Wow....what a perfect perfect weekend. Baseball Friday night. Lotsa fun outdoors with David and the kiddos.....enjoyed the company of friends I haven't seen in a while. Great church service today. What a way to start the week! :)
I find myself feeling a little wierd tonight. Its like the good Lord is sitting right next to me. I so feel his presence. I don't deserve such goodness. At all. Its almost been a year since my diagnosis. In fact, the anniversary date of that is just 9 days away. I go back to my onocologist tomorrow for a checkup. To make sure nothing "not right" is going on in the 3 months since I was last there.
This is where the "weirdness" comes in. I am overcome with peace. Not scared at all. Last week and the week before, and even a couple of days ago, I was feeling anxious. But today? right now? I'm perfectly ok with whatever happens. I know its God's plan. I have felt the best Ive felt in a year this past week. I don't have to nap the second I get home. I've enjoyed my kids and been a more active part of their lives.
I've visited my brother and his family last weekend and worshipped at his church with my dad and kiddos. He and I have planned a vacation in June to the beach with our families. First time ever we have have taken a vacation together. Our kids are SOOO excited.....and so are we adults! :) Can I afford it? Absolutely not. lol But I don't care. I'm making the most of every second I can.
Reminds me of last year about this time. I took my kids on their first cruise. Not knowing at the time what was ahead of me. That I was about to start the fight of my life. I was about to move into our new home.....life was so good. I took my income tax refund and we had such a wonderful time. A couple of weeks later, I found out about the "Big C". Being a single mom, I immediately kicked myself in the hiney for taking that trip and not "saving for a rainy day." Then it hit me.....God had HIS hand in that....giving me that time with them. Giving us those memories knowing that I would be out of commission for a bit. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Same with my upcoming trip to the beach with Jay. I am so excited to make those memories with him and his family. For our children to have a week to enjoy each other. God has blessed us today and we need to enjoy today.
As good as I have felt lately. As wonderful as things seem to be going....I can't help but think there is a possibility that I may not get the most desirable news tomorrow. Who knows? I'm not scared. Satan isn't going to take the natural human weakness to be afraid of medical results and shake my faith. So get back, Jack! That darned devil has crept into my brain and said...."this is just how it happened last year.....Bam! out of nowhere....Cancer." He can kiss my hiney. I've been given and accepted His amazing grace. I have two healthy and happy children who know Jesus. Almost as importantly.....They also know Satan. And know the difference!! I've been redeemed and am forever in His arms. Whatever He decides to do with the rest of my days I am pretty ok with it.
My little brother knows just how to share a verse, a song, or a thought with me at the times when I need it. He sent this video to me this week......
Verbatum.....I can share this with you about how I feel.....how I'm at peace about my appointment tomorrow. I do not have to say another word.
Of course, I hope my next update is "Still Cancer Free".....and if so to Him be the glory! If not.....I will Praise HIM in my storm. Either way.....The reason that I'm standing....Stands in Front of me.
I have stood for the Gospel
When it seemed I stood alone
And through the heartaches and frustration
I kept my focus on the Throne
So many times I have recalled
The Savior's words so true
"If you won't be ashamed of me
Then I won't be of you"
So I'll proudly stand until I see
The face of the One who gave
Everything for me
Chorus:
When the reason that I'm standing
Stands in front of me
Every battle that I've fought
Will fade from memory
I'll bow before His mighty throne
And fall down on my knees
When the reason that I'm standing
Stands in front of me
The road has not been easy
At times I lost my way
So often I have stumbled
Searching for the light of day
Circumstances all around me
I thought I'd surely fall
When the whispering of doubt fear
Told me "You will lose it all"
But He kept me with His Amazing Grace
And someday soon I'll have the chance
To thank Him face to face
Chorus
We will join the millions
Every kindred tongue and race
Every child of God that day
Will look upon His face
And the heroes and the martyrs
Who died on the pagan sword
We'll all stand together
And declare, "JESUS IS LORD"
When the reason that I'm standing
Stands in front of me
I challenge everyone to share in my "reason".....:)
I was very touched an honored to be sitting next to my mom at Newport's Relay for Life Friday night......I know she was smiling too......
In Him,
Terri
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