Hi Friends! What a week. Round 3 down! Yay! I've only gotta get the devil...."the red devil" that is..... in me one more time!!!! That alone has done wonders for my spirits. I've heard this a million times in my life, and even said it a few....but "this is a marathon, not a sprint".....however, I cherish the small victories along the way.
I feel the need for a special "caviat" for my blogs. Chemo Brain. Google it. It's real. Short term memory loss. And its driving me crazy. I find myself writing absolutely EVERYTHING down to keep from forgetting. I honestly can't remember anything anymore. SO...that said, if I repeat something I've said in previous posts. I am sorry. I usually don't go back and read them...I just write. You get what's on my mind today. At this moment. It is what it is. :)
To catch my OWN self up....here we go. Had my chemo last Friday 7/13. My counts were not only "high enough" they were higher than NORMAL! 8-point-something (It was a week ago and I'm too lazy to go pull my lab report....See? chemo brain). Still.....It only has to be 1.9 to take a treatment. And remember Monday 7/9/2012, they were 0.06. After Round 1, during same time frame -- they went from 0.50 at their lowest to 4.something. Which was awesome. But 8???? Ok, I'll give the Neupogen shots a little bit of credit. But for counts so low, I was placed on an antibiotic, not to mention I felt like "dog poo on a shoe".....to climb that high, I'm gonna give thanks where due. To our Lord!! See what prayer can do?????? Not only was I "able to take treatment"....I was a "ROCK STAR!" ....insert cheesy little dance here! :)
Anyway, third treatment went as expected. Felt horr...i...ble. In bed...again...for approximately 5 days. This time...I just gave into it. Took meds. Slept. Tweaked the meds for side effects that I had planned to. I didn't fight it. I just let it run its course....and here we are. Thursday evening....feeling pretty darn close to normal. :) God is good....all the time. And all the time....God is good!
My Sydney was at her first year of Dance Camp this week at UCA as a member of the BJH Dance Team. I am so extremely proud of her. Its brutal on those girls! I was able to make the trip, yesterday and today to watch her perform. Thanks to my sweet friends, Lucretia and Kim for letting us ride to Conway. I so enjoyed our visits. I was still feeling crummy....and know I wasn't much company....But pushed through and was happy for my time with them....and to see my babygirl! Syd received all "blue" ribbons on her individual evaluations, and the whole team represented their school as the class acts that they are. They performed beautifully and brought home lotsa awards!
I can't believe my baby is old enough for all of this! I am so cherishing every moment! :)
Tonight, I'm reminded of my sweet mother. Tomorrow mark's the 11th anniversary of her getting her "Angel Wings". Gosh. 11 years. I miss her so much...and remember that day as vividly as it was yesterday. Usually, every year on this day, of course, I am heavy-hearted, weepy, and even angry that Jay and I, and our children, were robbed of such a wonderful person. I've questioned God over and over AND over. I feel differently this year. I have learned a lot about my mother in the past few months, and how she must have felt during her fight. Not only that, but how her life really was, underneath the shelter she provided to hide it from us.
I know now, not to question His plan. It is flawless. I believe He saved her from her struggles here on earth. As I go through some of the same medical struggles....the cancer, the chemo....and all that entails...I have better understanding of what she experienced in that respect. But much deeper. My mother deserved heaven. My mother deserved to be in a place of "no sorrow....no tears." She touched countless while she was here. She taught my brother and I everything she knew. Her work here was physically done. And it will go on in those she loved.....forever.
The children and I continually see blessings each day throughout this struggle. For we know His plan for us isn't flawless either. This says it all.....
"Steady My Heart"
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart [x2]
Please don't forget -- Save the Date for Team Terri! :) Go ahead! Sign up! :)
http://arkansas.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/LIT_ArkansasAffiliate?team_id=219501&pg=team&fr_id=2568
In loving memory....of my mother always.
In Him,
Terri
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