forgiveness, whether accepted or not, should be given....and that is love.  Daily...I'm reminded that He places us where we need to be.  And guides us away from where we don't need to be.  I'm thankful for my "emptiness".....or else I wouldn't know the feeling of being "filled." 

 Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

I've experienced various degrees of loneliness.  And it has been in those darkest of times, that my faith has grown the most.  Two failed marriages, a move to a new city, job changes, loss of my mother, my illness....and life AFTER my illness.  I've had some really deep feelings of being alone.  I almost chuckle now....as I see the things He has done when I look to him. Friends, I wouldn't change a line in the book of my life.....and I've had some pretty big "lines" (read...CHAPTERS) that I need to erase.  But I'll say it again....not a line.  God has taken this ordinary sinner......this earthly person.....this broken and hardened heart.....this sick body.....and this little old life.....and made me have an extraordinary love for Him.  I see people that I've hurt forgive me.  I've seen people that have hurt me, see the open door and walk through it.  All the pain is coming full circle because of HIM.  He is THE light in our dark world. 

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

I just cannot get enough.  I cannot tell you the ways that my God has delivered me.  How He continues to "make me."  How blessed I am with those He has placed around me throughout every phase of my life.  Through my mistakes and my failures.....and my victories and celebrations.  Life is not nearly as hard as is used to be. Since I've learned to trust Him with my heart, my love, my children, my money, my job, my friends...... It really is a peace that surpasses my understanding.  Test Him.....I dare ya.  :)
I know I've rambled....and my mind is still swirling with the words of this song and the many ways it applies to events in my life.  Earthly miracles that I simply cannot explain but simply have to give the glory to Him.  One day, I want to be remembered NOT by the mistakes I made....but how my mistakes made me BETTER.  Here's a start....


God is so cool.
In Him,
Terri


PS.  A few weeks ago, while in search of this song, I stumbled upon this link, where Dave, from Sidewalk Prophets digs into this song and its meaning to him.  It is definitely worth a listen.  I've made it my devotional more than once, and plan to share with my children.  "Pray scary prayers".....wow.  Let that sink in.


http://youtu.be/0OeoyGBqV_A