Happy Tears

I know I'm not the first to send her child off to college.  And I certainly won't be the last.  My Sam made me a mom. Throughout all of my life's twists and turns, ups and downs, victories, mistakes, even sickness and health..I've had one constant....my  Sam and  Sydney Clare.  The three of us have always been a team...made decisions as a team and have been best friends.  This child and his sister,  have endured so much in his 18 years of life....starting with his first assisted breath...much more than most his age.  Deaths, divorce, my illness. The thing is?  You would never know it.  He is the happiest kid.  He shines his light to all he meets.  Always smiling.  Always kind. He has literally been a source of joy every single day since he was born. Without fail. 

He looks to God. He is a self-proclaimed "momma's boy" and my favorite man on this earth. He is a gentleman. And real. And incredibly sweet.  And while  I feel like Conway is so far away.  I know he will be just fine.  I want him to enjoy every second of his new home, his new friends, his new teachers, his new team, and his new coaches.  I don't want him home often, because I want him to enjoy these best years of his life.  I am giddy watching this kid chase his dreams. Sam has, at times, been the underdog.  The overlooked.  Never been the one who got special treatment or ahead because of any reason other than hard work.  This kid is everything I wish I was.  And more. 

I'm not afraid of losing him. He has always made his relationship with me a priority.  I remember in Pre-school, when I arrived to pick him up each day....he would be playing.  When he noticed me there, he would run full speed to me, so happy to see his momma.  To this day...he texts or calls when his feet hit the floor. Or when he gets out of practice or off work. He piles up next to me to talk, laugh and just enjoy time with me. He drops into my office almost daily just to visit.   I know that our friendship won't change. We are best friends.  He said to me not long ago, " of course, I'll come back!   You're my momma!!"  You know what?  I believe him!  

I can't wait to hear about his days, still. For him to bring home his laundry, or call for gas money.  I can't wait to meet his new friends, hear about his classes, watch his new team, and proof his papers.  I can't wait to meet a new "someone special" because there is bound to be one. I'm excited to visit him in Conway as he finds a new church home. I realize that miles can't separate us, because we live in each other's hearts. 

I watched tonight in Walmart....a heartfelt embrace between Sam and one of his former class and teammates that is leaving for the Navy tomorrow morning.  I heard the words "love ya man" and "so proud for you" and "prayin for ya, bro" as they shared in under 5 minutes each other's future plans.  They weren't hindered by being "macho men", the color of skin, or who was around. Just sincere, genuine, and REAL. As I went through the motions of the self-checkout, fighting back tears...it hit me that my Sam and his friend were going to be just fine. We...our little team and our village...have prepared him for this wonderful blessed opportunity before him. Yes, I will miss moments.  I know our daily lives will change.  But he loves me.  This I know. 

It's time for me to turn him over to our God, who I trust will love, carry, guide and protect him.  And I trust that my Sam will continue to look to God while reaching for the stars. 

My tears are not because I'm sad. And yes, the tears are plenty.   It's because my cup runneth over.  This love of my life gets to do this.  And I get to continue watching.  What a gift. Gosh, what an incredible gift. 

Please join me in praying for my Sam.  For our family as we find a new normal.  For our friends who are going their separate paths. And their parents, like me, struggling to let go. Pray for this world to accept them, and let them continue making it a brighter place. Fly high, kiddos!

In Him,

Terri

1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and God granted what I asked of Him."