To you...Moms

Dear Panther Moms,

As we enter the playoff season of my son's Senior year, I have a few things I want to say to each of you. I would like to honestly say these things...."before emotions take over"....but that isn't entirely true.  I've had that proverbial knot in my throat for quite some time.

I've known most of you for years. Sat next to you at ballgames or church.  Some of you are my in my closest circle, and others I've met as recently as last week.  I have watched, and cheered on your children for years....and you, mine.  Funny how we migrate to each other through our children.

On Sept 2, 2014, the Tuesday before the Salt Bowl....we began.  Just threw it out there on a FB page and a couple of texts.  And this little group was formed.  The coaches allowed us to enter "their space".....and come together for no other reason...than to pray.  We aren't pastors, or missionaries, or clergy....just a group of moms who are friends coming together to pray for our children.

What started in a group text of 3 or 4, is now 88 members strong on facebook, and new members are added daily.  We have about 10 (give or take) who are faithful in attendance each and every week, without fail.   We come, stand in the same spot in the center of the locker room each and every game day...like literally, the SAME spot (right Pam?  hehe), almost like old folks and their pew at church.
As we stand in that circle, rosters in hand and call out each player by name, it is at those moments that I literally feel the "strength" of a praying mom. Those who cannot be physically present, are praying at 7 am with us....wherever they may be.  We know this!  It has been by far the most incredible group of ladies I've ever been a part of.  To know that we can come together at halftime or right there in the stands and join hands and go to our Father in prayer....ANYTIME....is such an honor.

I cherish the new friends I've made.  Those whose path I may have never crossed.  Who I now have this special bond with that I'll take with me forever.  I cherish the deeper relationships that I've been blessed with....with those who have been fellow "ball and dance moms" for years, but now have been strengthened during these stolen moments in prayer.  Where there used to be a division, of sorts....is now a togetherness.

From the very beginning, you said yes.  For every idea, you said yes.  For every need, you said yes.

This season has brought with it an abundance of memories for our Panther family, and for me.  Among my favorites are these moments with each of you.  We have shared tears and joys and worries and victories.  We have supported one another and shared and grown in the common bond of simply loving our children.  For that, I say thank you.

As I walk through the room each week, and touch every helmet, I can't help but see how blessed I am to have to walk around mothers kneeling in front of their son's locker in prayer, to have to walk around moms walking through and doing the same -- praying for each and every one.  To fight for a pen each week, to leave notes of encouragement.  To know that they are lifted into His arms for safety, sportsmanship, and honor.  This has to be the "black belt" of motherhood.  To know....these ladies are praying for my son.  And your son.  And your son.  And your daughter.  And your children's coaches.  That, my friends, is the good stuff.

Look at what we/YOU have done this year!  :)

We asked HIM to enter here....

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."  Matthew 18:20

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The Roster.  Week after week -- you prayed for these

(And cheer....And pepsteppers!)

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

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Salt Bowl Prayer

A Saline County tradition, Lord…

Where each one picks a side…

Will it be Maroon or will it be Blue,

That you will choose with pride?

The players using their talents and gifts….

Each handpicked for them by You.

Protect their bodies AND their hearts, Lord…

As they do what they are taught to do!

The Coaches guiding and molding them

Turning young boys into men…

Teaching them that no matter what the scoreboard shows…

In the end, lies a WIN.

The referees and their whistles….

Hold them tight as they guide a fair game.

Give them honor, wisdom, and pride….

Because within it, really has no fame.

The Band gives us music….

And leads everyone of Your children in spirit.

They, too, showcase Your glorious gifts…

Where would this game be without it??

The Cheerleaders are leading us….

In cheers, chants and smiles!

Each loving their team and school,

Across each and every mile.

Two dance teams will take the halftime show…

Kicking, leaping, and most likely a prance…

For they, TOO, my precious Lord…

Are Praising YOUR name in the Dance.

Moms are praying….Dads are pacing…

And fans are cheering loud.

For no matter what color they are wearing,

NOone is more proud.

Some are there Lord…just for fun…

And haven’t thought of the outcome in sight.

Bless them too Lord, For those, we all know….

Do not have a “dog in the fight.” :)

Some are born with Panther love

While others bleed Hornet blue….

One thing we all have in common, Lord…

Is we all strive to honor YOU.

No matter what the scoreboard shows….

At the end of this Crazy game.

Two Teams…One Dream…

We know within YOU, lies our flame.

# FAMILY

-T. Baker

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Oct 3 - Homecoming game....:)

Every player, cheerleader, dancer, and member of the court received our note of prayer! :)

We said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard.
We felt the answer in our hearts
Although He spoke no word!

We didn't ask for wealth or fame
(We knew you wouldn't mind).
We asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!

We asked that He be near you
At the start of each new day;
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way!

We asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small.
But it was for His loving care
We prayed the most of all!

I can do ALL things through Christ, Who gives me strength..."  Philippians 4:13

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October 10 - Sheridan Game

God, may You use this field to show these young men and coaches discipline and Godly principals.  May you use this game to illustrate how to tackle sin “head on.”  To crush the enemy that tries to take up ground in their territory.  We pray, God, that they handle the football like it contains your truths inside.  May they never drop it, let others take it away from them, but protect it and carry it around with them always.  May they learn to protect each other, block for one another, and help each other up.  Whenever life is hard for one of them, let them know its not too hard for all of them to come together in Your name and unite to protect their house.  God let them find the courage to oppress on when tired, when weary to fight the good fight, and reach for the prize that awaits them.  If it is Your plan, let them learn the lessons from defeat quickly, to recover from a blow right then and to adjust to stop defeat in its tracks.  Lord, let them also learn from these abundant wins.  Let them taste the fruits of their labors, but also show them winning also has its lessons and improvements can always be made.  Show them how to give YOU the glory, God!  Whether in winning or losing, show them how to have grateful hearts and to bring everything before You, Lord…both the good and the bad.  Help our Panthers to listen and obey their coaches, especially You, Lord, their ultimate Coach.  Keep both our team and our opponents safe and free from injury.  Give them the courage to pass the good news to others and to receive your unfailing love and grace.  Please be with the fans, the spirit teams, the band and all involved on this field tonight.  Thank you, God, for being the Benton Panthers’ #1 Fan.    These things we pray in YOUR name.  Amen

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Oct 17 - Texarkana Game

"Build me a Panther"....

BUILD ME A PANTHER

Build me a PANTHER, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; 

One who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a PANTHER, whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a PANTHER who will know Thee, and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a PANTHER whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a PANTHER who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.

Then, I, his MOTHER, will dare to whisper, have not lived in vain.

May he remember, my PANTHER, that it’s not his performance that captures Your attention.  It’s his complete dependence on YOU, that you notice.

Amen

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Sheridan - "Soggy Halftime Show" - Jim Gardner/Grant Merrill allowed us to invade the pressbox for the Breast Cancer Awareness "pink out" game and to tell everyone about our ministry on the Saline247.com broadcast.  So blessed that they are such supporters of our little group!  

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October 17 -- Praying moms over the Pepsteppers at the Bryant Invitational Dance Competition.

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October 27 - Saline County Citizens of the Day!  :)

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We have a banner!  We had a need, and Jim Gardner (And Northside Church of Christ) provided!  :)

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October 31 - Senior Night (front)

SENIOR NIGHT LIGHTS:  

There's nothing quite like a small southern town..

When family and friends all gather around.

Shouting and cheering and clapping their hands --

Music and cowbells and joy fill the stands.

Tonight we as Panthers.... will walk in side by side.

One Team, One Heartbeat, One Family abide.

A brother on my left and one on my right.

You bet I'll protect him with my heart, soul, and might.

We learned as young boys how to give and take a hit

It’s all a part of the game, you see……that Friday night grit.

We learned Trust, Character, Commitment, and Panther Pride, too

For the WEAK GET EATEN from the Panther Demolition Crew!

Because of this game, our hearts know true love…

For Our brothers, our Coaches, and our Heavenly Father above.

They have led us and taught us, turned us boys into men.

We are playing tonight, knowing what is REALLY a "win."

Our last night as Seniors, but forever Panthers stand tall....

We'll always be remembered as our Moms' "Boys of Fall."

We hope and we pray they'll never forget this dream team,

Our legacy, our faith - We're the "Class of '15!”

Panthers forever...even when the last whistle blows.

It's a memory, a blessing, a feeling we all know.

So tonight as we walk through that tunnel to fight....

Never EVER forget, boys....these "Senior Night Lights."

                                                                                                       - t. baker
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(Senior Night) Back

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

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Our "M&M Prayer" -- given to all team members and to the little ones at the "Trunk or Treat" Tailgate!  :)  We asked for M&Ms....and LORD, we produced the M&Ms!  Thank you!

Each color tells the PANTHER story, one you may or may not know…

It’s happened here in Benton, not too long ago.

Green is for helping us grow….a little stronger every day.

Blue is for reaching to Heaven….and for Him to guide our way.

Orange shows our enthusiasm….for each and every play.

Yellow is for accepting God’s grace….even when we lose our way.

Brown is for our humility….in actions and what we say.

Red is for teaching us why Jesus died….and straight to Him we pray.

As you hold these candies in your hand and turn them you will see….

The  “M” becomes a “W,” a “3” and then an “E.”

“M” is for MAROON, which shows our Panther Pride…..

For our Marvelous Panther Family, and Christ who led the ride.

“E” is for the Excellence – And tonight we celebrate….

Our hard work and faithful hearts….on the turf beneath our feet.

The “3” is for our Panther team….led by God, family, and friends….

One team, One Heartbeat, One family….fills the Panther Stands.

“W” of course is “WHO” we are and “WHO” we have become.

Winners on AND off the field…..in the eyes of God, Dads, and Moms.

So, as you eat these candies, and enjoy this Panther treat;

Remember the true meaning of Panther Pride, and God’s gift to us so sweet. 

                                                                                         - t.baker

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November 7 - Pine Bluff "Conference Championship" Game.  We organized and distributed well over 1200 pieces of "mail"....letters and notes of encouragement for every player, cheerleader and dancer.  This was an overwhelming feat and we did it!  Again, you said yes.  You answered the call.  I've been told of the touching words, tears of joy, and wealth of emotion and support this project provided to our boys....who defeated Pine Bluff that very evening for the Conference Championship.

This is one of many....and what it's all about friends!  :) 

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This isn't everyone, of course....:)

Here we are....where we have to win the game to stay alive.....to keep playing.....just know this.  I love you.  Each and every one of you.  For coming to prayer each week to intercede on behalf our our children.  Not to try to influence God, but to change the nature of OUR hearts so that we can be a source of strength for this program God has placed us in.

To quote a BHS Student in a message earlier this season:

"Ms. Terri, I was scrolling through Facebook just now and came across y'all's Panther Mom Ministry page. I read most of the posts and saw some of the pictures and it absolutely made my heart SO happy. I wanted to thank you. For everything you've lead and done for our boys. that ministry is the best thing I have ever seen. thank y'all so much for praying for our sweet boys every game day and most likely more often than that. I pray for them on the bus to every game and as I'm walking out onto the field at home games, knowing He will hear me. To know that I'm not the only one doing it is such a blessing. I have gained so much love and respect for you in these past couple of years and that keeps on growing. See you Friday "

Thank you for filling gaps, and seeing needs where sometimes alone we would fall short.  Most of all thank you for your loving kindness.  For seeing the strength in numbers and for believing that together we can make a difference.  This letter/post isn't for "pats on the back" or accolades for all the goodness we have accomplished.  This group has never been about that.  But I want you to know what YOU have done.  I want us to grow.  I want to do this again next year...and the year after that.

Let us never forget to pray.  God lives.  He is near.  He is real.  He is not only aware of us but cares for us.  He is our Father.  He is accessible to all who will seek Him.

As the football season nears the end ....we are not done.  Our prayers will continue, this I know.  May God's richest blessings fall upon you all....forever.  As life takes us different places and into different seasons, I will never forget these moments with you.

In Him... Our hope was built!
Love and Blessings,
Terri

  

Job...with a long "O"

Someone get another box of tissues, because apparently I've sprung a leak.

I've considered taking a writing hiatus. The reason is simple and complicated all at the same time.  I realized that who I am "here" and what I'm going through "out there" are not always "in sync."  

When I was going through "the cancer" people would tell me I was "inspirational."  That drove me absolutely batty.  I was ANYTHING but.  Sometimes, I felt like a big, fat liar.  I also found out that sometimes it even intimidated people...until we had a conversation and they saw me living in this scary, crazy, technicolor hot mess.  (Then we were cool.)

Sometimes I get messages about this blog and people tell me how peaceful I sound.  I'm NOT!

Do I believe what I write here?  Absolutely. I believe in a loving, forgiving and grace-filled God.  I believe we can trust God.  I believe we do not ever walk alone.  Err umm.... I believe that YOU don't ever walk alone.  

The truth is, often I feel like I've ticked God off in a major way and He has washed His hand of me. (Picture him wiping his hands together to brush off the crumbs of my messiness.)  I feel it in my heart when I am feeling unlovely and maybe a little bit like everyone else's life is working out and mine is not. so. much.  I feel the envy rotting my bones.  I feel the weight of poor decisions on my shoulders.  I feel... hopeless. 

I don't think anyone else should feel this way. I think God is all merciful and loving.  It's just that...I don't understand why things haven't worked out. Clearly my sins, my poor decisions and my own messiness are far worse than yours.  Right?  Because I must have done something...

So when I write, imagine me trying to find the peace through my words.  When you read, know that I am trying to find my way.  I know the Truth, but I cannot always feel it.  I know He is with me, but sometimes I feel like I cannot find Him.  His footsteps are silent, His hands so gentle that I may not notice their embrace.  

At these times, I just know that somehow, someway He will get me through. And He will get you through, too.  Often I write to work through things, which makes it seem all methodical and peaceful and clean..which is what I am doing now except...Life, my friends, is often very messy, especially when lived fully and with risks and mistakes.  Gosh, I have an abundance of those.  Mistakes, that is.

When I started this blog, it was for my kiddos.  That they will have my words, when I die.  Then I get a couple of compliments and I began to dream this "pie in the sky" idea that I would someday get a book contract and maybe even get to speak from a Christian perspective.  The reality is, the real me probably wouldn't fit in so well with that.  I kinda guess that's what makes this my safe place.  HERE, I can write whatever I choose.  And when I die....my kids will STILL have my words.

That said, I will continue to write.  However....in truly prissy fashion...I can tell you this, "You don't have to read it."  If you do, and have a less than kind opinion, fall down on your knees and pray for me. I promise it will make BOTH of us feel better. And Lord knows that I need them.  I get tickled at times that Satan slips in and makes me want to write to DEFEND the things I write.  Ludicrous.  

I know that if I filled my life with only things deemed pleasing to God, I would be better off and I know in my head that God loves me flaws and poor choices and all.  (That's grace.)  My heart is not on the same "God loves me" page.  Ironic because I spend a lot of time telling other people something that my heart cannot believe for me.  

It really hit home for me last night as I heard about a young man on Sam's team who lost his father to cancer.  'Scuse my french, but Cancer is really an asshole. Forgive the profanity, but there is really no other word for it.  As Sam choked up telling me about his friend, I tried to console him and my words felt stuck in my throat and I felt like my stomach was full of rocks...WHY does "someone like me survive"....and not others?  Twisted.  I know.

You see, life has been kind of rough all the way around for years..and sometimes I feel like, "Why even bother?"  We've spent a lot of time and energy trying to follow Gods will and I'm kind of in a "What the heck?"  mood.  Nothing I do seems to make a difference.

I come from a tradition that screams, "Saved by grace through faith and not by works of the law."  so I do not necessarily believe my actions result in salvation, but sometimes, it would be nice if my actions would result in a little good news in the "here and now" not only in an "end time" which I cannot even begin to imagine.  I understand and believe that faith is reflected in how we handle adversity. I am trying hard to see silver linings, but to be honest...sometimes the tarnish gets to me.

I do not have the patience nor the faith of Job, it would seem. Sometimes, I feel as if I do not even have the faith of a mustard seed...I have the shaken and  fractured faith of a woman who doesn't ever have to wait long for the other shoe to drop...on her head, as the can of spaghettios falls on her bare foot.

This is me.  It's real.  My kids struggle and sometimes the only help I can offer is hugs and love them with everything I have (and it doesn't ever seem to be enough).  I like to listen to (sing along with and dance to) loud rock music with lyrics I wouldn't want my kids to sing along to (that's what ear buds and car rides by myself are for..so I either sing along at the top of my lungs  or I'm dancing around the kitchen to music no one else can hear), I enjoy a cocktail every once in a while, good books (good being relative), social media, walking on the beach, bad reality TV (had to throw that in, hehe) and lots of other things.  I struggle with problems and questions.  My home is in a constant state of clutter...wonderful blessings of "chaos."  There's never enough time or money or peace.   I am imperfect and rarely truly "at peace".  I am seeking my true self instead of fulfilling the expectations of others and trying not to be selfish and hurt the ones I love in the process.  (Talk about a delicate balance...) 

So yesterday I woke up in the wee small hours of the morning feeling all anxious about things out of my control. (What is not out of my control, other than my responses?) All day, even as I acknowledged that handing it over to God was the thing to do, I worried and wondered and found new things to add to my pile of anxieties.

It was tiring. I think the only time I wasn't worried was when I was squeezing in an afternoon nap.

At some point it hit me that I am thankful for God's provision, for His hand working in my life and yet...I don't trust Him to follow through. I was still on guard and I was still trying to think through and plan for worst case scenarios. I wonder if next to the phrase, "What are we going to do if fill in the blank happens?" there is a picture of my 'deranged-with-anxiety' face.

I don't trust God? Really? Is that where I'm going?

You see, I offer Him my life, but then I want to be sure to micro-manage as much as possible. I feel responsible for anticipating all the worst case scenarios, expecting them even. After all, anticipating them means I will have a plan, right? WRONG! All it means is that I have missed out on the joy of today worrying about possible sorrows of tomorrow, most of which never come to pass.

It also means I do not trust God to take care of me. I say He has my life. I say I am thankful for His provision and then I doubt His goodness. I say He is my portion and then my heart and mind and actions show how little I trust in Him.

I remember exactly where I was when this clicked in my head last night. I was walking up the hallway to check on the kids,  feeling the weight of so many things on my shoulders when I realized I was saying I trusted God, but never expecting Him to follow through.  That realization took my breath away. Am I all talk, no faith? I didn't think so. I mean I have faith. I believe He is enough and that He will provide. He always does. I just don't always walk the walk.

I worry everything to death. I over-analyze, prepare and plan. I want to do something, to have a hand in things and be in control.  In effect, whenever I recognize and am thankful for God's blessings in my life, it is my habit to say, "Thanks but, fill in the blank with whatever could go wrong." 

What I should be doing, what I could be doing, is rejoicing in the blessings, living in the moment and letting God handle things. My worry is not going to change a single thing and will end up sucking up my joy and the joy of those around me.

Last night, I went to bed saying, "Thank You, Lord, for Your provision and blessings. You have provided me with enough and I am going to lean on You and trust in Your word." It is a tough habit to break, to not say, "Thank You, but..." . 

To steal a dear friend's phrase, "I'm seeking the balance between edgy and respectable."  I am certainly not Job (long O).

The best place I've found peace, friends.....is in prayer.  2nd best place?  This blog.  My space.  Welcome.

In Him,

Terri

Thankful...

This morning, Little Miss Sydney Clare, who is NOT a morning person, was stomping around because she was running late, her brother wasn't moving as fast as she thought he should have...blah, blah, blah.  This is a typical morning at the Baker house and sometimes there are even tears in her eyes and she just isn't a happy camper.  Syd is a passionate child.  My loud one.  Couple that with grumpy mornings and sometimes it just isn't pretty.

Today, I tried to reason with her and in true teenager fashion and she turned away, crossing her arms, and stomped off in a huff.  Nothin was gonna please her at that moment.  THEN, as she bound out the door, STILL bossing her brother, I get an "I love you mom, See you at 3!" ....in between her demands.

In that moment, I remembered my own desires for comfort and how I seek them and where I find them, or don't. You see, I expect love and comfort and peace and satisfaction to come from the people in my life, or from within me.  I expect that David or my kids or my friends or my job or or hobby or food will fill the void.  According to the Bible, only God can fill that void.

So the other day, in my frustration, I stood in the shower, crying (because apparently I can only cry in the shower, otherwise I can't cry,  or I have to stop to explain to concerned onlookers why I am crying which, while it is nice to have my teenagers care, it would be nice to be allowed to experience a feeling and not have to give a dissertation about it).  In my frustration, my, "I don't know if  everything is really going to be okay." I said, "I don't know how to let You fill, me Lord."  I thought I knew and now, I am not sure how to let God fill that void and live in that place of peace.

It's a little like dancing naked, admitting here, for the world to read, that I am not sure how to let God fill me right now.

I have been hearing the word integrity a lot from others, about being the person of integrity in the room. I wonder sometimes what others think integrity means and so I hope I am acting with integrity by saying that I am struggling with this how right now.  I am struggling with how?  and  what if...? and  why not...?  I am surely not the first human and I will surely not be the last.  If it offends you... well, you can pray for me or you can stop reading or shrug, well, whatever...or do what my kids say is a "sub tweet"...meaning write about me on social media without actually calling my name.

Sometimes, I see people chastise each other.  Especially those of us "born again" Christians who really ARE born again.  Those of us who have lost their way at times, and are fighting to get back.  It will take me the rest of my days to "right the wrongs" that I've caused in my life, with others. But how awesome is it, friends....that Jesus already did that for me??  You see, being positive in a negative situation isn't being naive.  It's being a LEADER ( I saw that somewhere....and I'm flat stealing it, because that's good stuff!)

In our Praying Mom's group for the Football team, we do good every week.  EVERY WEEK, we pray, and we love and we lift up and we offer support.  (I'm dedicating a WHOLE post to this group someday soon....when I can get through it without crying.)  But everything about it is good.  I mean REALLY good.  Still, others have found a way to tarnish it.  We were called hypocrites because we didn't include other sports.  (Keep in mind its an open group and we have begged anyone and everyone to join us, and we openly pray for all groups.)  We have been accused of "praying for wins".....Which couldn't be further from the truth.  Ok....Maybe last week in Pine Bluff, I DID pray that field goal through the uprights in the last second of the game for the "win."....but I'm sure I wasn't alone! :)  I could argue that just as many on the opposing side were praying for a "wide left".   In all honesty, we pray for protection, we pray for His presence, we pray for their sportsmanship, and most of all we give Him glory for all we have been given.  

The undefeated season we are experiencing isn't due to a group of friends who are moms coming together to pray.  We prayed just as hard for my daughter's Dance Team who fell short of the title on Saturday.....Winning is defined by so much more.  I do believe He honors faithful hearts and hard work.  You do the "math."

My point being, friends.  Uplift each other.  Don't let Satan IN!  He tried to get in when we were working hard last week.  He tries to get in when God is moving the most.  DON'T LET HIM! I am FAR from qualified in leading prayer in a group such as this.  That's what makes it so wonderful.  God doesn't hear our words...he hears our HEARTS.

As for me... I just have to find a way to walk through this and get to the other side, soothing a smart-mouth little teenager and getting her big brother first INTO college and then off to college, while wanting the world to just stop cold.  I don't want one more minute on the clock to tick away.  I will do my best to be His hands and feet as I am able, being that I am sorely broken, like the rest of the world, I might add.

I see flashes of the past 18+ years so vividly.  I still remember his Dad's face when I told him there were 2 blue lines.  It may be the only time that man has ever been speechless. I remember the awe at the miracle of his birth.  I think love was really something tangible we could touch and hold in our hands in the predawn hours of that day.  I realize how fleeting those nights he slept no more than 5 minutes at a stretch really were.  They felt like they'd never end.  I remember the way he ran around at my mother's funeral like the perfect comic relief and the way chasing him was the carrot on the string that kept me from curling up in a ball of despair; his smile and laugh were sweet comfort. 

I remember when we had to buy pink.  Sydney's room looked like it had been hosed down with Pepto Bismol.    When she was 3 and we were new to our church, her Sunday School teacher was convinced we'd never be back...the story of the widow's mite had her in tears.  When she was 6 she announced she was going to build a 1000 story building for all the homeless people.  She is my personal assistant, my support, the one who will not let her brother be late and will help anything I ask.

I look at them and am so proud.  I see shades of the man he is yet to grow into and reflections of the boy he once was.  I see her as a compassionate young lady, and hell on wheels if you try to cross her. This kid can hold her own!  She wants to do right at all costs.....and point out when others don't!  :)  I watched her get into the car with her best friend of several years today....off to shop.  And I had a meltdown moment. WHEN did they grow up on me?

We want to give them roots and wings. We want to raise them so they can leave, but no matter how great we can be as parents (and I am far from great), we cannot control everything and everyone, including the children.  I cannot always protect these kids from others or even their own choices.  Having a part of my heart walking around outside my body can feel a little like someone squeezing the air of my lungs.

So today, I will cry a little. (Little is relative.)  I will iron his shirt and smile with pride when he leaves each morning.  I will help her find something out of MY closet to wear and help her with her hair.  I will hold these memories in my heart along with all the others I have been blessed with and there will always be room for more memories of them as they walk through this crazy, amazing adventure of life. Now, where is that box of tissues??

There were times when I wished 

to un-see, un-feel, un-know 
something 
gruesome, ugly, painful, unpleasant. 

I wished to have a thicker skin,
so that things would not hurt me;
would bounce off me like I had a protective shield.

Now, I am thankful...
To have eyes that see and emotions to feel
and to be changed
by all that I experience.

Through all that I experience each day,
I. Am. Changed.

I am free to act (or not) 
and to do or be (and become)...

Each day I am braver, 
more willing to see and feel and know...
and for that...
I am grateful.

In Him,

Terri

Spirit for Spirit?

One of the things I LOVE about Benton Panther football is the fact that the players don't have their names on the back of their jerseys. There is a sense that when you play for this school, you are part of something far bigger than you. We are a team. We are family. What a year this has proven to be?

As I posted my thoughts earlier this week, I've had a bit of a heavy heart.  Bear with me and try to understand. Please don't text me or send me an email....Because these are my feelings and I'm tired and grumpy!  haha
 

Sydney Clare and the Pepsteppers leave on Friday to compete in their State Competition.  The real deal....where the winner gets "bling" and everything.  Speaking of....the Juniors and Seniors are sporting a Championship ring from last year, meaning they are defending their title this year.

I have both a football player and a Pepstepper.  The facts are these.  Sydney started dance at age 3.  Competing at age 6/7, and has been a member of the school dance team since the 8th grade.  These girls work harder than you can ever imagine.  There is no "off season".  They have 8-hour practices throughout the summer.  They prepare for camp, then football, then basketball, then back around to tryout season.  All the while attending competitions.  Their duties include pep ralleys, support for the various Panther teams, all while trying to perfect their routines.  (Band and Cheer have the same rigorous schedules...I just happen to know of dance firsthand.)  The financial, emotional, and physical demands to be a successful member of this squad is unbelievable.

Don't misunderstand, My football Panther works his hiney off.  But he has one focus.  One job.  One goal. My Pepstepper?  Has daily practices after school, has to prepare for her football buddy, make posters, decorate this and that, go to the game to cheer, perform at halftime, and THEN gets to focus on her role in the performance for competitions.  See my point?  Some of these girls are even cut from dances due to injury or other factors which may deem them not prepared to compete.  Still, they are there....day after day...learning the dances, perfecting the dances...."just in case."

Yes, that is the purpose.  Yes, that is part of it.  I'm not arguing that fact.  What weighs my heart down, is WHO is supporting them?  WHO will cheer THEM to victory?  For you see, they have been winners for quite some time.  The band is top notch, Cheer has a history of NATIONAL championships, and until Saturday, this team is deemed best in the state. Benton Panther spirit groups are among the best....the elite.  They are awesome.

Sydney came home the last couple of weeks telling me how upset some of the girls were because other students....some football players....had been saying, for lack of better words....that "Pepsteppers Suck"....hmmmm. Really?  Yes, they did receive 2nd place in a category or 2 over the past few competitions leading up to state....but 2nd place FAR from makes them losers.  It afforded them the opportunity to work hard and perfect.  Something they no doubt plan to do on Saturday.  

Her dance coach is a Godly woman, who first prays relentlessly for these girls...on and off the field.  She offers them the tools to be the best.  She takes time from her own family to work with them and has them prepared to be the very best that they can be. She loses sleep in worry and frets as if it were her own children.  Because they are.  God has blessed our town, our school, and personally, my life and that of my kids for placing such wonderful leaders to guide them.

Yep, I'm a bit partial.  But people just don't understand just how hard our spirit teams work.  And how thin they are spread.  Pray for them friends.  These are a talented group of girls who exhibit Panther pride no matter how the football team is doing.  It's quite easy during this dream season, of course. :)  But they are also there when the chips were down.  Its time for our "FAMILY" to stand tall for them, too.

As a mom, I have the opportunity to save my pennies for not one...but TWO....state championship rings this year.  Blessed, I am.

No one player is more important than the team. It takes commitment, sacrifice, and a relentless pursuit of excellence from every single person in the locker room-from the managers to the players to the head coach, from the athletic trainers to the quarterback. From the captain, to the first year sophomore, to the managers. From the Pepsteppers...to the Band....to the Cheerleaders....to the Fans. We are Family.

The same is true for those who are followers of Christ Jesus. No individual believer is more important than the rest of the "team." We are part of a team that has been built on the shoulders of great men and women who sacrificed their very lives for the sake of the gospel-that Jesus indeed rose from the dead. The disciples were beheaded, stoned to death, and crucified for their faith. The body of Christ is most effective and influential when we are pulling in the same direction and more concerned with God's glory rather than our own.

This, my friends....is the Benton Panthers.
Pine Bluff...Alma...Jacksonville....  These are about to be the sites of something special.  My prayer is for standing room only, wearing maroon and gray....to witness it.  Sure do wish I could take my cowbell.  :)

Go Panthers.

"Now may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you agreement with one another, according to Christ Jesus, so that you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ with a united mind and voice." - Romans 15:5-6


Blessings In Him,
Terri