Wednesday, May 29, 2013

20 things I'm not SUPPOSED to say.....

What I LOVE about facebook....are the real original statuses.... and pics.  That's it.  Of course, I've been known to share the occasional "quote", bible verse, and even a link every now and again if its either hilarious or informational.  Other than that?  Its my pure randomness and pretty much what is on my mind at any given moment.  Its real! 

Lately, my news feed has been taken hostage by recipes (OH LORD! the recipes), and the "pretty pictures with the quote" across it.  Yes, I love them.....the first, and maybe the second time I see them.  But after the 5th or 6th share....I'm bored.  Then you have the "smarty-pants" quotes that either the whole world KNOWS who they are directed at.....or even better they don't, and its a mystery.  Oh the games!   lol   I love ORIGINAL posts and pics of my friends and their kiddos' and their lives.   That's just me.  Not passing judgment on those who enjoy sharing them....but for me?  I enjoy originality.  Much more. 

Does it bug me?  not really.  Do I read them?  Most every single one.  Do I laugh?  yep.  I just like words from the heart and mind of each friend.  And love those who truly share their lives.  So please don't misunderstand and think I'm on a soapbox.  Because, I'm not.  Just said all this to lead into tonight's post.....

The quotes that catch my eye the most are those about being a "mom"......what a blessing it is, how its my greatest accomplishment, God's greatest gifts, etc. etc.  And of course, any person who knows me AT ALL....even a smidgen, knows that my life IS my children.  And yes I agree with all of the cheesy quotes.  But on the flip children ARE my life.  You're not supposed to list what drives ya crazy!!!  But guess what....I'm gonna vent.  Gonna warn ANY mother out there who has "teens" in their future.....THIS, is what ya have to look forward to!    (Go ahead and judge me....this is "in fun" and totally real.....and mine know I love them MORE than life.  So challenge me....I don't care!  ha)

Here we go for a laundry list of sorts......

1)  I am tired.  Bonafide exhaustion folks.  I remember the sleep deprivation from having infants and toddlers.....was only a few years ago that I had "2 under the age of 2"......and thinking...."I just want a nap!"  Well, it doesn't get better.....  in fact, bedtimes are later, radios are louder, friends are in and out the door, and when they start to drive????  You are wide awake LONG after they come home. 

2)  Prepare to have zero privacy.  I've got a kid attached to my hip every second that we are together.  The "spelling" of certain things they don't need to hear is no longer a luxury.  Nor are code words.  Its a free for watch your words.  And also watch your actions.  Like toddlers, they still notice everything.

3)  I have become very stupid.  Just ask my kiddos. And I'm told this often by the "Ugggggggg!!!!!" and the growl.  And the stomp off.   My darling Sydney Clare has this mastered. 

4)  If you have at least one daughter.....your clothes are no longer yours.  Neither is your jewelry. Or your shoes.  Or your makeup.  Hair brushes.  Shampoo.  Perfume.  Nothing.   In fact, sometimes your things disappear into thin air....If you are lucky, you might occasionally see it on facebook or instagram.  Be it on your child or one of their friends.  But, know when you purchase ANY item of clothing or accessory....its fair game.  You can TRY to lay down the rule that "I get to wear it first".....but be sure to let me know how that works out for ya!  :)

5)  Boys smell.  No amount of soap, deodorant, febreeze, scented candles.....NOTHING can mask that of a boy.  Even worse. They don't KNOW they smell.  Hygiene comes natural to us girls.  We want to smell pretty.  To this day? I've had to say "Have you brushed your teeth and put on deodorant?"  Really.  Its nasty.  With boys, its a learned process.   If I ever get car-jacked, I can throw Sam's football shoulder pads at them and it would be considered a lethal weapon.

6)  If you have one child... you are a parent.  If you have more than one?  You become a referee.  I have one child who is quiet as a mouse.  The other?  Sometimes I want to yank her voicebox out of her throat.  She has one tone....loud.  And there is a distinction in the "my brother is aggravating me" voice and any other kind.   

7)  You become an ATM.  Your money will most likely never be yours again.  Ever.  And if you have ANY thought in your head that "once my child gets out of diapers" or "out of formula" or the biggie:  "When they get out of daycare".....I'll get a raise!!!!   Think again.  In fact?  That myth makes me laugh out loud!    I could write an entire post about how expensive they are.......but I'll just highlight a couple.....
  *  If they come to ya for a "couple of bucks".....that is a minimum of $20.  And they hear "make that last" as "make that last until the end of the day."
  *  Name brands will kill ya.  Do you hear me?  Kill ya.  I guess it was that way for us when we were younger.  But I have kiddos begging for very expensive, very UGLY items.  Exhibit A:  Chacos.  Toms.  (Yes, I have not only bought my kiddos both.  I own both for myself.  Which leads me to #8 shortly)
  *  Sports, Dance, etc.  Cost a fortune.....Lessons, travel, equipment.....I mean. a. fortune.

8)  You may find yourself migrating to the fashions of these creatures.  Forgetting the fact that you are 20 years older and at LEAST 20 lbs heavier.  Just sayin.  Don't say you won't.  Because you will.  I own ugly Chacos and they are completely comfortable!!!  :)

9)  Cell phones.  This could be a separate post as well!  Why they call them a phone?  I don't know.  Because the thing done the LEAST on them is talk.  Kids don't "talk" these days.  I know most teens by the top of their head that is stuck in the phone.  Ri-dang-diculous.  We have a rule in my home that cell phones are placed in the center of the table at meal time.  After the blessing, who ever (myself included)  touches their phone first, does the dishes.  (or picks up the check if dining out!) 
*  I have held a cell phone as ransom for the majority of punishments.  Works better than ANYTHING.  I have one that would much rather give me his set of keys than the cell phone.    
* It doesn't make you a bad parent if you monitor their usage and read their messages.  In fact, my personal opinion is that it might make you one if you DON'T.  These are children with an unlimited connection to the outside world.  They cannot be sheltered.  Period.  Read their stuff folks.  Just like feel more comfy behind a keyboard.  They are no different.
*  Same premise with the internet.  But the age of smartphones.....there is no difference. Cell phones ARE the internet.
*  And be CRAZY unreasonable with the phones when they start to drive.  Its not hard to catch them.  My Sam hung himself....."Mom, I'm comin by your office to grab a couple of bucks for a drink."  "Sam, what happened to my change from last night?"  "Hang on, I'm drivin....will look in a sec."  "Sam, just leave the phone on the table......"   Busted.  This is life or death.  So act like its "life or death."

10)  Know all passwords.  There is no such thing as "privacy" as far as my kiddos are concerned.  I exercise my right and will continue to do so until they are no longer under my roof.  As long as I am responsible for any "messes" they get into?  Then I have access to all information.  Which brings me to #11....

11)  Get on Facebook.  Get on Twitter. Get on Instagram.  Get on Vine.  Get on Keek.  (Are ya impressed that I know all of these??  hehe)  Know what your kids are not only posting and seeing.  But know what their FRIENDS are posting and seeing.  Yep.  "Creepers" are some of the best parents!  :)

12)  Don't feel bad if you aren't one of "those" moms, who can give them the best of cars, the best of clothes, the best of everything.  Mine have my time, Everthing they NEED, and MOST of what they want.  That is sufficient for two happy teens.  Ask mine.  And never say...."Mine would never________."  They will just to prove you wrong!

13)  Teach them the value of a buck.  My Sammy is learning that he can blow a week's paycheck on one tank of gas.  (giggling inside)   He appreciates ole mom a little more now.  I will spend a whole week's paycheck for choir tour spending money.  Syd looked at me and said...."Really mom?"  Yep. Really.
 Even further, its ok if they actually WORK around the house.  Mow the lawn, laundry, clean dishes, vacuum the floor.  They are perfectly capable of helping.  Bottom line.  We ALL get more quality time.

14)  You are not a bad mom if you have periodic meltdowns and sometimes in public places.  Case in point:  Walking into Dillards last Sat. to swimsuit shop.  I told Syd....sitting in the car before we walked in....."I am NOT buying you a suit from here."  She is still growing, the styles change, etc etc.  I not only refuse to spend $150++ on a suit for her, but can't.  I however, needed one.  "Yes mom"....I got with the rolling of the eyes.  After seeing all the million ones that she wanted for no less than a million bucks each, trotting off to the dressing room with half a dozen only to realize I meant what I said.....the smart mouth and the tears took over.  Drama. Drama. Drama.  Yes, I created this monster.  The result?  Neither of us got a swimsuit.  I couldn't afford it for myself either.  But I put my foot down like a good little mommy!  :)  ( hurt.  And I felt like a heel!)

15)  Nothing is really "lost" until mom can't find it.  Teens lose everything.  They forget everything.  And their carelessness is CONSTANTLY an emergency for you.  Even thought you swear to them you won' will keep bailing them out.  I've saved my kiddos from more zeros, demerits and laps around the field by providing the "lost and forgotten" items.  

16)  You can only help them with their homework until about the 5th grade.  I have a college education and get stumped with most everything since. See?  You really will get dumber.

17)  You will NEVER measure up to "so-in-so's" mom.  "So in So" is lucky.  They get to drive earlier, stay out later, go shopping more often, and go on fancy vacays several times a year. Their clothes are fancier, their cars newer and nicer, and money is no object. They also "got a worse grade than I did".....and "got in trouble also!" not you. And I am not "So-in-so's" mom.  Period.

18)  We have NOTHING to eat at home.  Translation:  I don't want what is home and want Sonic. are not a horrible mom if you have "Fend for yourselves" for supper often.....grilled cheese sandwiches ARE a hot meal and cereal is nutritional.  These creatures are why your life is so busy.  They won't go hungry.

19). Run....don't walk from the "hardship".  They will grow up and be 16 soon enough.  Yep.  All their friends will be driving.  And they won't.  So. I happily drove mine until he was legal, and continue to drive my youngest.   Enjoy it actually.  DO, however get the learners' permit and let them practice as early as possible.  Lordy....I still hold my breath until I get word he has made it safely.  

20)  You might cuss.  And you might cuss in front of them.  And most likely...BECAUSE of them.  Its all good.  You're not alone.  Trust me!

For the sake of time....and the fact that its midnight and all my peeps are accounted for and I'm tired.  I'm stopping this list at 20.  There just may be a sequel.  And friends.....add to this list!  I'm sure I've forgotten something.  I may devote a blog post to "life of a SINGLE mom of teens"......but in all honesty.....I'm not single.  I have a whole Village of folks raising these kiddos.  So that is on hold.  For now.

PS.  My kids ARE by far the greatest blessings to me and I love them more than anything in the world.  They are well-behaved and know Jesus.  Our devotional and worship time is special and most likely will not be forgotten.  Not always BECAUSE of me but in SPITE of me.  And they are my reason I breathe everyday.  The reason I sacrifice to spoil them as much as I can.  I'm guilty!  :)  Guilty of taking my job as a mom seriously. 

Hug 'em, Love 'em, and put the "BeatDown" on them as necessary.  I will leave you with a cheesy quote:  "A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."  :)  Cheese or not.  How true.

In Him,

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

"Fat and Happy"

Do ya ever have one of those days when God's word just pops you RIGHT in the mouth like your momma would if you sassed her????   Yep.....That is me.

I've been struggling with some self-image issues ......really for a while....but lately, its an obsession!

First a little (ok a lot of) background....
In high school....I weighed 90 pounds soak and wet.  I remember my mom and aunts (who were a little heavier set)  laughing and telling me that I would "spread" someday.  In fact, my mom would never allow the "one to grow on" during birthday spankings because she would always say, "Ya might grow WIDER and not taller!"  haha   Bible.  She said that every time.  And I would always giggle and think to myself...."Not me.  I eat whatever I want and never gain weight."   And worse.  I believed that!

I finally broke 100 lbs in college and my wedding dress (20 years ago fact) was a size 4 that hung off of me and had to be altered down.  Those in my life to today would probably never believe that!  haha.....but true story.

THEN....I had babies.  BIG, beautiful babies.  I weighed 180 lbs (remember I'm only 5'3") when I gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby boy that was only 7 lbs. 9.5 oz. of that!   lol  Less than two years later.....I was back up there again to give birth to my sweet Sydney who weighed exactly the same amount.  You get my point here.......I was fat.  You couldn't tell if I was rolling or walking!  :)
Attended my 10 year reunion a couple of months later, and was thankful for the excuse....."I just had a baby"......:)

Not long after that.....I began going to Weight Watcher Meetings and over the course of 6-8 months lost 57 lbs.  Great Success.  Not an ounce of exercise.  I just counted those points.  Did I do it the right way?  Not a chance.....I mean, yes, I did it slowly.  Never one time did I go to weigh in over that 6-8 months did I gain.  Almost unheard of.  I plateaued and stayed the same many weeks.....but never gained.  I remember getting my 10lb 25 lb ribbon.....and even the biggie....the 50 lb. ribbon.  All hung proudly on my fridge.  When I looked in the mirror....I kinda liked what I saw.
But in reality....I wasn't doing it healthy.  If I wanted to spend all my "points" on a large Sonic tater tot with cheese and a Coke.  I did.  That would be all I'd eat for the day.  I remember eating  Reece's peanut butter cups and a real Coke every morning for breakfast......counted the points.  5 to be exact. 
Not exactly the breakfast of champions. 

The leader of WW even approached me about possibly leading a class, after obtaining my "lifetime membership."  I looked her in the eye and told her that I didn't need to lead her class.  You see, like in high school, when I thought I'd never gain a lb.  I guess still thought I was "above" weight loss the right way. She didn't need me telling these people that you can do it without being healthy.

I then went through some personal tragedies....divorce, death of my mom, relationship changes due to some poor choices, a move, a "clearly much too early" early "mid-life crises" of sorts.....and THAT diet took me down to 114 lbs.  I was miserable inside.....but almost had my body back! 

I kept it off....or within 8-10 lbs for the next few years, without trying.  May have been the chasing of kiddos to and fro, or living a miserable life.....whatever the case, I kept it off.  Until I hit 35.  BAM!  Gained 20 lbs almost overnight.  Attempted  WW again.  Was able to go to meetings and get off enough to meet a goal that my friend and I had of actually buying a pair of designer jeans.  My first pair of "Sevens".   :) 

Then I hit 40.....and its gone downhill from there!  I guess I must admit that most of the years I've spent worrying about my weight.....that I truly wasn't "obese" or even "fat" by society's standards.  Of MOST (not all) of my friends, I've generally been one of the smallest.....But no matter.  My pre-baby body is gone forever.  I could usually look good in a cute outfit.  But not in a swimsuit....let alone naked!  haha  Yes, I've carried a few too many lbs....but can usually dress up and feel "ok".

Of course, its no secret to the readers of my blog what has happened to me about this time last year.  Taking it back to about 10 months before my diagnosis......I decided it was time to diet and exercise.  Signed up for boot camp.  No, I don't think boot camps are a bad idea.  But to go from 20+ years on the COUCH to bootcamp is pretty dumb.  I made it a little over half way through, while walking 3-5 miles everyday....even working into jogging (little to start and then jogging about half of it).  Did this for about 6-8 weeks.  For 4.  F-O-U-R measly pounds. read that right.  4 lbs.  I hurt so bad and felt like I had polio for the better part of a month....and 4 pounds?????

I get it...."muscle weighs more than fat"....."I felt better"......"I most likely lost inches".....blah, blah blah.  Kiss my hiney.  Forget the exercise.  I remember losing close to 60 lbs.  From the couch.  haha

So I decided to go to a weight loss doctor.  He prescribed me Phentermine.....(Adipex).....and I lost 41 lbs.  No, it wasn't a miracle pill.  It was work.  1000 calories a day.  Period.  No cheating.  Zero Caffiene.  Zero sodas, even diet coke.  And at LEAST 100 oz of water per day.  Count your calories folks.....1000 isn't much.  The results?  I loved it.  My friends noticed.  I could wear my daughter's jeans.  Had friends and family asking me all the time how I did it.  Saw 125 again....and it felt great.

I DO think God had a hand in this.  Why?  The first place I lost weight was in my breasts.....which exposed my lump....etc. etc.  Took a family vacation last spring break (a couple of weeks before my diagnosis) and I felt so good in my clothes, and in my pictures.  Little did I know.....

Double Masectomy.  Not that I was THAT attached to my breasts.  But I can tell shirt looks good with out them.  Whammy #1.  To this day....I hate my body.  I want them back.  And since I can't afford my insurance.....I'm pretty certain no reconstruction anytime soon.

Chemo....aside from the hair loss, which goes without saying.  I didn't rock the sick, gray, look very well.

Steriods.....blew me up like the goodyear blimp.  They say they might stay in your system from 6 mos to a year.  Been 7 months.  Leave already!!!!!

Tanning.  While I have taken advantage of some spray tans, I will never step foot in a tanning bed again. Not criticizing those who do...heck I owned one for 15 years.  Just a big ole gut feeling.  So that said.....the appearance of my spring wardrobe is taking another hit. 

Hair.  Oh Lordy my hair.  I look like Billy Idol.  I've colored it 5.....yes 5 times since it has started to grow back.  Yes....Its maybe an inch long now.  Maybe.  Yes, I'm obsessed with it.  I have a "cocktail" of 7.....yes SEVEN products that I use to tame this mess on a daily basis.  Don't judge me.  Each product is a key element and is needed.  The up side?  its thick and coming back almost like it was.  I've just got to be patient.  I'm patient with VERY little in my life.

I am now 148 lbs.  No fat jokes.....I'm fragile!  haha  Yes, 148.  And that is after losing 11 lbs this last month....BACK on the Phentermine.  (Note that both my oncologist and my gyno REFUSE to prescribe it because I'm not a candidate who NEEDS it.  "Be patient" they say.  "You look great without it" they say.  Ugggg)  Why is it that most chemo patients are frail, and skinny.  Not Terri.  I am back to being fat.  Gained almost every pound back.   I have figured out the problem......More on that in a minute.

Last night, I was chatting with David after I growled at the scales.  And he said what he says multiple times daily....."You are beautiful."  He has said those words to me clear back to the day we met.  And I give him the same reaction....."you're blind"....or "No I'm not...." or just my signature snarl with an eye-roll.  He grabbed my chin and I made me look directly at him as he said to me, "Believe me.  You're beautiful."  Then he grabbed his belly and shook his little gut and said, "I'm fat.....and happy!"  He is right.  No.....I don't think he is fat.  But in our contentment and "happiness"....we've packed on a few.  :)

Got me to thinking about that.  Since my illness.  I have SO much to be "happy" about.  The obvious....I beat it.  My kiddos.....who are God-loving, spirit-filled, hard-working, teens that give me very little problems.  David....this man never left my side.  My brother....and his family, who I love and love ME, my job!  I look forward to work daily.  My friends.....too many to count!  I have a close circle that lift me daily.....and a huge village near and far that have surrounded us with such love and support.  My church and SS class.....<3   They just make my heart smile.  Most of all, my salvation.  I am a Child of God, saved by His grace!!!  Is there anything more beautiful than a smile that exudes THAT kind of happiness and INNER beauty???????  (Nope!  not really)  My momma used to say..."Pretty is and pretty does....."  Amen Momma!

I have been stressing about such trivial will I look in a swimsuit???  Even complained for a week how UGLY Mastectomy suits were.  Then I broke it down.  Who Cares?????  When I will have a suit on....not a soul around me will care.  I'll be on a beach with my family.  Or at a friend's pool who invited me for ME....not what I look like.  Why stress it?  Seriously....why stress it?

I've got a friend getting married soon.  She has been worrying and fretting for months.....and has lost about 30 lbs.  She looks beautiful.  In her eyes?  She needs to lose 30 more.  What she forgets me......everyone there on that day sees her as a beautiful bride.  Sees her happiness.  30 lbs heavier or lighter.....wouldn't make a difference.  Her bridesmaids, in which I have to honor to be one, and I have worried and fretted over this dress or that dress....and how we will look.  We are forgetting what an honor it is to be chosen to stand beside her on HER day.  She, nor anyone else, will care what WE look like.  (Besides the fact that she chose beautiful ladies to begin with....inside and stand with me up there....)

Another friend, who is tiny.  Works out multiple times a day some least 5-6 days a week.  Barely eats.  She is beautiful.  Far from what she sees in the mirror.  I would love to have her figure.  I DID have her figure, a short year ago.  In fact, she may disagree.....but I think my encouragement got her started back then.  She has no idea how beautiful she is.  The thing is....she was JUST as beautiful all those pounds ago.  She is precious inside.  Today she shared with me HER issues with the scales barely moving and her working so hard.  "Bathing suit" season....etc.etc.  And she is just as beautiful outside as inside.

My own daughter.....who is taller than me, wears a size 10 shoe, and can't fit into a size 2 or even a 4, thinks she is "fat".  That makes my blood boil.  Heaven help the soul whoever lets me hear them tell her that!  She is beautiful. 

Many others who battle the scales.  Battle in the gym and in the kitchen.  The greatest battle is in the mirror.  Just plain made me sad. I've never lost a friend by how I look.  I've never lost love from family because I was "living large".  And my Jesus has certainly not left my side.  In His eyes....I am pretty beautiful.  I opened His word.....and found over 50 verses telling me so:  Here are a few....

Matthew 23:27- Inner Beauty is what God seeks:
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.

1 Peter 3:3-5- A gentle and quiet spirit
And let not your adornment be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.

1 Samuel 16:7- God looks at your Heart
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Proverbs 31:30- Fear of the Lord
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Ezekiel 28:17- Corrupted Wisdom
"Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; You corrupted your wisdom by reason of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I put you before kings, That they may see you.

Song of Songs 4:7- Beauty of a Spouse in Marriage
"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you.

Philippians 4:8- Dwell in whatever is worth of praise
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Genesis 1:31- God saw Beauty in what he created
And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

Ecclesiastes 3:11- A heart set on eternity
He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.

Proverbs 20:29 (KJV)- Beauty and wisdom of those old in age.
The glory of young men is their
strength : and the beauty of old men is the gray head

Then finally....this morning.  While sitting at Sonic for a Happy Hour Rt. 44 water.....(munching on donut holes, feeling TERRIBLY guilty....sigh!) I read the following post from a sweet friend on FB:

"Rhonda Benson Ellis  4 hours ago near Conway, AR ·

Yesterday, my friend Libby and I were talking about how we, even Christian, women have bought Satan's lie that we must be OUTWARDLY beautiful to be of any value or attraction to our husbands, families, or society, no matter how much we serve and minister. As I pondered this, I became especially concerned about being beautiful only to the love of my life. Then I get a text this morning from Libby's husband. You see, he had overheard our conversation, and needed to remind us what REAL beauty is! It read, "favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised! ". There ya go, can't argue with the word of God! It seems that, though I struggle with my weight, and Libby is struggling with loosing her hair to chemo treatments, that these Godly husbands love us for what's inside, not outside! (Sorry ladies, these two awesome husbands are taken! ;) ). So that leads me to my conversation with God this morning. I was talking to God about my health. I'm ready to buckle down, get back in the gym everyday, and take off these extra pounds I've put on since my hip replacement. and then, God with his sense of humor and perfect timing, led me to this blog post, which is amazing! Read it:
So my bottom line is this: ladies, be the best, healthiest woman God has created you to be, not who you think you have to be compared to everyone else. And men, tell and show your wives how much you love them because they are who God created and gave to you! That's a liberating and powerful truth right from God's word!"
Sounds like others are also digging into the Word to get through these struggles.  We don't need an app to track calories, or a pill, or the gym, or to look good in a bathing suit.  We need a servant's heart and to be saved in His grace and finally to share that grace with the world!!!  Yes....I agree. We need to treat our bodies like the temple it is and to make healthy decisions.  But for the right reasons.  Not the wrong ones.  When we delve in.....we may be "fat".....but just look at "Happy" we will be???  :)
I know I've been wordy.  But read this blog.   The link is below.  It just may change your life too.

Thinking I may just chunk the scales.....anyone with me????  God has spoken to me loud and clear. 

Blessings for a wonderful BEAUTIFUL friends.....
In Him,
PS.  Please join me in prayer for our OK friends.  And also for 3 others in my life that are in fear for the "C" word. with them and provide the comfort and healing only You can!!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Pure Randomness

This blog is most likely going to have zero impact on anyone ever.  Pure randomness and a complete waste of time.  But I need to write.  Therapy at its best.  My thoughts lately.......

Mike Jeffries is a first class jerk.  If you don't know who he is.....CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, who responded to the request of making a line for larger people..... Paraphrasing here...."No, we only go after the cool, skinny kids......Not everyone belongs in our clothes......blah blah blah!"  This article should catch you up....
This news just sent me over the edge.  I am totally embarrassed by all the A&F items in the closets of my children.  I will tell you won't find them wearing ANY of it again....nor will I even walk in the store.  Funny....I saw someone posting an Abercrombie shirt on one of the facebook "Online Garage Sales"......Sweetie, you couldn't pay ME to wear it much less buy it from ya!  Sara Taney Humphries, thank you for taking a stand.....and that is coming from a former skinny, cheerleader, sorority girl -- not necessarily "cool" or "popular" by HIS standards but that had lots of friends and loved high school and college.  You nailed it, sister!

What in the world is this coming to?  My first thought is that I hope nobody every shops there again.....then I realize that there are many employed by him that would be innocently affected.  Although, why someone would WANT to work for a company that stands on these principals, I don't know.  My NEXT thought is to hope he has to go on a massive amount of steroids that makes him blow up like a balloon......  then I realize that wishing those things upon him makes me not much better than he is.  I guess I just have to have faith in the biblical declaration of "karma".....that he will indeed "reap what he sows..."  hmmmmmm.......nope, that isn't practicing kindness either.
What a sad, miserable existence this man must have.  So today.....I prayed for the jerk.  Yep.  Sure did.  Still think he is a jerk.

Blue Cross / Blue Shield:
This wonderful (insert TOTAL sarcasm here) insurance company that sadly has the monopoly on the state of Arkansas has done it to me again.  :(  Not only have they not paid one dime for a complete year (stating that my breast cancer was a "pre-existing condition"), they have now raised my premium and I'm facing cancellation.  Oddly enough, about the same time that the Pre-existing clause was lifted.  Yes.....this is how it went:
1)  Applied for insurance March of Last year.  Went through their complete screening process, complete with bloodwork and physical. 
2)  Received Insurance policy effective April 15, 2012.
3) Immediately scheduled a yearly physical with my ob/gyn since it had been so long....(Had put it off due to not having insurance.)  4/23
4)  Lump was found and sent for immediate mammogram......and anyone who has followed my blog and my journey knows the rest.  The thing is.....they denied all my treatments, surgeries, etc., stating a pre-existing condition despite 2 doctors writing letters on my behalf, and several appeals.   Cra....zzzyyy. 
5)  I continued to pay my premiums each month.  Even though the insurance was basically worthless.  The only thing it helped me with was my meds that I took at home throughout treatments. 
6)  April 15, 2013 -- Pre-existing waiting period expires.  Last week.....They want $417.00 for a premium.  I cannot afford to keep this policy at that rate.  And am facing cancellation. Nor will I be able to get any insurance.  How is this fair????  Evil.  Just evil.  Haven't found the strength to pray for them just yet.  Still workin on that one.  I work.  I try to pay my bills.  What gives?????  :( 

This coupled with the fact that I learned that my sales tax wasn't financed in on my vehicle and I have to pay it. AND I received a $1,354.00 Gas bill from Centerpoint from a gas leak.  Syd needs about 600 more bucks for dance uniforms and both are leaving for choir tour in less than a month, Sam needs contacts....AND we are trying to take a vacation during dead weeks (since that is the only time all summer that neither kid has any activities.)  Thankfully, our housing for that is paid.  As you can see....lots of prayers and pencils at work trying to stretch my dollars.....Sigh.

Sambo got a job!!!  :)
Very proud of my Sammy.  Got his first job at Old Navy.  Discounts and Gas money!!!   And they will work around his sports and church activities.  He hasn't even started yet and we already have a dilemma....:(  Went something like this:
1)  He had an interview on Saturday, May 4.
2)  Called to offer him the job later that week.
3)  Scheduled the first 2 of 3 orientation days to be Wed and Fri of this week.  (At this time, Benton baseball was in state tournament, with championship game to be played at Baum on the 18th.)
Sam is distraught, worried that he will have conflict with Fri orientation and trip with team to Fayetteville.  I assured him....we would make it work even if I had to drive him down myself.
4)  Monday last week....Sam learns of Spring Football game.....yep!  you guessed it.....Friday. does a kid be at 2 mandatory places and the same time???? 
5)  So....Tuesday, I place a call to the manager and explain the issue.  He is very nice and accommodating.  Since the orientation involves more newbies than just Sam, he made contact with them to move the orientation to Thursday.....the only thing is that Sam will have to miss part of football practice that day.  Not ideal but do-able.  All worked out.
6)  Saturday....Panthers lose in semi's.  :(  Broken-hearted Sam....but the up-side?  No conflicts with Old Navy stuff.
7)  Sunday -- Sam gets text from Football coach that Spring game is moved to Monday.  Sigh. worries....except that it conflicts with Baseball Banquet.  Shoot me now.  We would just have to find a way to do both......
8)  Monday (today).....Sam comes in and tells me that I don't have to worry about "doing both" because they moved the Spring Game guessed it....THURSDAY!!!   REALLY.....shoot me now.  Now...we are faced with calling the Old Navy Manager BACK to ask if we can move it back to Friday....where we started originally????  The child may be fired before he starts.  :(  May seem trivial....but please pray that these "little worries" stop so that I may focus on the bigger ones?  Momma.needs.a.break.

Angelina Jolie:
This article needs no words.....What courage!  Wish my "insurance" could pay for my genetic test....maybe one day I will get the results.  :(  Very disheartening that there are results of a test out there that I cannot have due to the almighty dollar.  I know many with this story.  Something is very wrong with this world. 

These drops in the bucket that I've vented about are just a smidgen of what's going on with me lately.  I've been a bit depressed.  Ok...severely depressed.  These things, coupled with "Mother's Day," have me in the dumps.  Very grateful for my kiddos....who are my light.  David....who is precious. My brother...who is my rock and constant source of strength. My friends who love me anyway.....And most importantly my Savior.....who continues to carry me.  One way or another....I know it will all be ok. 

I have yet another friend who is beginning the BC journey.....So prayer warriors lift her up.  God knows her sweet name.  And as I do everyday....please protect my babygirl and those you love around you......and pray for a cure.  Also, please pray for another friend's father......who didn't receive the greatest news this past week either.  Cancer bites.

Tonight has been spent in a "battle of the pix" between my little brother and I on facebook......has felt good to laugh.....even at my own expense!  :)  Love u little brother......and Thanks!  :) 

Please keep this kiddos and I in your prayers as we continue to muddle our way through this little earthly life......:)
In Him,