"Keep Making Me"

The crummy weather lately has slowed our lives down significantly.  Funny how the Lord knows when we need some down time....and forces it upon us.  Frankly...I love it!  :) 




That said, I've been alone in my thoughts quite a bit, and digging into the Word via a couple of devotionals and of course, the commitments we have made as a family to do.   As I've shared before....so many times, I'm touched by music.  K-Love has single-handedly got to be the ministry that has touched me like no other.  Most likely because it is piped throughout my office daily, and is a staple in my car. After all, we are creatures of habit.   And those are two of the places I spend the majority of my time.




But that said, Christian music can SO turn your day around.  Can't tell ya how many times it has pulled me out of road rage.....or a morning grumpy mood....or settled me down after a trying day.  It just reaches me.  I've blogged several times around a song that enters my thoughts and will not go away.  Tonight....I have another....

http://youtu.be/BGkmPeVpBbI


I'm having trouble sharing the video tonight....so instead there is the link.  This song touches me almost above no other right now.  Bear with me....these words are so necessary and RELEVANT in order to bring my thoughts into words.

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel

I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

I think of the times in my life when I've been so incredibly broken.  There have been plenty.  Oftentimes due to my own choices.  Others due to the choices of others.  I look back, yes with some pain.....but I see how God used those times.  How He taught me to completely focus on Him.  How he never left me.  How He guided specific events in my favor....when I did not understand it at the time.  How He taught me lessons that I'll never forget.  That HIS plan is perfect.....and MY plan was far from it.  His understanding that I am not perfect and His steadfast being beside me.  Broken before Him.....taught me grace.

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

Emptiness.  There is no greater pain.  I guess I'm not the alone in the fact that I've suffered broken relationships.  There are times when I've had to walk away.  Feeling just exhausted and empty.  Friendships, divorce, etc.  When I love...I love completely and deeply.  Not the "romantic" kind of love.  But a love that honors and respects.  A love that causes fear.  Fear of abandonment and betrayal.  When I've felt that "emptiness"....I am now beginning to understand that God fills me....like nothing else.  He has given me earthly relationships that will stand the test of time, disappointments, and just life.  He has taught me that forgiveness, whether accepted or not, should be given....and that is love.  Daily...I'm reminded that He places us where we need to be.  And guides us away from where we don't need to be.  I'm thankful for my "emptiness".....or else I wouldn't know the feeling of being "filled." 

 Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

I've experienced various degrees of loneliness.  And it has been in those darkest of times, that my faith has grown the most.  Two failed marriages, a move to a new city, job changes, loss of my mother, my illness....and life AFTER my illness.  I've had some really deep feelings of being alone.  I almost chuckle now....as I see the things He has done when I look to him. Friends, I wouldn't change a line in the book of my life.....and I've had some pretty big "lines" (read...CHAPTERS) that I need to erase.  But I'll say it again....not a line.  God has taken this ordinary sinner......this earthly person.....this broken and hardened heart.....this sick body.....and this little old life.....and made me have an extraordinary love for Him.  I see people that I've hurt forgive me.  I've seen people that have hurt me, see the open door and walk through it.  All the pain is coming full circle because of HIM.  He is THE light in our dark world. 

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

I just cannot get enough.  I cannot tell you the ways that my God has delivered me.  How He continues to "make me."  How blessed I am with those He has placed around me throughout every phase of my life.  Through my mistakes and my failures.....and my victories and celebrations.  Life is not nearly as hard as is used to be. Since I've learned to trust Him with my heart, my love, my children, my money, my job, my friends...... It really is a peace that surpasses my understanding.  Test Him.....I dare ya.  :)
I know I've rambled....and my mind is still swirling with the words of this song and the many ways it applies to events in my life.  Earthly miracles that I simply cannot explain but simply have to give the glory to Him.  One day, I want to be remembered NOT by the mistakes I made....but how my mistakes made me BETTER.  Here's a start....


God is so cool.
In Him,
Terri


PS.  A few weeks ago, while in search of this song, I stumbled upon this link, where Dave, from Sidewalk Prophets digs into this song and its meaning to him.  It is definitely worth a listen.  I've made it my devotional more than once, and plan to share with my children.  "Pray scary prayers".....wow.  Let that sink in.


http://youtu.be/0OeoyGBqV_A