Some pretty significant things have happened....Good and not so good. Today? I feel pretty darned good and can see the light at the end of this tunnel.....Let's just hope it's not a TRAIN! ha!
Let's see, in a nutshell....I have:
- Buried my grandfather...
- Started the new chemo...
- Watched my daughter as a BJH Dancer on the field for the first time...
- Watched my son play his first high school...."sort of a game"....
- Spent time with family...
- Spent time with friends...
- Registered and will send my Syd to Junior High tomorrow...
- Registered and will send my Sam to High School tomorrow...
- Witnessed my Sam pass his driver's test...
- Been pretty darn sick.....
- And felt pretty darn incredible....
Lots of ups and downs lately, but still so incredibly blessed and today...this minute....Satan has NOT won on the many times he has tried testing my faith. Yep, I'm not perfect....and he got a lead on me a time or two. But My God is bigger.....so back off dude! :)
"See ya Later" Papaw...
Funny how He can send blessings in the midst of any storm. I was reminded of that last weekend. After taking chemo, we rushed to West Helena to make it to my Papaw's visitation. Made it in the knick of time.....Actually, a few minutes late, but they held the doors open for us. Was met with hugs and love from all of my family who share my love for this man. Words just can't describe the hole in our hearts......
My brother had to head back that evening for work, but let his children, my neice and nephew stay with us at my Mamaw's house. Aunt Terri got to spoil them! :) So enjoyed these sweet kiddos!
Saturday, we were fed a family meal by the ladies of WHUMC.....Ya know, the Methodists believe that it is in the Bible somewhere...."Wherever two or more are gathered, there shall be potluck." :) That said, one of the most delicious meals I've ever had. Hated the cicumstances, but so loved spending time with my loved ones.
The funeral service was absolutely beautiful. Standing room only.....Flowers everywhere.....My brother's message......my sister-in-law's song......There is no doubt in my mind that my Papaw was smiling in heaven at such a loving tribute to him. In the midst of our heartbreak, we were together as a family.....and all of his beloved friends.....in the place he loved most. We were reminded that "Christians NEVER say goodbye....only see ya later...."
The New Stuff:
Well I got the new chemo. In many ways, it was much easier on me than predicted. I guess silly me expected to "feel nothing"....which didn't happen of course. The good thing is....that I made it the whole weekend without the bottom falling out like it used to. Monday and Tuesday, I was taught what "bone pain" was. Ouch. This meant no sleep. At all. Some digestive issues.....and still working out the side effects. Mainly fatigue.
I was unable to work ALL week.....sigh. :( Seems like one medicine helps one thing but causes another. Then IT helps that but causes something else. Gonna meet with the Doc tomorrow. Gonna tweak some meds for sure. I take so much stuff......driving me crazy!
The good news? Only 3 more treatments. In a month, I can have my "No Mo CheMO" celebration. Can't get here soon enough I tell ya!
Friends:
I still have the best friends on THE planet. And that's all I'm gonna say about that......Small visits, dinner and laughs here and there, texts, emails, phone calls, cards and even fresh fruit on my doorstep! God has placed true angels here on earth....to carry me through this. And it is.....
This weekend!
Had a pretty darn good weekend! First of all....Look out! Sambo passed his driving test!
He has only given me a heart attack a couple of times. Gotta get that boy some practice! :)
My Aunt Tootie and Chuck came to visit and watch my kiddos Friday night. The ONLY time this year that they will be doing their "thang" on the same night at the same place. Was SOOO proud of them! Syd danced and Sam played! Both made this momma so proud! Gonna be a great....and BUSY.....season! I SOOOO hope this chemo is good to me so that they can always have their biggest FAN in the stands! :) Here's a few pics from the night!
The weather turned out pretty ok.....my kids were "stars" in momma's book......Tootie & Chuck got to see them.....and kicked off a great Panther Season! The night was a little hard on me from feeling so rotten all week. But SOOOO worth it!
Saturday, Syd, her friend, Chloe, Sam, Tootie and I, headed to LR to do a little last minute school shopping. Mainly, just a "Girls' Day" plus Sam! :) Lots of laughs and a wonderful day!
Today, said goodbye to Tootie and Chuck, after rooking her into a great big ole breakfast. Ran a couple of errands, and a dinner date with my David. Back home to snuggle in to watch "Big Brother".....no judgement! I'm a complete fan!
Not a bad weekend for sure.
In summary, I've noted all the highlights of the week.....rather, the high POINTS of my week. Truth is, I've had some equally low times. Yes, that ole Satan.....that ole Cancer.....even just my crappy ole attitude has gotten the best of me at times this week. I've been forced to apologize for words I did not mean. For not giving the proper effort in most every area of my life. I have fallen short. I have fallen on my knees before Jesus, and asked Him to carry me. I have asked my friends to pray for me. I've once again been reminded that this is a "marathon" not a "sprint." I've never felt so "not myself".....and so just down-right ugly.
Outside of something happening to one of my children, I am living out my worst fear ever. Breast Cancer. People continue to tell me how "strong" I am. How they admire me. Truth is....I'm not strong alone. I'm weak...physically, emotionally, financially.....I feel like a failure as a mother, daughter, sister, employee, and friend. My body just won't allow me to be all I WANT to be. And folks, that's tough.
In a recent visit with a friend that I've not seen in a while....she asked me..."Is this just the most horrible thing you've ever been through?" My answer? By far. It's horrible. But at the same time, I've never felt more blessed. God continues to show me Hope. Renewal. Faith. Love. and even Joy.
But as for me, I will always have hope; Psalm 71:14
I see hope everywhere. In the eyes and faces of my children, in David, in my medical team, in my family, and in my friends. Sometimes....I even catch a glimpse of "hope" when I look in the mirror.
Don't forget!
Race for the Cure....Team Terri! Walk with me for my momma! OR for your hero!
In HIM!
Terri
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