Story Behind MY Ribbon....

Another night of insomnia!  So I find myself here again.  Imagine that!  :)  Watched my Sammy play a lot of baseball the last few days.  11 games in a 5 day span.  Lots of baseball. Which allowed me lots of needed catchup time with my baseball friends.  I've missed them!

Tonight, Sam played and during his second game, I worked the concession stand.  Muggy and hot.....uggggg.  Gotta love this Arkansas weather!  While I was a sweaty mess, I enjoyed visiting with some friends.  We got to reminiscing over the last year....talked about our vacations.....the team....just good ole girl talks!  One of them hugged me....and said...."Boy hard to believe all you have been through this year."  How true.  As I come upon my 9 month checkup after chemo....I find myself thinking about it more often than not.  Which is normal I guess. 

So it got me to digging through pictures......and thought I'd post a "pictoral recap" of my journey.  I remember each one as if it were yesterday.  So many fought the fight with me.  There is a true story behind every ribbon......And here are a bunch of favorites!  :)



March 2012 - Spring Break Cruise -- Yep, Ladies....He is mine!  1 month BC!  (Before Cancer)

 



March, 2012 -- My every breath.  Sam, Sydney Clare and I.  1 month BC.

March, 2012 Spring Break Cruise -- Cozymel, 1 month BC.

 March, 2012 - Spring break cruise -- Formal  Pic - 1 month BC

Easter - 4-8-2012 -- 15 days BC

 

 

 5-3-2012 Family Pic Session by Tia Wind -- Last ones with Boobies and Hair!

Another Fundraiser.  I am so blessed with my baseball family!  <3

5-6-2012  The kiddos, David and friends before the band started at our Just Sayin' Benefit at Gino's!

 

 

I love you JC!  <3

 

 

 

 

5-8-2012 My Sweet friends took me to dinner the day before my surgery and had designed a special Tshirt for the occasion!  "Real Women Don't Need a Second Base"  Love these girls! <3

 

5-11-2012  Rebecca and the girls had these bracelets made for family and friends showing their support for me!  Here they are at 312!

 

6-11-2012  My Sam put his on immediately........

 

One of MANY pics I received from friends all over showing their support!

 

 6-15-2013 -- Sam still wearing his a year later!  <3

 

 

Just one of the MANY flower bouquets I received. These were grown by my sweet friend Karen!  <3

Little Emme baked me a Ribbon Cake....We had so many meals and yummy desserts.  I blame my friends for the 30 lbs I've gained!  :)

 

 

Still found time to be a Panther Mom!  <3

 

6-10-2012  Kiddos and I participated in the Cardboard Testimony at church.  Very honored to be a part of this. (My cardboards still hang proudly in my den!)

 

 

6-14-2012  Girls took me to dinner before my first treatment!  Laughs were Doctor Ordered!  <3

6-15-2012  Tweegram from Sambo.  I love this child!  <3

 

 

6-15-2012  My precious Deb with me at my first treatment.  We even shared fun at chemo!  Love her!

 

 

The "Red Devil" aka "The Blood of Jesus".  This was my cocktail at this "Chemo Bar".  Hangover was horrible!  :)

 

 

6-27-2012  Becca and Deb took me to dinner to cheer me up.  I began losing my hair today.  :((

 

 

6-28-2012 -- Shaved my head!  First bald pic! 

 

6-28-2012 Correction!  WE shaved OUR heads!  God gave me David....

Very emotional day.  I never realized how "sick" I looked.  bleh....

 

 

6-28-2012  Treatment 2....Shane was my chemo buddy today!  Love her!  <3

Sonya crashed every treatment! So grateful for her company. We had fun at our chemo parties!  :) 
 

Chemo Nurses / Angels / Friends -- Carolyn and Linda  <3

6-28-2012  See these girls?  They DRUUGGGGG me kickin and screamin to the premier of "Magic Mike"!  :)

 

6-29-2012 -- A little hat shoppin before the meds hit.  Deb dawned her "doo rag" in my honor.  Precious friend!  <3 

7-13-2012  Lunch date with kiddos before 3rd treatment! 

 

 

Dance Camp 2012!!

 

7-27-2012  Sonya was my Chemo Buddy again!  Love love love her.  <3

What in the HECK was I wearin????   lol

 

 

 

She always came bearing "chocolate".....Can't have chemo without it! 

 

  

7-21-2012 -- Newport visited Bryant and I came to cheer!  Few of my Class of 89 Buds!  Love these girls!

 

Laughter truly IS the best meds.....more girl time.  They made SURE I didn't stay home feeling sorry for myself!  :)

 

When momma was in bed....they piled up with me.  Here is one of them acting silly! 

 

Snuggle Time.....:)

 

Lots of ugly days....:(

 

My fur babies took care of me too!  Lots of joy from these three crazies!  I really needed a king size bed!  haha

 

 

 

8-10-2012  The day before my 5th treatment I lost my Papaw.  This is an old picture.  But I didn't get a pic of me at chemo that day.  Sad one....:(

 

8-11-2012  My niece Hannah and I right before Papaw's funeral.  This was my first treatment of the Taxol.  I was thrilled that I didn't feel too bad yet! 

 

8-14-2012  More Laughs with the gang.  These crazies kept me sooooo sane!  <3

 

8-17-2012 -- School Orientations -- Sam's Sophomore Year.  Sydney's 8th grade year!

 

 

8-17-2012  Maroon/Grey Game.  Syd first time to dance.  Sam first time on High School team.  Big day!  And hotter than blue blazes!!

 

8-20-2013 -- Kiddos first day of school.

 

8-24-2012 -- Chemo Buddy Karen!  Love my sweet friend!  <3

Wig Fun w/Josh......:)

 

9-5-2012 -- Text from this sweet child.....this is the good stuff!!

 

9-7-2012 -- 7th treatment with my Sonya.  (Supportin my Panthers -- Game day!)

More Chemo Chocolate!

 

9-8-2012  Tailgate'n w/Deb!  <3

 

My precious sweet Annie!  Precious child.....

 

Woo Pig Sooiieeee!  Go Hogs! 

A couple of Besties!  <3

 

Me and my D!  WPS!

 

Sammy and Madison....great kiddos!

David's gift -- remind me to "believe"!  <3

 

9-21-2012 "NO MO CHEMO" Party! 

 

Yes...I'm aware this pic is sideways.  Hard to format from my ipad!  This....is my ugly cry as the gang surprised me on my last treatment.

 

It was a party!

 

 

One of TWO cakes!  :)

 

I was the queen that day!  :)

 

My fridge message from Syd!  <3

Mastermind behind the party!  I love her so very much.

 

Graduation Day!  I rang the bell!  <3

 

I put on my boobs to call the hogs!  hehe  Another graduation celebration!

 

Dinner fun! 

More wig fun!  That is a LOTTTT of pink!  :)

 

Jack?  with hair????  heheh

 

See the resemblance?   lol

 

Love this lady!  Great nurse....better friend! 

 

Couple of great things that Cancer brought into my life right here!  <3

My Clinic BF!  :)

My precious Shane.  God placed her in my life for a big ole reason!

MORE Wig fun!  :)

Dr. Sneed.  "We're gonna be friends a LONG time."  :)

Salt Bowl Fun!  Love these ladies!

 

10-4-2012  Got the call!  Cancer Free!  Remission starts now!  <3

Couple of reminders on my computer from my Syd.  We were celebratin'!  <3

 

Thanks to the efforts of a precious friend...Panthers wore Pink socks in October for Breast Cancer Awareness.  Very touched.

 

I'm a Survivor! 

Team Terri Rocked!

 

 

Was blessed to be honored by another team!  Cool!

 

Invite to the wonderful Pre-Race Party.  I am so grateful to these ladies!

My friend and sister, Jana.  She worked so hard on making "Team Terri" a reality.  The race, the party, our team....everything.  Love you Jana! <3

  

Chi-O's at my Team Terri Party -- Race for the Cure "Eve"

 

Benton Buddies!  <3

 

Ang and Debra!  <3

 

 



We are the Chi Omegas and ya better beware......:)

 

 



Fat Bottomed Girls Cup Cakes.  Sinful!

 

Newport Friends!  Love these girls!!!!

Sweet girlies...

 

Another with my Newport friends!  Love them so very much!

 

Real Men wear Pink!  Go Jon!

So many goodies!  Simply Beautiful!

New friends...

 

RACE DAY!

Who IIIII ran for!  <3

Chi-O!

Leah, Hannah and Jacob.  So happy they were a part of my team!

 

My beautiful survivor friend!!!

 

With Shane Broadway and Gov. Beebe!  Friends in high places! :)

Jon & Holly!

Race is Serious Bidness....

My mom's very best friend!  I love Judy and was so happy to see her!

 

Love Kimmie and Susan!

I got to see Lonna and NOT on a baseball field!  <3

My heart....My love!  <3

Traci and Lori....precious friends.

More sister love....Marsha and Jana

I got nothin.....lol

 

 

Sweet kiddos!

Shane, Sonya and kiddos.  Of COURSE, they were there!  My "heart"!

Man....I look like I was hosed down in Pepto Bismal!  <3  Lot of pink! :)

 

 

 

Team Terri.  This was our best effort at a group pic.  And this wasn't even everyone!  Blessed....

Back of Shirt....

Front of shirt.  Thank you Jana....

 

One of my trinkets from the day!  :)

 

Love my Sambo....

 

10-21-2012  Sam's Birthday at Casting Crowns.

Tia blessed us with Fall pics...

 



 

 

 

 

 

Toboggan Fun....Thanks to my Aunt Tootie for multiples!!<3

Puppies and Christmas!

1-27-2013  Hair is growing.  (No that is NOT gray!  hehe)

 

 

Jackson County Relay for Life.  I was next to my momma!  <3

 

First time to go without a hat.  Church.

 

 

 

 

Junior Auxiliary Benefit.  So blessed to attend and be a part of this evening with those who have helped us so much!  <3

 

FINALLY got a new-to-me vehicle!  The lemon is dead!

 

 

March 10, 2013  My Baptism

 

 

2/2013  Panther Baseball Family Day!

 

 

I love my Hannah!  <3

 

One of my FAVORITE Gifts!  Sweet Shelley....<3

 

David and Billy Idol at Dinner!  ha

5-2013  Mudding Fun! 

Yes, We had cold baseball in May!  <3

"I can only Imagine" -- My sweet Hannah before her recital!  Aunt Terri was so proud!

 

Chemo has my body temps forever messed up!  In my office sits a fan AND a heater!  Both are used daily!

 

Honored to be a part of my Gina's big day!  <3  I so love these girls!

 

More hat fun!  <3

Love this pic. 

Back porch time with the unibomber!  :)  Love my little brother!

Beach bum.....post Cancer.

 

And a few more vacation pics.....

 

 

 

 

He needs to frame this!!!   I love this pic of my brother!

My sweet man....

 

<3

Love the pic AND the sunset.  Thank you God for my brother!

 

 

This is worth the fight!!!!

 

 

This is my progression.  I've changed much more on the inside than out!  <3

Every Ribbon Has a Story....

 

 

It has taken me several days, combing through pictures.  One thing never changes....the love of my children, my place as a mom, my lasting friendships, my love of and for David, my family, my church and most of all my GOD....never left my side.  Cancer changed me.  But through God, it didn't define me.  It brought far more goodness to me than I even remembered. It also made me realize the goodness and blessings I already had. 

 

While the effects of my illness are still very real and lasting, I am equipped with faith and a newfound relationship with my Lord and Savior.  I have a village to hold me up when I am broken.  I have two of the best kids EVER.  I have a best friend in David and also in my brother, Jay.  Two men that I can count on always.  I have precious friends who are so dear to me....many faces you see on here....and many aren't.  I am blessed.  Even through cancer.....the world needs to see ya smile!  <3

 

In Him,

Terri

 

 

 

 

 

Because....

Laying awake tonight.  Fell asleep early and this is my price.  Wide awake at 3 am!  :)  So I'll write.  If nothing else, maybe it will help someone else to fall asleep!  haha 

I've found myself still in unfamiliar territory of "life after cancer."  Or rather, "life after chemo."  The readjustment back to normal life.  The thing is....life "before" is gone.  The cancer....while in remission.....isn't physically present....But this cancer changed my life.  As much as I can dance around it.....as much as I can talk myself into "being ok".....Some days?  I'm just not.  Some days....I can go all day without really talking or thinking about my cancer.  I take that back.....Its my new normal, when I look in the mirror of course.   My body looks like a road map traveled by "Edward Scissorhands."  Topped with Billy Idol hair and all my "hail damage", I am a sight! 

Most days?  I have this ever present joy and happiness around me that I appreciate.  God has...in many ways....attacked me with joy.  So much so, that I really wouldn't change much about the last couple of years.  My scars remind me where I've been. 

Some days though.  Its lonely.  Friends I used to talk to daily, are busy with their lives.  Family that were there, are miles away.  The feeling of comfort and care of others has dissipated like the cancer.  Almost as if the chemo killed it too.  Not that I miss the "attention"...which is what is looks like I'm whining about.  Back then? I felt so crummy that sometimes I wanted to run and hide.   I've learned that people who fight an illness need others....and the love, care and concern from others long after their battle.  The emotional part of the fight starts long after the physical one.

I'm tired.  When I'm tired....I write in bullet points.  So here is what I have to say to the darn cancer.....:)

Because of you, I'm scared for my children.

Because of  you, my faith was shaken, pretty much to the core.

Because of you, only a few understand me.

Because of you, I'm ALWAYS tired.

Because of you, I'm lonely. 

Because of you, I'm ugly.  You took my womanhood.

Because of you, I feel I can't do anything right.

Because of you, I forget a lot of things.

Because of you, I am fat.

Because of you, I make silly mistakes.

Because of you, I feel depressed.

Because of you, I'm moody.

Because of you, I don't sleep well at night.

Because of you, I drop things and stumble more than I used to.

Because of you, I'm angry.

Because of you, I can't enjoy many things I used to.

Because of you, I can't relax.

Because of you, I question myself every day. 

Because of you, I feel I have to prove myself to others.

Because of you, I'm scared of judgment.

Because of you, I worry all the time.

Because of you, I'm uncertain about my tomorrow.

Because of you, many important relationships changed.

Because of you, I am grumpy.

Because of you, I was robbed of valuable memories of and with my children.

Because of you, I'm financially impaired.

Because of you, I have a blob of metal in my chest, that is "BETTER" than getting stuck in my "good arm".

Because of you, I have to have scans every 3 months. TERRIFYING scans.

Because of you, I have lost a part of me.

HOWEVER.....Here is the best part!

Because of you, My faith has GROWN for my LORD.

Because of you, I have re-prioritized my LIFE and am saved by GRACE.

Because of you, I've learned who LOVES me.

Because of you, I reach out to others, no matter MY feelings for them.

Because of you, silly things no longer matter.

Because of you, I am STRONGER.

Because of you, I know my limitations.

Because of you, I've received more FRIENDS.

Because of you, I receive more PRAYERS.

Because of you, I FORGIVE quicker.

Because of you, I appreciate my BLESSINGS.

Because of you, I am THANKFUL.

Because of you, I am not afraid to PRAISE.

Because of you, I choose JOY.

Because of you, I've learned who I AM.

Because of you, I've FOUND me.

Because of you, I'm fighting for a CURE.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity....and laughs without fear for the future." Proverbs 31:25

 I recite this daily.  And hope to someday believe it. 

We've come a long way, baby!  :)

In Him,

Terri

Momma Challenge

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." 
Proverbs 22:6

Funny how our good Lord has SUCH the sense of humor!  :)   After my recent post....about the "fun part" of raising teens, told to me by many as one of their favorites....

Link is here: 
 http://terricoxbaker.blogspot.com/2013/05/20-things-im-not-supposed-to-say.html

......I've been sucker punched in the throat (lovingly of course!  hehe) by seeing the above mentioned verse SO many times.  Sounds easy enough.....raise them right and they won't stray.  Right?  wrong.  Also after the post, I've taken a little heat for it.....as I knew I would.... from the little darlings that inspired it.  lol  I embarrass them so.  Our new banter is ....."Ya better do what she says or she'll BLOG about it....."  hehe.  Yep.  Every silly thing that happens, they tease that I'll write about it....or post about it.  Yep.  I'm the mom.  I'm the boss of me.....and you.  :)  I keep promising that they will cherish it one day when I'm gone.....one day when they have these creatures called "teens" of their own.  But right now? They are completely mortified and that makes it so much fun!  :)

We all see the little "30 day challenges"....photo challenges, food challenges, exercise challenges, etc etc., that appear on facebook and instagram.  For the most part, as I've pointed out so many times, these things get on my last nerve.  They muddy up my newsfeed and I usually scroll right past them,  but there are rare moments that these "unoriginal things" catch my eye.  This one is the "30-day mom challenge."  I'm sure I'm like every mom out there and can use all the help we can get, right???  Especially, when I am their only disciplinarian and they are in the God-forsaken teen years. 

Sidenote:  I've recently learned that the majority of my readers don't even know me.  I have some from as far away as Russia, Japan, France, Australia.  Cool huh?  So with that said, I feel that I must first say that even though I make my kids (according to them) sound like little one-eyed monsters who defy the very essence of the human race.....they really ARE super kids.  God blessed me with two of the most well-behaved, respectable, sweet-spirited, God-loving children on the planet.  I know this. But.....they are kids.  And those normal teen moments rear their ugly heads from time to time.  And it makes for some good writing.  :)  I feel the need to introduce or RE-introduce the two blessings that call me "mom." 

My Sam....sweet 16.  Plays high school baseball, high school football, plugged in to FBC youth, Sunday School, and Choir, and works part time for Old Navy.  A self-proclaimed "momma's boy" and is pretty proud of it.  Wonderful grades, obeys my rules, has his first vehicle and is "in love" with a sweet girl who is not yet old enough to "date." He is mellow and little effects him.  Very even keel. I don't believe I've ever spanked him.  Ever.  My biggest issue with him?  The darn cell phone.  I see more of the top of his head than anything.  And when it dug into our family time, it now carries with it some pretty strict boundaries.  Is he perfect?  No.  He is the type of kid that it is very, very difficult to get angry with.  His "I love you moms" are plentiful and often.  He doesn't run the streets, or drink, or get into trouble.  He is a little naïve....and almost "dingy" at times.  We share alot of laughs at his expense.  :)  Yes, he does have Satan pulling at him.  This is the type of child that Satan will target.....because there is nothing scarier to the old devil than a kid with a love for the Lord at such a young age.....that is living it.  We are working to prevent that.  Diligently.  Please pray for my Sam.  He is having some pretty strong "growing pains."

And there is my Sydney Clare.  Age 14.  With the same personality as her momma.  Strong-willed, no filter, emotions are always to the extreme....one way or another.  Has a passion for everything she does.  A perfectionist, almost to a fault. And a heart as good as gold. She has danced competitively since shortly after learning to walk.  And is in her second her on the school dance team.  She too, is involved with everything the church has to offer for her age.  She has a love for children.  She is the first to spend a summer day volunteering at a home for un-wed moms, or a daycare, than asking to go to the pool.  She is my best friend.  AND....the person that I butt heads with the most.  I have created a monster by always giving in to her drama moments.  And I'm trying to reverse that.  :)  Typical teenage daughter who thinks mom is the most uncool creature on the planet.....until she wants to borrow my clothes. :)  I love my Syd.  She was the best caretaker ever while I was going through chemo.  After my surgery, she helped me with my drains, take baths, get dressed, and with the household duties.  She administered my medicines, even sent my refills to the pharmacy.  She grew up a lot in those months.

Both of my children know the value of a dollar.  They understand having to wait until payday for this or that.  Or the fact that even after payday, we are still broke and can't do this or that.  We are a team.  They have had to endure much more than most teens, their age....and still manage to thrive.  I realize as a mom how blessed I am and that I am the lucky one.  I watch them in awe.  And I hurt for them and with them through growing up in this world.  Together, we share a lot.  Every evening, we pile into my bed and  watch TV.  We giggle at silly "inside jokes" and we are just plain dorks.  I love this life with them.  Even when they grumble because I make them mow the lawn, do the dishes, or vacuum the floor.  Even if I could hand them the world with a silver spoon, I don't think I would.  For they are learning to be "good folks."  They know the Lord, they love the Lord, and they have a genuine respect for others.

Its starting to hit me that this time with them is sure slipping away.  This challenge kind of caught my eye.  I read down through the different "daily challenges" and here are my thoughts on where I can either pat myself on the back or improve...

By the way, here is your pretty "fridge copy" that you can use too! :)
http://www.imom.com/downloads/color-pdf/30_day_mom_challenege_2012_color.pdf

Ask: “What is one thing we can do together this month?”
Yay me!  We spend tons of time together.  I will, however, work on some "one on one" things.....and maybe some more "special, out of the ordinary type things."  This month, I struck gold...Family Vacay.  Check!

Go the whole day without yelling.
This one I need to work on.  I'm a screamer.  I have a precious friend one time that said she specifically wanted to move back out into the country so she could really yell at her kids and the neighbors wouldn't know.  haha   So me.  I saw somewhere where the "lean in and whisper" goes much further than an eruption.  We are loud people.  Gonna try this one.  Prayers please!  :)

Hug your child three times today.
I'm a hugger.  My kiddos are huggers.  But three times per child is kind of a lot if ya think about it.  Gonna do this one. 

Kiss your children while they are asleep.
I do this often.  Don't even think they know.

Say to yourself, “He’s only ___ years old. He’s still a child.” Then, treat him  that way.
I do this.  BUT.....Its usually in the reverse of what this is intended.  I say...."You are 14 / 16 years old.....you should be acting like it!"  Hmmmmm......I think I could use some improvement here.

Bake, make, or buy them their favorite food.
I'm not a cook.  In fact, they feel my forehead when I actually cook something besides "boxed" dinners.  Before chemo, I was better.  But we are guilty of fast food.  I blame it on our busy lives and that IS a factor.  But I'm guilty here.  Momma needs to do better.

Leave a sweet note for them.
Sweet texts don't count.  Notes it is.  I used to write notes and leave in their lunch boxes.  But......no more lunch boxes, therefore no more notes. 

Calculate how many weekends are left until your child graduates from high school.

69ish for Sam
121ish for Sydney Clare. 
I think I just threw up in my mouth....Bible.

Picture yourself at your child’s age. Remember how you felt.
I totally thought I knew it all.  Only to wish I knew what I know now.  What warms my heart the most, is that my mom was without a doubt the best person in my life and everything I wanted to be.  Not saying that is how my kiddos feel about me.....but how eye-opening to think what if they do?  I gotta shape up!  Thank ya Lord for sockin it to me!  :)

Today’s mom focus: Joy.
This one is a biggie.  I cannot imagine any parent out there that doesn't receive joy from anything greater than their kiddos.  With that joy is great risk......No greater pain than watching them hurt.  Or not being able to fix everything FOR them.  My greatest joy has been trying to change my life from doing things FOR Jesus to doing things WITH Jesus.  I recognize "joy" so much more now.  I must teach them.  I must teach them.  I must teach them.  Hard to teach things you are still learning yourself!  Prayers needed here too.

Tell your child, “I am so glad you are my son/daughter.”
Ding Ding Ding!  Another good mom moment.  They know this.

Pray for wisdom.
Among other things.....I do this more than once a day.  Let alone one time a month.  Check!

Do not criticize your child today.
I wouldn't necessarily say I am "critical" of my kids.  But I can see where in my guidance to them as a mom, that they might think I am.  Gotta work on that.  I try hard to give the "reprimand sandwich."  I learned this in college, and am shown this in my job.  Always start with a positive.....lead into the discipline......end on a loving positive note. "I love YOU.....not necessarily your behavior."   I guess there is a difference in criticism and discipline.  But I also remember not really seeing that difference as a teen.  Grateful for this reminder. 

Remember: being a mother is a gift.
Oh my goodness.  The greatest blessings EVER!!!

Be firm when needed, but not harsh.
I am quick-tempered and harsh.  Guilty.  I need a miracle of a change on this one.  Like changing "water into wine".  :(  Bad mommy moment here.

Picture your child at age 25. Mother with that end in mind today.
Gonna be real here for a moment.  I hope I'm around to see them turn 25.  Darn Cancer.  Otherwise, I can totally see them and makes my heart smile. 

Laugh with your child today.
We are so goofy.  Passing gas is an artform, no matter which end it comes from.  We totally love to open our mouths while chewing like we are 5 and giggle because its so gross.  NO....we know better than to do them in public.  And we are aware we are totally weird.  But its hilarious.   We dance.  We sing. We have so many inside jokes that I could list, but no one would understand or find funny except us. We always laugh together. Check.....Double Check!  :)

Who is a mom you admire? What quality of hers can you live out today?
My own.  I can't possibly lay out my feelings of this one is just a few lines.  I have blogged about her so many times.  Here is a link to a post about her that I wrote on her birthday last year....
http://terricoxbaker.blogspot.com/2012/05/may-27-happy-happy-birthday.html

The main thing I remember that my mom last told me, "Continue to raise your children in the company of Christian friends."  I would love to be just like her in every since of the word.  The only difference.....is I hope to beat this monster and be a survivor for many many years.  Just like she wanted to do.  I want to see my grandbabies....and great grand-babies.  Otherwise....hands down.  She is the mom I most admire. 

Teach your child one thing he can do on his own.
hehehehe.....DEAL!  This is a mother's dream!

Today’s focus: Patience.
Back to that whole "quick tempered" thing.  Goes along with Patience.  I'm getting better.  But a long ways to go. 

Forgive yourself when you mess up.
Sigh.  No greater failure than when I mom makes "mom mistakes."  I believe in this idea.  Still struggling on putting it into action. 

How do you want your child to remember you? Be that mom today.
I wanna be their hero.  I want their greatest of memories to include ME.  I want to be their best friend.  I want Sam to want to search the world over to find a woman just like me.  And I want my Sydney to strive to be like her momma.  I want them to see my love for Jesus.  And to long for a relationship with Him that continues to grow.  I want them to remember me smiling.  I want them to remember it's ok to be goofy.  Ok to laugh.  I want them to remember our gentle moments.  I hope they always remember the way I "lived and loved" and not they way I died.  I want them to remember that I was ALWAYS there for them in whatever they needed.  They can always look over their shoulder and find me there.  I also want them to want to live very close to me!  Even next door is ok!  :)

Replace sarcasm with kindness.
Ok.  I get it.  I'm a smarty-pants.  But in a loving way.  Is that ok?  :)

Do not interrupt your child when he is talking.
<hiding under bed now>  Guilty.

Ask your child’s opinion.
Actually, I do that often.  And I listen. 

Encourage your child today.
I'm feeling pretty confident that I master that as well.  I'm pretty much an obnoxious bragging mom.  Yep....one of those.....

Do one thing that is good for your health: walk 10 minutes; eat a piece of fruit; or get a good night’s sleep.
How about trying every shake that Sonic has this summer?  They are half-price after 8?  
Just kidding.  Will do.

Teach your child a new word.
Now there is a concept.  They are usually teaching ME.  "Totes Presh".....i.e, "Totally Precious".  I have taught them a love for 80's music.  I'll work on the word thing.

Turn off your phone, computer, or TV when your child is with you.
No comment.  I'm totally hanging my head in shame.  Candy Crush has the best of me.  Headed for boundaries for myself.

Today’s focus: Love.
EVERY DAY!

 

 I'm adding my own at the end....."Write a letter to your kids.....something they will treasure."  My mother wrote me a letter before she died.  I still cherish it.  I am doing this soon.  Personally, to each child.  And soon.  I may even publish those someday. 

A pretty good challenge don't ya think?  While I often fail, and am certainly not perfect, I had a wonderful example of a mother and I think I do a decent job most days.  For my two, they are my world.

But I have a dark side.  I have a sweet man in my life, who is the father of four.  Due to my previous marriage, and not the best relationship with step-children, despite how hard I tried, I've kept a wall up from being a step-parent ever again.  I was up front from the very beginning with David and my relationship with these children have been at arms length.  Don't get me wrong....I'm not mean to them.  I love them dearly.  But I've had such a phobia of getting too close.  AND for the majority of my relationship, I was fighting an illness which made me not a load of fun.  Some of these are reasons, some are excuses.

David has prayed relentlessly and God's timing has placed a conviction on me.  I've opened my door and my heart to begin a relationship.....a loving, parental relationship with these four little boys. I am going to try to make it a priority to be the best "bonus buddy" I can be to them.  They deserve all the love I know I have to give.  And this man has proven himself to be worthy of my courage to try.  This challenge....I will stand together with their father.....to not only nurture their relationship, but to also nurture ours.  It hit me, that God has most likely placed these sweet boys in my life for a reason.  And at a time when mine is growing closer and closer to leaving the nest. See?  Showing His sense of humor....FOUR?  :)  I'm working to adjust my ways to embrace this is a way to love deeper and stronger.  They have a mom.  They need a friend.  Please don't judge me....for you have not walked in my shoes.  Rather, join me in prayer as I take this big step....for us.  His plan is perfect -- right down to those in my life holding me accountable....and I'm trusting in it the best I know how.

I'll keep ya posted!  :)

In Him,
Terri

 

 

Miracle Pics!

I can't sleep tonight.   I have post-vacation blues.  I know...."woe is me"...right?   I've been on some pretty awesome trips in my day.....mostly consisting of big ole groups of friends....oftentimes around a ball tournament or a dance competition.  But this one was truly wonderful.  Can't really think of any complaints.  We were on no agenda whatsoever, with my family and with my brother's family.  This trip stood out as one of the best.  Maybe THE best.....because I realized this time not to take any second for granted.  Of course, who can have a bad time at the beach?  I can't think of any other place that can be described as God's magnificent finger-painting. But that is not what the "blues" are about.  I miss my brother, his wife Leah, and his kiddos!  We just didn't have enough time.  In the 12 years I've been in Benton, it's just been over the last year that I've thought about packing up and going back to Newport.  Just to be close to my family.  It will always be my home and what makes it home, are the love and people I have there.  So yes, Panama City Beach made me homesick.

I'm a certified lunatic. Self-diagnosed and I own it.  Several times a day, I think...."this time last week I was blah blah blah or we were doing this or that".....Ya get the picture.  I keep finding sand, even a week later....in the Tahoe, in the laundry, everywhere.  we bought a lot of "Publix" brand items while we were there......(We don't have Publix here in Arkansas)...and every time I see something I pout. Tonight, it was aluminum foil, margarine, the last of a loaf of bread, and even a new roll of toilet tissue.  Our week away....was THAT good. 

I hate pictures that show my fat-ness.  My kids and David and several close friends of mine have been taught how to take pictures from various angles, and cropping is wonderful.  So please understand the love I have for these people to post me in all of my fatness!  :)  I still believe that "fat looks better tan."   haha

While I had planned to do a vacation picture album post later....I got started reminiscing at the ones on my phone and can't wait to get most of the good ones from my camera.  Each has a story....a memory.... 

First Group shot.  See those clouds behind us?  Yep, they unloaded on us just seconds after this shot.  (One of the two "30 minute showers" we had all week.)  I love this picture!!  (And the polo outlet store loved us! )

 

 
 


Right after the Rain.....Wardrobe change......Guys were so thrilled!  Another favorite of mine!
 





First day on the beach.....Pic with my sweetie!





My brother's first time at the beach. This is one of the most precious pictures I've ever seen.

 



Sam and David made a breast cancer ribbon in memory of my mom and in honor of me early that morning.  Late in the evening, it survived the rain showers and the crowds.  Turned sideways?  It's Jesus.  Love this.

The "Pink Ribbon" .....Hope

 

Yes, I love this moment with my brother.....but looky how our Heavenly Father "photobombed" us with that sunset?????   The sky was breathtaking.  My iphone didn't do it justice.

My sweet D.....I love him.

 

Sydney Clare and Chloe.  Best friends!  Pretty girls inside and out!
 

 

Aunt Terri time!   Precious Hannah and Jacob.  Love these stinkers!  <3

Random moment at the pool when a stranger noticed our bracelets and I was able to share our journey.  Sambo proudly exclaimed that he has not removed his since the day he put in on over a year ago.  Had to take a pic.  A sweet moment.

What do ya say 'bout this?  A Bro-Mance at its best.  lol   Love these two!  <3

Back in the car again!  Mom takes a picture of EVERYTHING!  haha



Cousins at Dinner.  I instantly think how much love was coming from Mamaw Patsy in heaven at this moment. Its up to US that they know her!  <3

No, "bar-hopping" wasn't on our agenda....but as we were walking one afternoon, passed in front of "Coyote Ugly", we just HAD to get a pic!  Syd informed me...."Mom! you finally have boobs and hair!"  Funny kid.  And truth!  
 

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.  <3



My little Hannah -- was my shopping buddy and "fashionista" last week.  We didn't buy the hats.  But maybe we should have????? 



"Infinity".   Sweet friends.

My Sam.....in his "Sammy" shorts.   lol  Love this kid!



While I love this pic......The girls made it an "art" to photo bombing.  This is one of my favs!  Crazy kid!



Another Photo Bomb.....They are comics.  :)

Sam and David's Ribbon in the sand.  Sam even dug a trench to protect it from the tide!  Wonder if its still there??  Made my heart smile!

Beach fun!

Momma and Sydney Clare moment -- I love love love this child! 

They are growing up on me.  Yes, I cannot tell a lie.  I made them take this picture (then and now!).....But I don't have to make them show love to their momma.  I'm so blessed with these two!

Leah.  This girl has my brother's heart and keeps it safe.  She also has made her way into mine.  Love her!!!

Pool time with mom!  I realize how lucky I am that they are content spending time with me!!!  <3
 



If I keep on trying.....I'll get a smile.  hehehe   These crazy girls made me smile all week!  God bless Chloe!  She is a blessing to us!

Detour on the way home through Duck Commander!  "Duck Dynasty" is the modern "Brady Bunch".  A family favorite and we were so pumped to get to visit!  We didn't have any "beard" sightings.....but lots of fun just the same!

 

Sitting and chatting....where "THEY" sit and chat!  :)
 



Their Bus!



Chloe got to hop in the pic this time!  :)

The kids and I with the Robertsons! 



Kids and the rear of the bus!

Momma and Jase! 

 

Momma and Willie!
 

My favorite "Beard" still.....Momma and David!  <3  (I stole his new hat!)

 



Right before we said goodbye.  I cried like a baby.   I love these people.  Blessed to call them family.


 

I am completely blessed to have this week full of laughs, special moments, happiness, and family time.  I vow to make it a priority.  And to Him I give all the glory for this perfect week.  And these people I will grow old with.

 

Note:  This blog started out as me whining and cranky.  I was planning to complain  and moan as I've been aggravated a lot the past couple of  days. I've bit my tongue repeatedly to keep from telling some "how the cow ate the cabbage" and stopped myself.   I started out just to post a pic of my family from vacay, and got so entirely caught up in the memories I captured from our week together, that I've deleted many many words and this entire post turned on a dime.  Kiss my hiney, Satan.  Nice try.   I already feel better. God worked through a few silly pics.  Trust me.....I was in a mood.  They are "Miracle Pics"!  haha

 

Lessons I've learned and been reminded lately?  Count your blessings, and be happy when others are blessed as well.  Not your woes.....Because we ALL have them.  Things are rarely as they seem, so don't gossip.  Absolutely NOTHING about gossip is right.  Am I guilty of it sometimes?  You betcha.....but I strive very hard to take up my issues with people directly.  When I slip, I hate myself.  Thanks be to God!!!   Grumpy believers are not bringing people to Christ.  Be gracious to those who help you and be observant and give them value. Sometimes, you may not realize just how much others do care....and do want what is best for you.  Its human nature to want to feel "value" when you help others.  But in a Godly frame of mind, we do them simply to serve and not receive value.  Do not compare yourselves to others or keep score. That drives me crazy.  Give with a giving heart.  Receive with gratitude.  Do both with love.  Even when people are un-loveable, love them anyway.  For they need you most.  Keep reaching out even though you may get slapped hands, keep knocking on closed doors, keep calling unanswered calls, and texting with no replies.  Yes, it does stink to be left out....but in God's plan, everything is perfect.  I'm learning to trust that.   Being a Christian isn't about perfection.  It's about spending time with Jesus.  Nurturing that relationship with Him and inviting others to join.  He loves it when believers bring in new believers......but He celebrates when believers find each other!  :)   Remember, that everyone has different beliefs.  We are to love them and let that fact make this an interesting world.  There is never an excuse for hate or judgment.  We should open our hearts to new ways to bless others and of course, be blessed.  Don't be the kind of friend that you do not want.  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and He never fails us.  Ever. And above all else, remember that nobody is perfect.  Forgive.  And do it with grace.  Thank you God for speaking to me!  <3

 

Jesus loves me, this I know.....

In Him,

Terri

 

 

God's Stage....

Still writing from PCB. I will quote my brother (which I most likely will do often) and say that "if we had to leave right this minute, it still would have been an awesome vacation." Amen. However, I'm so glad we still have a couple of days left!

Monday, we spent all day soaking up the Florida sunshine. Be it on the beach or in the pool. Despite the sunshine, we all were little lobsters at the end of the day. Worth it? you betcha. Our condo is within walking distance to most anything, and the girls wanted to get "henna tattoos" so we took a stroll down the road. Shopped a little and they picked their art. I love it that the Top Gun aviator sunglasses are back in style.....but a small face and very little hair to balance it (as I did in the 80's) -- I looked like a bug. So I was tickled to find a kid pair. hehe Kid prices....Kid face. I'm now cool. (Unless you ask either of my children.) :)

Hannah and Jacob were with us as we tried on hats, looked at funny T'shirts. David promised them each a "treat" and boy, my little Hannah is like her Aunt Terri. Too many options. She pulled David all over that store and finally settled on a little cat in a crate and named her Lori. She was so doggone cute, I'm thinking that she talked him into more than that while I wasn't looking. :) Jacob settled on a crocodile head. A wrestling fan, we searched high and low for a beach towel or something with that theme. So the crocodile head it is.....named him "Jock the Croc".

Jacob is possibly the sweetest child I've ever met. Very reserved and almost bashful on the outside....but fun.ny. When he warms up, possibly one of the funniest I've met. A lot like his daddy. He loves to make up dances.....I'll see if he will let me video each one before the trip is out.....but until then you have to use your imagination. We have "the lawnmower", "the sprinkler", the "shopping cart", the "preacher", the "bread man".....etc.etc. He has moved on to the "Terri"....which is a laughing uncontrollably dance ending in a "snort", the "Sambo" which is "texting" to the beat, etc. etc. Today, we added "the sunscreen".....which is the natural dance done when someone is spraying you with sunscreen and its cold. :)

As if these funny "jigs" aren't funny enough here at the condo....we make certain we do them in public places. More teen embarrassment at its best! :)

Anyway, as we were walking along, taking in all the sites and places along "the strip", Jacob melted my heart. He said, "ya know, one thing I haven't seen around here.....is a church." David and I exchanged looks and chills went all through us. Such wisdom from a 10 year old little boy. I just had to hug him tight! Headed back and grilled burgers and watched Monday night RAW. I think he is pretty impressed that Aunt Terri can talk wrestling with him....as I used to be a fan. Fun day.

Yesterday, we all slept in a little.....as our evenings have been late ones....talks on the balcony, late night snacks, and I'm way into my book. Which I love. Again....I plan to blog later about it. While the details of it are different....I could have written that book. Seriously. I never realized how cynical I've been! And what I've learned about my spiritual walk just by reading it. Good stuff.

Back to yesterday's events. We decided to take a little break from the sunshine, and head into Destin. My kiddos love "Whataburger" so we had a lunch there and headed over to the outlet malls. Had to teach "Sammy" that an "Outlet" mall isn't because the stores open to the "outside". AND that just because others DO....doesn't make them an outlet mall. Lol....Samism's keep coming. He is joined in his "blonde roots" by Chloe. Who thought "dumb" was spelled "D-U-M"....and was met with great debate. Which is why we were forced to purchase "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum" shirts for she and Syd. Guess you know which one Chloe got. Or.....when David said he preferred "Miracle Whip" as opposed to Mayonnnaise......she proceeded to tell us, "I hate whipped cream".....lol. Chloe-isms. Her list is growing too! :) I just love these kids. And so grateful Chloe is with us this week. And grateful for her as Sydney's friend. Never an ounce of drama. Can see this one lasting a lifetime.

Our budget didn't allow much for shopping. Any, really. But the kiddos have their own money so we spent the day searching for bargains. And took advantage of the "Polo" store and all nine of us bought matching shirts for beach pics this week. It's always fun shopping with David and Sam. Their styles are polar opposites. Sam loves the "preppy" look and wears bright colors. David....not so much. If I point something out....he will inevitably say...."that's a Sammy shirt." We were walking through Sak's Fifth Avenue, and there in the men's dept were the colored skinny jeans. David yanks a bright yellow pair and a red shirt and hold them in front of him and lets me snap a pic just being silly. He called it a "Sammy outfit." JUST as I snapped a pic, I get a text from Sam wanting me to come to the Banana Republic to look at some shorts he found.....Yellow. He tried them on with a new red polo to get my opinion. The timing was hilarious!!

After wrapping up the day, we headed back to the condo. David and Jay grilled pork ribs and pork chops, while Leah and I made pan fried taters, mac and cheese, and baked beans inside. Big ole country meal, and of course the new "Dance Moms" was on. We milked every ounce out of another day and there were smiles all around.

Woke up today and visited with my brother on the balcony for a bit. We listened to praise music and just watched the ocean. He and I wondered what Noah must have thought, after never seeing rain and waking up to "this"......we pondered the different reactions he may have had. Mine of course....is that he HAD to have wanted to say "I told ya so...." hehe.

We headed down to the beach and spent another day in the sand and surf. David and I got gussied up and went on our usual Wed. night dinner date. Low-key day and evening. I'm out on the balcony and just letting my thoughts flow. How easy it is to be close to God here.

I've enjoyed this family time this week. And I so hope another vacation just like this one is in our future. It would take an "Old Testament" type miracle for me to be able to anytime soon. Worry is starting to creep in on me of all the financial woes I've got waiting for me back home. I'm so grateful that David has blessed us with being able to come. Even bigger, I'm thanking God often for the little "four leaf clovers" of benevolence he has bestowed upon us. I know that its His hand and His favor that has given this week for us. It is everything I thought it would be and more.

Jay and I have talked some about the worries I face. And I have vowed to not only turn it over to God....but to listen. God doesn't always provide "answers" in black and white. As a Christian, I think I've sometimes expected Him to just "pull a rabbit out of a hat." I moan, whine, and gripe about things I can control expecting Him to dig me out of it. I don't think God prefers to work that way. He works through His children. He uses dire circumstances to bring people together and bring out their very best. He uses low times to make our gifts shine. He creates circumstances, sometimes grim, that forces us to tap into our hidden resources of love, grace, strength and knowledge. He sees the bigger picture and performs in HIS time.

When I look back over the past year....which I do an awful lot. I think most anyone would in my shoes. Anyway, I compare this week....to this time last year. I realize that even though I have questioned why He allowed me to suffer. Why he "allows" cancer. Why he "allows" suffering of any kind. I realize that He never does so without setting a stage to bring us through. I think back over my own illness.....and he gave me David. He gave me a job with bosses who were compassionate. He gave me my church family. He gave me my kids. He gave me doctors and nurses who were the best in their field. He gave me my mother before me.....to pave the way. He gave me my brother, who never ceased prayer. He gave me my friends. The best ever. He placed those in my life to offer prayer support, financial support, and emotional support. These are just a few.

We were never promised joy without suffering. But in my suffering I've found the greatest joy. I've experienced some of the greatest human suffering in my life. When I first moved to Benton, I went to a female doctor for the first time......and they asked me to fill out a "patient information" sheet that basically wanted medical history and such. One question asked me to "check all that apply:"
Did any of these major life changes happen to you in the past year?
Death of Family
Loss of Job
Move to new city
Marriage
Divorce
New Job
etc etc.
I literally could check ALL of those. The sweet nurse practitioner looked at me and said...."Prozac?" :)

When I think back....God knew exactly what he was doing. Just like the beautiful breath-taking sunsets that I am enjoying this week..... He was setting my stage. I know that my story is far from over. He gives us the "mountaintops" so that we can get through the "valleys." As a Christian, I have been known to get angry with God.....yes, I'm really admitting that.....when he doesn't give me answers and miracles on the spot. But when I look back over the course of my journey.....He was only setting the stage for something better. Even though I know as a human, I will most likely take a stroll through more and more valleys.....I can't WAIT to see what he is up to with His "mountaintops".....

Well, my Sam just joined me on the balcony for some Momma-Son time. Precious and priceless. Until next time.....

In Him,
Terri