I hope you read this, my son, who I love more than life. I see you growing up to be a fine young man and I could not be prouder of you than I am. I also want to know how much I love you.
I remember the day that I brought home my firstborn child from the hospital -- after all those weeks in the NICU at ACH. I walked into our home with him in my arms. The previous weeks had been a whirlwind of activity, filled with doctors and nurses who knew what to do and what tests to run and what should happen next. They made sure your dad and I knew exactly what to do in any given situation. Well...for trach care anyway. Or so I thought....
As a proud momma so excited to finally go home.... In reality, I was terrified. I unlocked the door and walked into the house, closing the door behind me. It was so quiet there that for a moment it was shocking. Then I realized I was holding a baby with severe respiratory needs, our baby, in my arms and that everything that happened next was up to me. Your dad had to go back to work. And I was alone with you. You were scary. I was terrified.
What do I do next? What happens if there’s a problem? Who’s gonna tell me what to do?
You know what happened next?
Life.
People have been facing this for thousands of years ago and will continue to face it for another thousand years.
Just as I did with every obstacle that was thrown my way in the first days and weeks of your life...Trust in your nature, it will take over and help you find the right thing to do. Don’t worry about it, just do your best, be a good person, read everything you can and learn from those around you. Ask questions until you’re satisfied with the answer then ask a few more. Stay away from the bad things, son. Be honest. And know you always have one person in your corner.....me. Pray...about everything. Everyday. Don't forget to thank Him. Everyday. And for Christ's sake....Don't strike out "looking!" Take risks and believe in yourself. Because I believe in you.
You will start to get the hang of it as long as you take your new responsibility seriously.
College life will be like that. There’ll be a furious amount of activity getting you to the school and set up and prepared for classes and bags unpacked. Then there will come an awful moment when you realize it’s time for your mom to go home, for you to go back to your dorm room for the first time by yourself.
You know what happens next? Yep...you guessed it.
Life happens next.
Your mom will get home and call you and you’ll go to sleep and wake up the next morning and start your day. Each day will become a little more like the next one rather than the one that just passed.
You’ll learn and grow and get on with your college career.
Don’t worry about leaving your roots behind. You could no more leave your roots behind than a tree can get up and walk away from theirs. Your roots will provide you the values and nourishment you need to get through the troublesome times and help you make sense of the confusing ones.
Your parents will continue to love you, your sister will be there to share in your new experiences and you’ll be able to tell them all about the new things that you’re going through. Sure, things will be different than what you’re used to but that is just the nature of life. As the tree grows taller and stronger it starts to cast shade and take on its adult maturity. So will you.
Trust in your sweet nature and in the goodness of life around you and you’ll do just fine. Oh, and one more thing, call your mother. Tell her you love her. That seems to make all the difference. :)
I'm getting hives thinking about all this is happening in the very near future. College talk, planning, and decisions. Wanting you to go out into the world and be fabulous....while wanting to hang on to you and never let you go. I am so excited for your last year of football as a Panther....homecoming, pep rallies, Senior parades, prom, and baseball season. I want to cherish every moment with you....but also to let you enjoy it on your own. Please know I try hard to find that balance between being your mom and being your friend.
I am so proud of the young man you are. How when you love...you love deeply. How you are a gentleman. How you face adversity.....by just working through it and never losing a hope that so many never find. As a young man, you have faced real life problems....much of which my choices have dealt you, and for that, I apologize. You have grown into a wonderful athlete....lacking a dad on the field. While others call a home like ours "broken"....you and your sister have made it anything but. I know that growing up with a single mom has made your life different than that of your peers. However, your dad and I hope and pray that you look back on your childhood with a fondness, and it is filled with the greatest of memories.
The way you have handled your faith, your studies, your sports commitments, your job, your friends and your family just impresses the heck out of me, son. Grown adults struggle with the things you handle with ease every day.
I realize as a mother how blessed I am for the little boy that gave me that title to be you, Sam. I can't promise that I won't cry as every milestone this year comes and goes. For I know that is one that I cannot keep. But know that each tear is just love poured out for you. Each represents my cup just overflowing with joy for what you have accomplished and what is ahead of you. If given the chance, I would not have handpicked a better son. You have led our little family and I know God will shine down His blessings upon you as your future unfolds.....
Find your wings, my Sam.....Find your wings.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
I love you, Sam.
In Him,
Mom
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