Mother's Day 2014: "I get it, Momma!" :)

Hi Momma!

Its May, again.  May has always been a big ole month around our house.  Several of the important milestones in my life were celebrated in May....ones that used to give me...me/US....such joy! May housed the wonderful dates of Mother's Day....AND your birthday!  Funny, how it was SUPPOSED to be all about you....but you always made it all about us.  I get it now.  :)  You always said I would.....

May also held my wedding.  While the marriage didn't last....the mutual respect is there, mom.  We co-parent fabulously. We have a relationship and a love....while not a romantic love....a love that still remains.  I realize how blessed I am to have that kind a relationship with a former spouse.  John steps up.  You would still be very proud of him.  I know its hard on him living away from these wonderful creatures.  He thinks I'm a good momma.  And that is important to me.  I know you are proud of that also.  We are friends.  And that is cool.

My wedding is probably one of my fondest memories of YOU.  We planned everything together down to every last detail.  I loved that day.

Even my high school graduation was in May.....again, you were there as you always were...supporting my every move.  I never doubted for a minute your pride and love for me.  I never scanned an audience that I didn't see you there.  Ever.  Thank you, mom.  I now know how hard that is sometimes.  What sacrifices you made for us.....that at the time didn't FEEL like sacrifices.  I love being there for my kiddos.  Love supporting them.  Love being their biggest fans.  Again....like you said I would....I get it!  :)

Gosh...we were skinny then!  lol  Which brings me to...I'm dieting, AGAIN.  I remember as a teenager, being all of 90 lbs. soaking wet, and you and Aunt Tootie would always tell me that one day I would get the "Cox behind."  Well...I GOT that, too.  C'mon now, joke is over.  Help me out here, will ya?  I'm having to steer away from donuts and cheese dip.  And you know how hard that is for me.  Down 14 pounds.  Yay me!  :)

Mom, since you have moved on to Heaven....I must admit that I've dreaded the month of May every year.  I also remember it was May that you called us in on that fateful day and told us that you were....in fact....terminal.  That the doctor had confirmed that there was nothing more "medically" that they could do to help you.  That your earthly life was nearing the end and that you need to prepare yourself and your family.  You were to "get your affairs in order".....that the end was near.  We cried together that day.  We prayed together that day.  It changed my life.  Forever.  I didn't agree with your decision to stop treatment.  I didn't want to give up.  I didn't want to let go.  But, as your daughter, as a fellow Survivor, and now...a fellow sister in Christ....I get it, Mom.  I get it.

Noone forgets our fight, momma....See?

You insisted on that little trip to Branson.  With just us.  I remember riding in the backseat with you and visiting all the way.  Funny, how I remember that you told me my teeth were so pretty and white.  Isn't it crazy that I remember something like that?  I constantly stare at my teeth and remember you.....stupid I know.  On that trip, you were wearing down.  The muscles in your legs were beginning to deteriorate and you struggled some.  We still managed to shop, a little.  You bought Sydney a little outfit.  Pink t-shirt and little pink flowered capri pants....from the Carter's outlet at Tangier. 

I remember that because it is the last outfit you purchased for her.  Since that time....every time I clean her drawers and closet.....going through her clothes to donate, consign, etc....I set them aside.  I then place it neatly back in her bottom drawer.  They have gone through each season for almost 13 years, and I just can't part with them. 

You also took us to the Dixie Stampede.  You bought the kiddos both of one of those beautiful stick horses.  The last toy you bought them.  Both have theirs in their rooms.  Their "mamaw horses"......

Here you didn't feel well....you were wearing that wig you hated....but you pressed on and gave us the gift of a weekend FULL of memories with you that we carry with us forever.  I plan to take them to Dixie Stampede, soon.  Very soon. 

I make sure they know how much you love them.  As I look around the ballpark at the proud mamaws and grannys that never miss a game or a performance.....I think of you.  I know you are there, too.  I know that when Syd asks me for about $20 each ballgame for the concession stand, and I have to tell her "no"....that you would slide her a few bucks when I wasn't looking.  :) You would be THAT lady who yelled like a fool when they did something good....and it would be NO secret which kid was "yours."  :)  Complete with "Sydney Clare's Mamaw" or "I love #4" on your back.  No doubt.  That would be you.

I know you would keep the road hot between Newport and Benton.....and I'd have to get a better mattress for the guest room for you.  :)  I'd probably be a much better cook because I'm finally willing to learn!  My kiddos' events and special days would be much more "grand" and "special" because YOU were that person that made them that way.  What in the WORLD am I gonna do when she gets married??????

I wish I'd have let you teach me a couple of little things like hemming pants, and sewing on buttons....haha.  HOWEVER....you'd be proud of the few things I've learned to do as a "dance mom"....I can "stone" and "bedazzle" with the best!  :)

I've drifted a little...reminiscing of you and what a presence you were in our lives.  But back to my point....Since we lost you, I've always dreaded May.  Gloomy, depressed, even grumpy.  Not this year.  I have a peace.  I'm actually excited about Mother's Day.  Yes.....I do miss you.  I miss being able to celebrate WITH you.  But, I am excited that my children get to celebrate me....and together we can celebrate you.

They are perfect.  If I didn't do anything right in the world....I've definitely made TWO beautiful contributions to it with Sam and Syd.  They are my best friends.  Together, we have so much fun! I've always got one or the other....or one AND the other piled up in the bed for TV time.  Its perfect. 




To update ya on them....Syd is our new Pepstepper!  I'm sure you already knew that.....though.  She is loving it and so far on Cloud 9 that I bet you can reach down and touch her!  :)

Aren't they just BEAUTIFUL?  They truly are, inside and out.  And guess what?????   Both kiddos will both be "doing their thang" at the SAME place, on the SAME night this year!  I know that YOU know how awesome that is!

I can't believe her Junior High years are about to come to an end.  You would be so proud of her.  She and I are such buddies and we share laughs day after day.  She has my "prissy attitude" and unfortunately, my smarty-pants mouth.  But its ok....As you know, I've had YEARS more practice!  :)

In all seriousness, she is precious.  Responsible, loving and a true joy to be around. 

In a recent email from her Jr. High Dance Coach...

"She has been such a joy to coach. You should be so proud of her. She has been such a leader for our team I hate to lose her. It is rare that you see a young girl with such a positive attitude all the time that is so eager to help and build her teammates up. I wish her all the best!​ She is such a sweet girl I will miss her so much. "

Can't beat that!  I love my Syd. <3  

Sambo's "spirit" is struggling a bit with baseball this year....due to some circumstances beyond his control....BUT, you would never know it.  Never complains.  And I mean, Ever.  Always the first one to cheer on his teammates....and I don't care if he IS my son....I will tell anyone -- by far one of the best attitudes on the field...and off.  That is worth his weight in gold, Mom.  For that?  I'm proud.  I wish I could share his outlook through adversity.  I learn from him daily. He is honest and kind.  ALMOST....to a fault.  I am blessed.

Here are a few pics from "Panther Family Day"...

Here's our Panther...



I love, love, LOVE this pic.  In HIS favorite place....with his #1 Fan.  I will forever cherish these moments. <3



Supportin our boy....Me and my "Diamond Doll"  :)



Here are the Juniors.  Can you believe our little Cubs grew up?????


Seems like just yesterday....Remember this, momma?

He's always been a Panther....:)

His team is top in the conference (Even beat Bryant once! :)) and are currently set to be #1 seed at State in a couple of weeks.  The Championship will be played at Baum, Home of the "Diamond-Backs" and would be a dream for Sam.  His coach says the goal is "always to win the last game."  So that....is Sam's dream, also.  A win would mean that he got a "State Ring" before his sister.  A fear of his that is VERY real.  And valid!  :)

If I could get him to clean his darn room and fold and put away his laundry...he'd be close to perfect!  :)  Like you said I would...I get it!  :)  One thing....if you have any pull with the "Big Guy"....he could sure use some help with his ACT score!  hehe  Seriously, college talk gives me hives and makes me wanna throw up.  So that's all I have to say about that right now.  How did you let us go?  I get that too, unfortunately.  :(

They will be leaving to go on Choir Tour with Pure Energy in a few weeks.  We are SOOOOO blessed that they have the opportunity to be a part of something so special.  They are visiting places I've never been....and seeing parts of the country that I would never be able to take them.  They are leading worship and touching those in ways I could never imagine.  This year they are going to Colorado.  Even will lead the National Anthem on the field of a Rockies Game!  How cool is that??



Here is sneak peak....Pure Energy '14.  Aren't they incredible???


What I love most about them is they really are best friends.  They support each other.  I know that now matter what my future holds.....They will always have each other.  ...

Their support of each other is certainly the rule and not the exception.  This just makes my heart full of joy!

They are growin' up on me, Momma.  I'm doing my best to cherish every cotton-pickin' moment!


Here are a few Easter pics....

No, she is not QUITE taller than him...yet.  In Sam's words, "Mom, those shoes make her 6 feet TALL!"  :)  She sure doesn't get that from us!  :)  Oh, to have those legs.....

Had to throw one in of my David.  I've already told you all about him and I've told him all about you.  And SOOO wish he would have gotten to know and love you like we do.  I'm sure you know all too well that God had a hand in this.  I love him.  And more importantly, Mom....He loves ME!  <3

Ok...a couple more. :) We are dorks and love photo booths!  Here are couple....

See, Mom?  He lets me be "me."  Many have tried to change me.  And many have failed.  I've hit the jackpot!  :)  Ding.Ding.Ding.  <3

I had the BEST role model in you as a Mom.  But darn it! I don't hold a candle to you!  :)  I am an alarm clock, short-order cook, maid, waitress, teacher, nurse, referee, handyman, artist, security officer, private investigator, photographer, counselor, chauffer, demerit-saver, event planner, hairdresser, personal assistant, an ATM, and I occasionally even have to scare away the boogie man.  I'm on call 24-7 and don't get holidays off.  I'm a mom.  I LOVE it!  And...just like YOU said I would.....I get it. :)

I do have moments.  "Woe is me" moments.  But you left behind such a Village.  I reach out to Judy when I REALLY need a dose of "you"....She is the closest thing left on earth to you.  I have Jay, and Dad, and of course, Tootie and Chuck have adopted us and loves us through all of our mistakes and victories like "only a mother could"  haha.  It protects me.  It restores me....and gives me love.  Jay is still the epitome of the perfect husband and father.  Jacob and Hannah are precious, and are the apple of Aunt Terri's eye!  He and Leah are raising them in a loving, Christian home.  Just like you taught us!  I am going to see Mamaw soon....She misses Papaw and you....so very much.  As we all do.  But knowing we will meet again...brings a peace and a hope that lets us go on.  You're still with us....And I see all the little ways you let us know that.  I get it, Mom.

Things in my life are falling into place.  Loose ends are being tied.  I'm happy, Momma.  I'm really, really happy.


I strive to live every day by some of the last words you said to me.  "To 'Let go and Let God' handle my needs and priorities. And to continue raising my children in the company of Christian friends."  You are right.  He provides ALL of our needs, and most of our wants.  Yep, again....I get it.

This is how I remember you most....Smiling and silly. You made my childhood special.  You instilled in me how to love and give ALL of myself to my children.  I try, Mom.  I sure hope you would be proud.  Being a mom has truly completed me as a person here on earth.  It is such a gift.  They have brought such joy into my life.  Through them, I've met the best of friends and found joy in the simplest of things.  I just love it.  There really is no greater love than a mother's love.  You always told us that....And....I get it.

I've been told there is a bit of resemblance.  :))  I take it as a compliment in the highest form.  <3

Happy Mother's Day, momma...to US!  I miss you more every day.  Oh, And Happy Early Birthday.  I won't even tell everyone that you're turning 62!  Old lady!  :)  I love you, momma. And I promise you....I really DO get it! <3

Love,

T


PS....I couldn't help but read back through some old posts and found a couple where I shared "you".....Thought I'd tag them again.  They make me smile.  <3
http://terricoxbaker.blogspot.com/2012/05/may-27-happy-happy-birthday.html
http://terricoxbaker.blogspot.com/2012/05/may-27-happy-happy-birthday.html