Saturday, March 30, 2013


Today is a rainy lazy day here in my world. I've got one kiddo on a weekend road trip with her friend, and another here at home emersed in "March Madness." I have some chores that need to be tended to...but they are in the back burner as I am piled up with a couple of weenie dogs and the remote. They say "an idle mind is the Devil's playground". So here I am on my blog....recording my thoughts, determined not to let that happen.

Tomorrow is Easter. I've been pondering all day on what to wear. My closet is cracked open and I see all the clothes stuffed in there and I know I can find a few things that are appropriate. I remember growing up that Easter Sunday.....I would have a beautiful new dress and almost always a pretty white sweater (because its always cold!) and new Sunday shoes. WHITE shoes. Because it was finally proper to wear white since its ban from Labor Day. :) I would wake up to beautiful bright Easter baskets that always had candy, new pantyhose (yes, pantyhose....I know...ewwww!), and jewelry to match my Easter Dress. My favorite basket was back in the early 80's when "twist beads" were popular. I had a TON of them in my basket that year! My mom was the bomb.

Many years my brother would have a shirt or tie to match my dress and mom would take pictures. I know he was so thrilled. Church was always packed. And rows and rows of Easter lillies lined the alter of the church. You could smell them the minute you opened the door. We also have a "flowering cross" in which was a wooden cross in the front of the sanctuary....empty and dark. It was usually always present during all of the "holy week" activities. Members of the congregation would bring flowers from their yards and gardens....all colors and kinds....and place on the cross. Very beautiful.

Old hymns ....such as The Old Rugged Cross, Because He Lives...and of course..."UP from the grave He Arose...He Arose"....can still hear the pounding of the piano and organ leading us.

We usually attended the sunrise services and then went home to get all "prettied up" and back to Sunday School and church. After church was always a huge meal with family, more Kodak moments and memories. Easter egg hunts and eating too much. Jelly beans, chocolate bunnies, dying eggs, and usually a good old Sunday nap.

Growing up Methodist, I have always practiced the observation of Lent.....and given up something of value to me. Easter marked the end of the period and I could have back whatever "it" was. I was always SO happy for Easter Sunday to roll around!

Oh yeah, I also was about Jesus. I've been told the Easter story a thousand times in my life. But only recently has it really and truly sank in. What Christ actually went through for ME. More on that in a minute....

My kiddos and David got me watching "The Bible" on TV and its "finale" is on tomorrow night. We have even been competing with Bible quizzes from its phone app. We have used it as a tool to dig deep about Easter this year. And we have. I even, as late as last night, wondered why I haven't bought a new dress, or dug out the Easter baskets. For the first time in years, we haven't dyed eggs. You see? It's no longer about baskets and bunnies. About new clothes, new shoes, fresh manis and pedis and fake tans.

I know that tomorrow, church will be overflowing with people dressed beautifully, children with big smiles, and snazzy outfits. Families will be gathering around large tables with huge meals and wonderful desserts. You will see kiddos hunting eggs and having so much fun. Grandmothers will be thrilled to have all their kiddos and "grand-kiddos" with them for church and lunch.

Facebook and Instagram will be covered up with pictures of families and kiddos in the prettiest clothes ever. Since I gave up FB for Lent, I will be able to actually enjoy those pics! :).

We won't be wearing new clothes tomorrow. Yes, we will dig out our best most "springy" looking attire, and no one will know. We will take a picture together because we take a lot of pictures these days. You won't catch me in white shoes, because I don't own any, and I've not worn a pair of pantyhose since I left home for college! Haha. But we will be pressed and dressed in our Sunday best. We will most likely show up to church a bit early in order to park and get a seat. And share lunch together afterwards. And probably that nap before Part 5 of "The Bible"

I'm not in any way saying that any of the above is wrong.... God wants us in church. God wants us to enjoy holidays and family and friends. He wants us to have fun. He loves us So much.....that He gave us a reason for this day. The same premiss as Christmas..... Sometimes we fail to remember the reason.

My life has changed so much lately. I have really been in prayer and in study of what the meaning of Easter really is. He sent His son. In the flesh. To live and walk with us. To live and breathe as we do. To experience happiness and sadness. He was perfect in every way and experienced the ultimate human suffering. Can you imagine?

I guess in my lifetime, the closest depiction of what he went through was
"The Passion of Christ" movie a few years back. I remember having nightmares after seeing it the first time. The violence and gruesomeness was so extreme. I remember thinking that Mel might have taken it a little too far....that we would have gotten the idea with half the amount of time shown beating our Jesus. But since then, I really think how selfish of me to expect anyone to downplay the amount of human suffering that He experienced. Part of me is nervous to see tomorrow night's ending. I am scared of those reminders....again.

I look at my son. We have had a dark week around here. My heart breaks when he the result of his own choices or at those of a mother, I almost can't stand it. There is no other pain close to that of a parent hurting for their child. Just a glimmer of a glance at what God must have felt sacrificing His child. His beating. His crucifixion. Having the power to step in and save we as mothers wish we could ALL do. But instead he sent His sacrificial lamb for us....because we are ALL his children. And because of Easter, we are promised a walk in eternity with Him. The only way to heaven, is through Jesus. Salvation can only be obtained though Him. What a gift.

Easter should be everyday. We should see beautiful smiles and full church pews every Sunday. Myself included. I realize I've bordered on the offensive here and now I'm downright meddling....but today I praise Him. Tomorrow....Easter Sunday, I will praise Him.... And each day after I will praise Him. If we all celebrated Easter....the true ressurection of Christ Jesus....every day. What a gift back to Him?? What a gift.

I am so grateful of the grace tomorrow represents. And excited to celebrate His ascending into Heaven. Where He is waiting for me. Friends, please don't forget to place a cross in your Easter baskets tomorrow. Metaphorically speaking of course.....And never hide it.....<3

In Him,

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Roxanne...."We'll Remember you....."

I write tonight with a heavy heart.  I can't escape the tears of sadness and just true grief I feel at the loss of my sweet friend and sister.....Roxanne Cousins.  There is a star in the sky tonight just a tad brighter than all of the others.  That....was her smile.

I met Roxanne in my Freshman year at Arkansas State when I pledged Chi Omega....Instant friends because Roxanne made it that way.  The sweetest spirit in anyone I believe I have ever known.  Always always smiling.  And I mean always.  She sang beautifully.....I loved standing near her during Rush, or Sisterhood songs, because her harmony was exquisite....first because I knew she would drown me out, but mostly because I loved to listen to her.  I knew the first time that I heard her sing....that she HAD to sing in my wedding.  In fact, I remember consulting HER practically before anyone else before setting a date.  Graciously, she agreed.

Going to be honest .....  It had been many years since I'd seen or spoken with her until like many of us, we reconnected on facebook.  Shortly after my diagnosis, she reached out to me with a couple of sweet wall posts and messages.  I had no idea she was also in a battle of her own.  Never once did she complain or tell me "her story".....and I was as shocked as anyone at the news today that Ovarian Cancer took her life.  I've been off of facebook during if there were any posts, I had totally missed them.

Although she didn't make it to the race, she was a member of "Team Terri" this past October for the SGK Race and she got a Tshirt.  During my chemo treatments, I averaged about 25-30 messages a day from various friends/sisters/family checking on me.  I failed to respond to many of them until days, even weeks later, and I totally didn't respond to some.  I have a few reasons.....I was sick, I was so overwhelmed with so many.....but in hindsight, there is no excuse.  I should have responded.  I broke my "no FB during Lent" promise tonight, only to frantically search my messages trying to find my last exchange with my friend.  Here it is.....

  • Conversation started 7 August 2012

Hey Girl,
I'm so glad to hear you've got the worst behind you! I was meeting with my onc yesterday in LR too - I keep thinking one of these days soon we'll have to meet up there for a quick coffee, if you do coffee. I'm off chemo for the time being and just had a clear scan but my cancer marker (CA125 is what they use for ovarian cancer) has crept up slightly so I might have to get back on the chemo train soon (Yuck) but anyway would LOVE to see you sometime soon. I'm hoping I can make it to that walk in October. You hang in there - you are doing great and have the best attitude ever!!! Hugs, Roxanne

Sent from Mobile

I didn't respond.  :(  It may have been on a day I was sitting in a chemo chair when several messages came in and I didn't see it.....or I thought....I'll write her back in a bit and then my chemo brain clicked in and forgot.  Or I could have been at work and thought I'd respond later and didn't.  Or in my "chemo stupor" that the Red Devil left me in for days.  I don't know.  For whatever reason.....I didn't.  How could I NOT respond to her?  A sweet friend in the midst of her OWN battle reaching out to me.....and I missed it.  I am totally ashamed of myself.

I didn't even remember getting this message or realize that she was even ill.  :(

I know Roxanne, of all people, understands.  In my heart, she loved me....and knew that I loved her.  Oh, how I wish I'd met her for coffee.  Or picked up the phone.  I know she isn't angry with me.....she probably never thought another thing of it....but she has ministered to me in a big way.  After hearing the news today, I immediately reached out to some of my Chi-O friends.....not only to share the information, but to tell them I loved them.  Chance made us "sisters" but love kept us that way.  Roxanne is smiling on us now, because her smile once again led us back to each other. 

In the midst of my search for her last message to me......unfortunately, I found MANY messages without a response.  My momma flat taught be better than that! Even if its a year goal this week is to respond, to each and every message.  I've learned to never leave a friend hanging.  To always take a moment to acknowledge love and comfort extended to me.  No matter what I may be going through, how busy I am, or what the case may always give value to those who took a moment to reach out to me.   My selfishness most likely hurt feelings....and I feel embarrassed and upset beyond words.  My sweet friend/sister Jana reaffirmed today that "we need to stick together and stay close"....

My intention is not to turn it into being about "me" but just another way how this sweet soul touched my life.  And my battles.....oh how small.  Please keep her sweet son, Ethan, her husband, Brad, and all of the many friends and family that she has here missing her tonight. 

As she led us many times.....Here's to you my sweet Roxanne....I know you are leading it beautifully in the "Omega" chapter.....
In the shades of evening, there will be no grieving
Even though you’re leaving Chi-O far behind you
There’ll be many memories, there’ll be many letters
There’ll be lonely hours, till we meet again then
We’ll have our reunion,
there’ll be toasts and singing
And you’ll hear us bringing praises to you till then
Chi-O now departing, come bid sweet adieu
Chi-O ever after, we’ll remember you!

I love you my sweet friend. 

In Him,


Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Letter "D".....

Notice a little different Blog Title.....I feel it appropriate to change the name with an emphasis on the letter "D".....So much so that I added several of them!  :)  Yep, Momma HADDDDD Cancer. 

As a little girl, somehow I got the impression that God was watching everything I did and would clobber me for any bad behavior. I am sure this came from a mother who wanted to instill the fear of God in me — and it worked.  As an adult, I've believed in the words "reap what you sow".....the biblical version of "Karma" if you will....

Like many people who are diagnosed with cancer, I turned to God with questions and prayers after my diagnosis. I didn’t think God GAVE me cancer, but I believed He somehow had allowed it in my life. He had a purpose.  Not that anything I "did" made me "deserve" it.  I was comforted knowing that He would be with me through my battle against the disease. I was also convinced that He had a plan and a purpose for me to go through this trial.

Failed marraige, lost friendships, financial burdens,  the death of my mother, abandonment from my father, and the feeling of inadequacies have challenged my faith but not my belief in the God who created me. He led me through difficult times and into another new life for which I am SO grateful. I never dreamed that a new trial would come through breast cancer. It was easy to feel signaled out for tribulation, and I often joke that there is an angel in heaven who keeps forgetting to strike me off the trials and tribulation list.  :)  Seldom do I forget, however, that there are people on this earth who have endured and survived much worse than me.

Although BC was the worst thing that happened in my world, it was also the best thing; it gave me new insight, greater perspective, and new opportunities. It forced me to become (hopefully) a better person and grow in my faith. God didn’t give me breast cancer, but I understand when people who have believed in God their whole lives and get diagnosed with cancer often feel that He did. It is not a lack of faith to blame God for the disease — on the contrary, it shows a great belief in His omnipotence and existence. The challenge is to turn our faith instead to seeing the bigger eternal picture and plan that God has for our life and to grow along the journey He leads us on.
Why would a loving God allow us to get cancer? Honestly — I don’t know. I can only speculate that He wanted me to learn and to grow, and I am grateful that He was with me on the journey helping me to become a better person through the trial.

I wouldn't wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone.  Nor would I like to go through this again.  It was horrible.  I pray every single day for a cure.  However, I don't wish to have my life back before the cancer.  In spite of all it has taken from has given me so much more.  More importantly, it made me realize the blessings that I already had.  We are not promised tomorrow....but we ARE promised eternity.  God didn't GIVE me cancer.  Nor did he ALLOW Cancer to attack me and my family.  But He did walk with me, carry me, comfort me and USE me and my diagnoisis for good. And those beautiful, faithful creatures He placed in my life......Sam and Syd.  The epitome of a sweet spirits, faithful servents and children of God.  Look at how they handled this???  I was grown when my mother was attacked by this horrible disease....and didn't handle it with even half the grace they did.  The difference......They allowed God to have control. 

We have been learning from Pastor Rick about "Providential Relationships" and "Pivotal Circumstances"...... If you don't think those exist....come talk to me my friends!  :)  I was once criticized by someone saying that my children only wanted to go to FBC "because they want to be with their friends....". what?????  I do. not. care. what gets my children there.  OR what "GOT' my children there.  We are creatures of habit right?  The fact is....they get it.  I get it.  And we are in a loving church home in the "company of Christian friends".  God's hand has always been on us......I just finally learned to give up the controls.....and let Him drive. 

And ya know?  The letter "D" may not be my finale.  I may have to fight again.  It may return.  Or it may strike my family again someday.  This time I will not question Him.  Our faith will carry me and my house through anything!!

There is nothing more comforting than to find peace....true peace.
In Him,

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Spring Forward!

Spring Forward!  <3

What a beautiful week it is!  Longer days....Spring has SPRUNG!  :))  March 10 was a very special day to me.  I was baptized at First Baptist Church in Benton, which is now officially my church home.  I rededicated my life and my sweet Sam shared my testimony with my family, friends, and fellow church family. 

I was so happy that day!!  Meant the world to me that my brother and his family traveled to be here and share in this day with me.  Also my aunt and uncle.  My dad chose not to attend, and I won't pretend not to be disappointed but I didn't let it affect my day.  I also had many of my wonderful friends join me and I was so happy to have them share this day with me!

Thought I would share my testimony......

Terri Baker

Sunday, March 10, 2013   11:11 am

Clay Cunningham, Minister

Sam Baker, Testimony

These are my mother’s words:

From the day I was born, my mom had me in church.  Raised in the United Methodist Church, my mother and grandparents were always “fixtures” there whenever the doors were open.  My Papaw even “opened” the doors for the majority of my life.  My fondest memories were growing and knowing Christ from the very beginning. I was baptized as an infant and later confirmed as a young girl.  After college, I served in Youth and Sunday school ministry for many years.  In theory, Christ was no stranger to me.

Like many….there were times in my life where I was separated from God. I will forever keep a photograph in my mind of those dark times so that I can never EVER return there again.  Some were at the hands I was dealt, and others were mistakes and choices I made.  Both forced me to live in shame and such regret.  Bottom line….I was lost. 

When my Sam started middle school, he was asked to attend Youth on Wednesday nights at FBC.  We were active strong members elsewhere and I am a believer that we “all worship under the same roof.”  But we compromised and Sam immediately became involved.  Soon thereafter, Sydney Clare followed suit and both were plugged in.  I reached a time when I felt the need for a new church home and it seemed like God was telling me strongly to come to FBC.  My children were here, most all of our friends were here….so I answered the call and immediately fell completely in love.  Some of my mother’s last words to me were “continue to raise your children in the company of Christian friends.”  God immediately placed FBC in our future.

              God is always present in our home.  When I am struggling, my children renew my faith, and vice versa.  From Sam’s reminder of Philippians 4:13 on his wrist, to Sydney’s verse reminders daily on the fridge….We are a team. I stand here today in a journey to make our family complete in the Lord.  I want to be the kind of woman that my son searches everywhere to find.  And the kind of example to my Sydney, that she wants to be the woman I am becoming…just as I honor and seek to be like my own mother.  I seek guidance from my God and accountability from my friends and church family.  For we really are a “Village”.   That the world truly knows “We are Christians by our Love”.  I’ve been reminded over the last year, that even when we separate ourselves from Him, all we have to do is turn our faces back to Him and He RUNS to us…arms wide open.  There is no doubt in my mind that He placed my little family exactly where we needed to be.  I couldn’t waste another minute and literally have been so excited about this day.  True redemption and salvation is leaving it all at the foot of the cross and no longer living in shame, fear and regret.  I am totally rededicating my life to my God and am no longer embarrassed of where I’ve been. Instead, I can be so incredibly proud of where I’ve come.  I want to tell EVERYONE about  Jesus!!!

              My flaws are visible.  I’m not perfect.  I have fallen short.  I’ve been a sinner.  I have been weak. But today, through His grace, I am His child and I am new…..just as He promised.  I know that He has plans for me.  He has work for me to do.  He has blessed me with my two precious children.  I’ve been given another chance at love . A job with Godly examples of Christian men to work for and with daily.  A loving spirit filled church home here at FBC.  He has restored my health. He gives me joy in simple things. Gives me eyes for true beauty.  A tongue for truth.  A heart that loves.  A soul that forgives.  A mind that reasons.  A sympathy that understands.  Friends who are like family.  And family who are friends.  A longing to be kind.  And this “village” to hold me accountable.  And at the close of each day…I will lead MY family to praise and glorify HIM.  And when I happen to fall short, my family will lead ME.   From Joshua 24:15:   “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” 
Note from my kiddos:
Here are a couple of pics from my day:

20 foot Clay and Terri.....:)  Sam is to the right on the mic, sharing my testimony above.
Clay Cunnigham and I just before the service.
This was my mother's ring.  She wasn't a flashy person and this was a little dinner ring that she bought for herself, so I know she loved it!  The only piece of jewelry I have of hers....and I cherish it.  I wore this to have a piece of her with me.  :)  I know she is preparing a place for me in heaven someday, and my salvation is my ticket there!  :)
I think I'll close.  Pray for me friends, as I "Spring Forward" into my new walk with Christ....I know Satan is gonna be hard a work!  :)) 
In Him,

Thursday, March 7, 2013

What's Happenin' During Lent! :)

Ok.....this may be cheating. But I'm gonna dance with the "gray area." I gave up Facebook for Lent. I have logged in only to reply to a couple of messages and grab contact info for folks. As a "social media".....I'm off til Easter. Do you KNOW how much down time I've used to scroll through facebook? The idea is now to use that time to spend with God and to help me in my relationships with and through Him. Its workin! :)

I do miss the day to day contact I have with those I ONLY have contact with is through FB, the laughs and being "in the know".....because if "its ON Facebook, it MUST be true" right??? :) But it will be Easter soon, and I'll be back. I still peak at Instagram.....I love following my friends and their lives.

I'm blogging because so much has happened. Im not even sure of the last time I posted. I just know I need to bring my journal "up to speed" and document some pretty neat things going on at the Bakers'! :)

First a "health update"....

I had my 3 month checkup and scans back in January. Got the "reaffirmation" of the "All Clear" again....nasty ole' Cancer.....Take THAT! BAM!! :) Still in remission and praying it stays that way. I still despise Blue Cross....and am in the process of writing to the Insurance Commissioner AND the Better Business Bureau regarding my claims. Worst case at this point....the "pre-existing" clause will be lifted April 15. One way or another I can move forward with coverage.

It was wonderful seeing my AOA family.....I miss them so very much. They were a part of my day to day journey and got me through the roughest of times. I just love and miss them.....:(

I go back on April 15th. A little over a month and I'll have my 6 month checkup. If a good report, I will be scheduling my port removal at some point. And later in the fall, I am going to start some consultations and considering reconstruction. I miss my boobies! :)

I've been dieting. Lost 17 lbs to date. Fact: Oreos are the devil. And both Wal-Mart and Kroger have huge displays of the new "MEGA stuff" oreo. They are EVERYWHERE....tempting me with their goodness. Double stuff wasn't enough.....Dude. These cookies are awesome. I have always hated eating them in public. For some reason, they are messy....get in your teeth, yuk. But my addiction starts about 9 pm......I hide a pack by my bed and can eat a package in a week. Im quite sure I'd have lost 27 by now if they hadn't invented these.

Still....I'm back on the diet. I still hate dieting. 1000 cals a day. No caffeine or diet sodas. I drink at LEAST this every day:   That's 100 ounces folks!   :)

No fun. But seeing progress so I'm ok with that. I'm taking Adipex. I'm sure to get a million scoldings for putting that out there.....but this blog has always been from an honest place. It aided me in losing my weight before so I'm back on the crutch. I DID consult my oncologist first. And while I didn't completely get his "blessing".....I did get a gentle nod and a "I don't think you need them". Chemo blew me back up .....that's my story and I'm sticking to it!" I worked too hard and I've gotta get it back off.

I'm back at work full time.....and chasin my kiddos in their activities. I feel really good, just still really tired and I tucker out a lot quicker than I used to. Zero energy. Its frustrating because many people don't understand. I'm 4 mos. out of chemo.....but my body is still adjusting. I want to exercise.....but my sleep isn't consistent and its a struggle many days just to keep up.

I have hair!  Nope....nothing to really brag about.  This would be a great time for someone to have a 70's party.  I could totally rock a 'fro right now!  I look goofy and the hats are still a staple in my wardrobe.  Here is why......ugggggg!  Glad he loves me anyway!  :)

Please pray that I can snap back to normal soon.  I don’t want to miss another day of this amazing life! 

A pictoral timeline of a few key “goings on” lately:
* I had a birthday..... still "forty-something"  :)

Can I just say that Facebook Birthdays are the best!!!!  So many sweet wishes and each one brought a smile to my face!  :)  My friends and family made it super special as always.  Makes getting old not so bad!
*  Valentine's Day is once again so much fun for me!  Look at my goodies:
Roses and Coach perfume from my sweet David and a bracelet from my kiddos.  I felt loved!  :)

*  Sammy’s driving.  Lord help me.  Do you know how hard it is to hand over a set of keys to your child?  February 17 he was legal.  So far, no issues and he is doing great.  I still hold my breath until I get that “Mom I made it….love ya” text.  But can I also tell ya how nice it is that he can get himself everywhere he needs to go???  And get Syd most places SHE needs to go? Insert the choir singing “Halleluiah!”  here.  Wow.  It is such a blessing.
His first truck!  :)

Their first Sonic run.  Silly kiddos!  :)
He let me go to Happy Hour this time!  :)

His first week wasn’t without a tad of drama though of course.  The first night we let him drive somewhere, He had a blowout.  As if that wasn’t enough….he drove all the way home on it because he didn’t know that is what happened.  About 7 miles.  It was sitting on the rim.  Lordy…..I don’t know how he kept it on the street!  SMH.  

Then, a week into it, we had his eyes checked.  When he took the eye test at the DMV, he struggled so I made the appointment.  The kid was not LEGAL to drive!  His eyes were 20/150!!!  Thankful for the angels leading the blind that week.  He is now in contacts…..says its like the world was in HD now!  Poor guy.  Bad Momma moment right there friends.  I bet his batting average sees some improvement now that he can actually SEE the ball!  J

I won’t mention that Syd now has glasses ordered as well for her and for some reason they sold me a pair of Bi-focals.  I’m sure I don’t really need them.  Or I can blame it on the chemo……

I'll post pics of our new family with specs as soon as they come in! 

*  Baseball season in full swing.  Favorite time of year with some of my favorite people. This is from our "family day" a couple of weeks ago.  I'm still his biggest fan!

* Dance tryouts for Syd are just around the corner.  Lord help me.  I may need to be a “medicated momma” that week.  Please say a special prayer for us!  Thank goodness God sent us Amber Bohannon.  She is working hard with Syd again this year.  Very blessed! 

* We FINALLY got rid of my lemon of a vehicle.  Talk about a relief. It left us on the side of the road AGAIN.....and I was done.  I'm now so happy God provided the means for us to get into something reliable.  That is one stress eliminated from my life completely.
We love it!
* The kids and I participated at another Cardboard Testimony at my brother's church.  Very moving and powerful..I am so proud of the man of God he really is and the work he is doing bringing so many to Christ.  My mom is so proud.  I just know it!

*  My friend Gina is getting hitched!  I'm excited and honored to have been asked to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, June 8th.  Please pray for Gina and Lynn as they begin their life together. 

 * SPRING FORWARD!  The kids and I made it official and are joining FBC.  I am getting baptized this coming Sunday, the 10th.  I am busy trying to write my testimony from an honest place.  Its kinda tough when you have walked "a mile in my shoes" so to speak.  I will share my words here at a later date.  Please pray for me as I re-dedicate my life to our God and start my new walk.  I am like a kid at Christmas.  I can not wait! 

I was born and raised in church.  Baptized as an infant.  Confirmed as a young child.  But this is the first time I've made the solid choice to stand in front of so many friends, family, and people that I look up to, whom I honor, and even some who intimidate confess that I've led a life with many times of "seperation from God" and want to change that.  Oddly enough, its going to be also daylight savings time change day.  To me...."Spring Forward" will have a whole new meaning.  I am walking forward with my future in a whole new life.

I am not just going through the motions, friends.  I truly want to become "dead in my sins" and change my future.  With this is a great seriousness and a huge responsibility.  I know that it means my life is changing.  My outlook will be much different.  The people in my life will see that change and may or may not like and/or adapt to it.  I'm just trusting in my God that he will lead me exactly where I need to be.  Just like He always has.....I just now am trusting His guidance completely and like never before. 

I'm sure I will fail at times.  But I'm now holding myself to a much higher standard.  And expect those around me to hold me there also.  Being Godly in this world is tough.  And I have a long way to go.  Proverbs 31 is my be a woman like that......Wow!  Stay with me friends....and pray for me on this journey.  Trust me....the heartache I've suffered, and the heartache I have even caused......the road I've traveled.  If I can be right with God.....I believe anyone can.  Maybe my testimony will be worth it....Just maybe. :)

"Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.  Psalm 23:6

In Him,

PS:  Two special prayer requests.....Please pray for my friends, Clay and Stacey Cunningham as they begin their journey to adopt a child......Pray that God's hand be on them every step of the way!

Also, my dear friend and Chi-O sister, Hallie is just completed her 3rd treatment.  Please keep her in your prayers.  I know the journey she is on is tough but will pass.  God is our ultimate healer.  For you my sweet friend......