My Journey to Tithe

God has been tugging at me lately.  More so than usual and I have to laugh at myself when I actually put this in writing for all to see, how absolutely ridiculous this may sound to most.  By writing, I can usually see a change in my attitude or in the way I'm responding or reacting to whatever it is on my heart...by the end of the post. 

You know? Its not really that hard to trust God with things we can't control.  Such as...."Lord keep me safe from this tornado."   Or "Lord, Let us arrive safely."  Or "Lord,  cure me of cancer."  Ya get the drift.  What is hard for us "control freaks" is turning the reigns over to Him on things we CAN control.  That's when I look at God and say...."Ok, you're meddlin now!"  Case in point?  Money.

The love of money is the root of all evil.  And I believe that money separates us from God more than almost anything. And in many ways, I believe it trickles in between and tears many relationships between us as believers.   I've had an enlightening week...to say the least.   And its only Tuesday. 

Take off your "judgment pants"....because I need prayers and support in carrying out my new (ok...old, because I've always known this....just never lived it!) epiphany.  I don't tithe.  Yes, I give.  I place a few bucks in the offering plate on Sunday.  I donate to charities.... i.e, girl scout cookies, cookie dough sales, even the Komen Foundation, etc.  But I am not a fruitful giver. 

Even more history.  I am organized to a fault.  With a Bachelors in Accounting, and the majority of my career spent in Bank Audit and Lending, I know how to balance a checkbook.  I know how to budget.  I am a whiz with numbers.  Your classic "bean counter" with a side of social skills.  That's me.  So what I'm about to reveal is absolutely nuts.  I can no longer balance my own household budget if it kills me!  Since my diagnosis, I've been behind on most everything.  Not "living on the street" bind....or "re-possession" type bind....but for the most part? "Paycheck to Paycheck" stress.....biggie stuff on the back-burner that shouldn't be....and one emergency away from being in a real dangerous position.  I really don't have an excuse....I just "rob Peter to pay Paul" then Peter comes a-callin.  I would venture to say, that there are others much like me. 

I pay my bills.  Right before they are to be disconnected.  I run about a week late on my home....sometimes 2.  I am dead on with my car (because its auto-drafted).  Then the kiddos need this or that.  I'm like an ATM.  I no longer have health insurance, because I can't afford it.  I had a gas leak 2 months ago, and my Centerpoint bill is $1,450 and even though they've given me a couple of extensions (after I provided them with a medical certificate) and is due to be disconnected ummm.....July 24 (6 days ago).  The only thing I can say is?  Its summer time, and we can live without hot water if we have to!  :)   I am still trying to raise the money to pay the sales tax on my vehicle because like a dummy, I thought it was financed in....and it wasn't.  And here it is August.  If you have two in school?  August expenses are worse than December.  Not to mention, medical bills out the wazoo, having to let my health insurance go because they raised my premiums, added to the already hole I was digging out of from the failure of my marriage.

Those are the immediate fires.....in my "not so far off" future, I have college times 2, I want to buy my home, retirement, and God forbid the fight of another illness.  Oh to know years ago, what I know now.

By definition, I am a single mom.  I've been corrected more than once because I do have David in my life, for which I am grateful.  But, I assure you.....when it comes to finances, he has four..... 1,2,3,4!!! children to support.  So, yes, he is gracious to help.  He gives us more than we deserve.  But I'm an independent woman, with a job, and two children, who depend on me. And me only.  Poor David...I'm quite a catch, huh?

That said, I've gone back and forth in my heart.....on paper......on a calculator....on my budget spreadsheet......how can I possibly afford to tithe???  I have caught myself making deals with God...."As soon as I get this caught up....or pay that....or get ahead...blah blah blah" I'll stick to my offering plan.  Guess what?  I'm 42.  I'm not ahead yet.  In fact....things are probably more dire now, than they ever have been with me.

My brother has been begging me for years to just trust in the Lord.  To give God what is already His.  It's like I've been stealing from God. Let me re-phrase....I've been stealing from God.  That first 10% is HIS!!!  Anything above that? Is my offering to Him.  I asked my brother to direct me to some scripture.  As I dug into the Word, and prayed over what is told to us in both the Old AND New Testaments....I am finally relinquishing my control.
Here are a few:

Malachi 3:8-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.
“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’
“In tithes and offerings. ⁹ You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. ¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it.

2 Corinthians 9:6-10

New International Version (NIV)

Generosity Encouraged

⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. ⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. ⁹ As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
    their righteousness endures forever.”^[a]

¹⁰ Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.

Proverbs 3:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Honor the Lord with your wealth,
    with the firstfruits of all your crops;
¹⁰ then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
    and your vats will brim over with new wine.

 

 

I realized that what's been laying heavily on me....and what I've been struggling with for YEARS, is that lying, deceptive devil trying to tell me that I can't afford it.  He makes the numbers not add up.  He makes me spend foolishly.  He makes me afraid to trust.  He keeps me from being a cheerful giver. 

I have been very blessed to always have a good job.  To have children who are happy with what I can provide.  To have all of what we need, and even most of what we want.  God has blessed me for years, even without giving the best of my "fruits" to Him.  I have been selfish in my struggles. 

I know that God is up to something.  Starting this Sunday.  I will be giving in excess of my 10%.  And I'm excited!  Please pray for me in my decision to change my life.  Please know that I will share the fruits of my decision.  Know that I don't expect the blessings to pour down on me with a greedy heart....as I have been.  My church will continue its ministry with or without my "measly" 10% I know.  The last three weeks....I put $20 bills in the plate.  (Even last Sunday which left me $12 to last until payday.) I thought I was doing good because I nearly gave "all I had."  God spoke to me like a bullet.  I've been robbing HIM. 

Luke 6:38

New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

 

Keep me accountable friends.  When I became saved, and was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  I promised to honor him with my prayers, my presence, my GIFTS, and my service.  In re-working my budget for August.....my income is showing a bit less.  And I've been a bit worried.  But as a friend posted on Facebook yesterday..."Faith is that bridge between where we are and where God wants us to be."  So I trust Him to guide me in making sound financial decisions for my children and I. 

I'm so angry with myself for my choices placing us where we are today.  Not prepared.  Always on the defensive.  Thankfully, God is reaching down to me....so much further than I can reach up.  I plan to share my journey.  I may need others to show me the fruits of my decision.  Truth is....I'm giddy.  And can not wait until Sunday.  My trust is completely and totally with Him. And I'm at peace.  All will be ok. 

James 1:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

In Him,
Terri

PS:  My new favorite song...... LOVE IT!