The Letter "D".....

Notice a little different Blog Title.....I feel it appropriate to change the name with an emphasis on the letter "D".....So much so that I added several of them!  :)  Yep, Momma HADDDDD Cancer. 

As a little girl, somehow I got the impression that God was watching everything I did and would clobber me for any bad behavior. I am sure this came from a mother who wanted to instill the fear of God in me — and it worked.  As an adult, I've believed in the words "reap what you sow".....the biblical version of "Karma" if you will....

Like many people who are diagnosed with cancer, I turned to God with questions and prayers after my diagnosis. I didn’t think God GAVE me cancer, but I believed He somehow had allowed it in my life. He had a purpose.  Not that anything I "did" made me "deserve" it.  I was comforted knowing that He would be with me through my battle against the disease. I was also convinced that He had a plan and a purpose for me to go through this trial.

Failed marraige, lost friendships, financial burdens,  the death of my mother, abandonment from my father, and the feeling of inadequacies have challenged my faith but not my belief in the God who created me. He led me through difficult times and into another new life for which I am SO grateful. I never dreamed that a new trial would come through breast cancer. It was easy to feel signaled out for tribulation, and I often joke that there is an angel in heaven who keeps forgetting to strike me off the trials and tribulation list.  :)  Seldom do I forget, however, that there are people on this earth who have endured and survived much worse than me.

Although BC was the worst thing that happened in my world, it was also the best thing; it gave me new insight, greater perspective, and new opportunities. It forced me to become (hopefully) a better person and grow in my faith. God didn’t give me breast cancer, but I understand when people who have believed in God their whole lives and get diagnosed with cancer often feel that He did. It is not a lack of faith to blame God for the disease — on the contrary, it shows a great belief in His omnipotence and existence. The challenge is to turn our faith instead to seeing the bigger eternal picture and plan that God has for our life and to grow along the journey He leads us on.
Why would a loving God allow us to get cancer? Honestly — I don’t know. I can only speculate that He wanted me to learn and to grow, and I am grateful that He was with me on the journey helping me to become a better person through the trial.

I wouldn't wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone.  Nor would I like to go through this again.  It was horrible.  I pray every single day for a cure.  However, I don't wish to have my life back before the cancer.  In spite of all it has taken from me.....it has given me so much more.  More importantly, it made me realize the blessings that I already had.  We are not promised tomorrow....but we ARE promised eternity.  God didn't GIVE me cancer.  Nor did he ALLOW Cancer to attack me and my family.  But He did walk with me, carry me, comfort me and USE me and my diagnoisis for good. And those beautiful, faithful creatures He placed in my life......Sam and Syd.  The epitome of a sweet spirits, faithful servents and children of God.  Look at how they handled this???  I was grown when my mother was attacked by this horrible disease....and didn't handle it with even half the grace they did.  The difference......They allowed God to have control. 

We have been learning from Pastor Rick about "Providential Relationships" and "Pivotal Circumstances"...... If you don't think those exist....come talk to me my friends!  :)  I was once criticized by someone saying that my children only wanted to go to FBC "because they want to be with their friends....".  Well....so what?????  I do. not. care. what gets my children there.  OR what "GOT' my children there.  We are creatures of habit right?  The fact is....they get it.  I get it.  And we are in a loving church home in the "company of Christian friends".  God's hand has always been on us......I just finally learned to give up the controls.....and let Him drive. 

And ya know?  The letter "D" may not be my finale.  I may have to fight again.  It may return.  Or it may strike my family again someday.  This time I will not question Him.  Our faith will carry me and my house through anything!!

There is nothing more comforting than to find peace....true peace.
In Him,
Terri