In every aspect of my life....changes are taking place. All "good changes"....but as with anything....change presents just that.....change.
Sidenote: I laugh at myself at all the ways I am beginning to show my age. 1) I hate loud music. Loud televisions. Noise, in general. If I had a dollar for everytime I had to say...."Turn that down!" Or, rather text it from the next room....because they can't HEAR me hollering. I am becoming my mother. 2) Fat. Ugggg....I remember the days when I could eat anything I wanted and still be only 90 lbs. soaking wet. Now the dilemma....which sucks more? Being hungry or being fat? Verdict is still out on that one. 3) My bones hurt. Every morning I think I need the human equivilent of "W-D 40" to get my joints to moving. 4) I'm blind as a bat. TRI-focals. No judgement. 5) Hot flashes and insomnia. One is directly related to the other!
(2 thru 5 I have been blaming on chemo. But I guess after a year....I have to stop using that excuse. Sigh... )
AND 6) CHANGE. I'm resistant to change. I used to be the one that was eager to try something new. But lately, I've found that I'm content with how things are. And that isn't always a good thing.....which brings me to this post.
Anyway, changes. At work....new software, new ad campaign, new direction for the company. New. New. New. It's been a challenge. But I work with people who were ME 10 years ago. So I've been forced to get back in the game. Even though internally, I fought it. Feels good. Feels real, real good.
My oncology clinic closed its doors. A place that was my "safe haven" for so long. There I found comfort, healing, friendships, smiles, hugs......This was the place that everyone "got it." Strangely enough.....I faced a LOT of changes there in a few short months. Faced a lot of fears. Cried some tears. Felt love. Gosh, it was a truly wonderful place. I still have the same doctor.....but when I went for my checkup earlier this month....I was nervous. I walked into the "new clinic" and while everyone was incredibly nice....I didn't know a soul. Except the doctor. Of course....he is the important one. But.....still. Change is hard. (BTW...Good report....well, no report, really. No news is good news...right??)
Even my gynocologist....who diagnosed my breast cancer... has also retired. Still undecided about who to see next. More changes.
I'm BACK on the diet. Nothin says "get the weight off" like booking your summer vacation and an email regarding your high school class reunion! Momma's gotta get busy! :) Prayers appreciated!
My kids are growing up y'all. Senior rings. Booking Senior pictures. College information in the mailbox no less than 3 days a week. ACT tests.....all that for my Sam. And my Syd is trying out for High School dance team in a few short weeks. Time is flashing before my eyes, friends. I can't stand it.
My church. Kicked off a multi-year campaign for its vision. GROW. GIVE. GO. You will most likely find me blogging about how this is effecting my personal faith walk as we journey forward but to date, we are focusing on the "GROW." David and I happily signed "commitment cards" along side my church family, in which we vowed to:
1) Spend time regularly reading God's Word. CHECK :)
2) Memorize one relevant scriptiure passage each month in 2014.
January: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and correctly handles the truth." 2 Timothy 2:15 (That age thing again.....I can't remember much....so you will find this taped to my bathroom mirror, to my computer at work, the homescreen of my phone, and just below the speedometer of my car....)
3) Get connected in at least one small group at church. CHECK :)
4) Start and end each day in prayer. CHECK :)
5) Be an intentional witness for Jesus Christ. This one? Is a work in progress....
I've seen the word, "Intentional" quite a bit lately. I'm really good about minding my business and sitting quietly in my on little world and the first one to help....IF asked. BUT being "Intentional"?? Intentional for Christ. Wowza.
Recently, in a facebook post, I randomly asked the question....."Tell me how I can pray for you today?" I received no less than 20 responses that day. Via public comment.....private inbox.....text.....and phone calls. For rounding purposes....20. Twenty people asked for prayer....because of a random request on facebook. It was an honor to go to The Lord for 20 of my friends. Actually....to be quite honest...that 20 included friends and strangers. The requests included everything from physical healing, to financial worries, to marital struggles, to just plain old life. That day, and in those days since....my prayers now have such a deeper purpose. They have been intentional.
I love being "that friend".....that someone can slip me a text. Or an email....and say....Pray, Terri. And I want to be more of "that friend." I've learned that my friends who pray for and with me? Are the ones I truly lean on and love the most. There is nothing like havin a spiritual connection with a friend. A true "sister in Christ."
Life is just hard, sometimes. I am so broken. And "unperfect." I've come to learn that God uses those broken moments....He uses those times in our lives to challenge us. They are opporunities to grow. To reach out to Him. To show us that He never leaves or forsakes us. He teaches us grace. And forgiveness. And love.
I still have relationships in need of mending. Habits in need of breaking. A heart and body in need of healing. Children in need of guidance. And a faith in need of growing. Change. Change really is good. I'm just not really good "at it." I am going to try to be intentional in everything.
My spiritual heart is in a really good place. We laugh.... but Cancer took my boobies but restored my heart. As literal as that is....its the truth. I now know a peace that I never knew before. I harbor no resentment toward anyone. I've totally forgiven anyone who has hurt me. And one by one....I'm letting them know. In turn, I'm praying about those I have hurt. That The Lord let them see the path back to my front door open for them. Whatever happens....I am finally on that path to a peace....that passes ALL understanding. And a love for others....that mirrors HIS love for us.
"Intentional Change" -- What a concept.
In Him,
Terri
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