How I got to "HERE"....

Here we go :)  :
Hi friends!  After much thought, I have decided to "blog" my journey on this quest to fight breast cancer.  I don't claim to be a beautiful writer....and not a soul may read this except for myself.....but my goal is that once the kiddos are settled in, I can turn off my phone, log off facebook, and escape the television in hopes placing my thoughts into words. 

This will enable me to sort through these "never before felt" feelings I am experiencing, help me to remember "today" weeks from now, when I may have forgotten. You might find yourself reading about what doctors say, or if my son did something cool on the baseball field.  Or you might find out how Syd and I spent a girls day.  Or about a quiet evening with my precious David.  Who knows?  But I would like to keep track of my "medical journey" (so that I can pass along the correct information....from me.) as well as my "spiritual journey"....And remind me specifically how God has worked in my life....Today.

If I do have a reader or 2 out there....I ask only two things:  Forgive me in advance for rambling....I tend to do that.  And promise at the end of every post:  PLEASE pray for me and my children.

About me:
I am a 41 year old single mother of 2....Sam, age 15, and Sydney Clare, age 13.  Last week...I earned a new title.....I have Breast Cancer.  I made the decision immediately not to let it define me.  I want to be the "Momma who BEAT Breast Cancer." 

"On paper," it may appear that the odds are definately against me.  I have a strong family history.  My great-grandmother, my grandmother, and my mother all had this monster.  It took my mother to heaven at age 49, almost 11 years ago, and much too soon.  Next to something happening to one of my children, breast cancer has been one of my worst fears for years.  And here I am....facing it head on.

Off to the Doc:
A short time ago, I found a "something" in my left breast.  It was VERY tender.  I immediately went into panic mode, for obvious reasons.  I contacted my nurse friends....and went to "googling" like crazy....worrying.  You see?  Single moms rarely go to the doctor.  I even drug my poor friend Deb to the restroom at a ballpark for her to "feel my boob"!  :)  Most of the signs were pointing to the fact that since it "hurt" I was probably JUST fine.

I made an appointment with a "female" doc, that Deb worked for for many years.....she knew and trusted him completely.  I entered Dr. Harrison's office shortly after lunch on 4/23/2012.  Accompanied by Deb and another dear friend, Angela.  After admiring a couple of chairs in the waiting room that would look really nice in my den.....hehehehe.....we were called in.  Normal physical exam....nothing alarming.  He, too, felt the lump of concern and noted that since it "hurt" and appeared to be mobile, that it was way too early to worry.  He would get me scheduled for a Diagnostic Mammogram immediately.  By immediately, (Thanks to Deb and her magic!) I mean within minutes, I was downstairs and wiping off my deodorant!  :)  Dr. Harrison informed me that the radiologist would give me results on the spot!  Yay!  (I was hungry!)

The tech was very sweet.....kinda chatty....and I was in good spirits throughout the test.  She took her pics and sent me to the waiting area, to wait on the radiologists to read them.  She came in to tell me that they had decided to do an ultrasound of that "concerned area"....to get a better look.  I knew that would be a possibility so I wasn't alarmed. 

Throughout the ultrasound, you could have heard a pin drop.  I think my blood pressure climbed through the roof in that few minutes.  All the pink around me made me feel my mother's presence (weird I know) so I didn't panic.  After the test, the tech told me to get dressed and "the radiologist would be in in a minute."  Ang and Deb were in the waiting room......they texted me to let me know that they were heading back to Benton because it was nearing time to pick up kiddos from school.  I told them to go on....I'd call as soon as I talked to the Radiologist.  Immediately, the tech came in and told me that I could just go back up to Dr. Harrison's office so that HE could discuss the results with me.

I texted that to the girls.....and began gathering my things.  When I walked out into the waiting room, and found them still sitting there.....I knew I was about to hear some news that we weren't hoping for.  News that would change my world.....and fast.

"You have Breast Cancer":
We were taken right in.....and as long as I live, I will never forget the words, "I have nothing good to tell ya....You have breast cancer."  In all honesty, I remember little that was said after that.  Was so grateful for friends there.....who immediately began holding me up....contacting prayer warriors before I even got a chance to stand up. 

Dr. Harrison began getting his staff on the ball getting me set up with a Breast surgeon.  The one he was sending me had an appointment for May 1, which would have been a week later.  My "Magic Deb" (aka God working) got me in to see Dr. Hagans the next morning at 8:15 am.  I beat my records there!  :)  This man and his staff are fabulous, and not just because Deb walked in with Krispy Kremes.  He is first and foremost a Godly man, who has prayed with me and for me.  After the consultation, we were scheduled for a Lumpectomy that following Friday.  He was to be out of town "next week" so we were a little concerned I'd have no news until he got back.  But we took it.

Later that same afternoon, we learned of a cancellation and my surgery was going to be the very next morning!  (Wed)  Another divine intervention of sorts!  I've learned that RARELY happens!  :)  Long story (sorry!) short, surgery went fine.....notified on Thursday that the pathology report confirmed it was malignant.  Dr. Hagans immediately scheduled me for Bone scan, CT Scan, and some extensive blood work....the next day.  I would be at his office Friday afternoon to get a "game plan"....."BEFORE he left town".....:)  See the pattern?????

"The Game Plan":
Friday morning, 4/27/2012....the fun and games began again!  Checked in, got my IV, drank the "stuff", was injected with dye (that literally makes you FEEL like you are wetting your pants.....I made the girl PROMISE me I really hadn't), and had all the ordered tests.  After lunch, me and my "posse" (David, Ang and Deb) barged back up to Dr. Hagans office to "get this ball rollin"!  After a quick check of my incission, we all sat in his office together to have "the talk." 

The cancer is "Stage 3".....Infiltrating Ductile Cancer.  I really don't know what that means other than its a very aggressive and invasive form.  My margins appeared to be clean....good news.  But when I asked if that meant it was "contained?" he answered....no....I would say it was "localized."  At this point we have not tested lymph nodes.  I had some options....but given my history, I elected to have a double masectomy with reconstruction to follow at a later date.  I just don't want to mess with this stuff.  They will test my lymph nodes at that time.  Surgery is scheduled for next Wed. May 9.

Something interesting he said, that I'll pass along.  He did say that once you can "feel" a lump in your breast, most of the time it has probably been there a year.  Wow!!  Mine was between 3 and 4 cm.  About the size of a golf ball!  And was terribly painful.  Our best guess is because my recent weight loss (I had been dieting for about 7 months), I was able to only feel it after losing significant weight in that area.  Which I had.  Another thankful blessing.....I decided to drop the weight.

I also decided that day to have the BRAC genetic testing to see if I am a carrier of the breast cancer gene.  This will aid in future decisions for my body....and for that of my Sydney Clare.

I will be referred to an Oncologist after my surgery next week.  Dr. Hagans feels certain I will have some chemo due to my history and the size and type of cancer I have.  If it is in the lymph nodes.....100% sure I will. 

"My Village"
I had to get all the medical junk out of the way and up to date first.  But there is much more to say about what we have experienced as a family even in such a short time.  I am simply overwhelmed how people have already helped us in the last few short but LONG days.  How so many are answering God's call to help me before I even know my needs.  I plan to write about that tomorrow due to the length of this post....(if you are reading....Im sure you are asleep by now! ha!) and the lateness of the hour. But stay tuned.....I can't wait to post about all the kind things friends, acquaintences, and even strangers have done for us.  I am simply without words!  The support system we have is deep....and wide.  This cancer doesn't know MY God!!!  Phil 4:13 On the road....to Pink!  :)

Remember your promise to pray......All my love in Him,
Terri