My friend Gina is now starting her life in wedded bliss.....<3 The Lord provided the best weather and beautiful nature. Friends and family were plenty. I am hopeful that it was everything they dreamed of.....and more.
David and I arrived Friday around noonish and with the gang, we began the setup. Hours later....tulle was flowing in the wind, canopy was up using the beautiful spring river as a backdrop, and the stage was set. Bride was "medicatedly calm" (Gotta love Benedryl!) and as always, laughs were going strong.
I hadn't felt good all week......best I can tell, it was a good old summer cold. But charged forward. Wild horses couldn't have kept me away from standing near my friend that Saturday. :) Although, it did make me grumpy and a brat. :( On top of the insecurity I feel of being fat, white, and of course....the whole "hair" thing...., and my exhaustion from the day, AND the cold, I snapped at a precious young girl. She came up behind me and asked me if I was the "mother of the bride". Of course I melted down immediately. Everyone snickered and it sent me into an emotional tailspin. That poor girl. Yes, I had a friend explain to her. And yes, I apologized and enjoyed her company the rest of the weekend. I don't know what got into me.....ugggggg.....not one of my favorite moments.
Aside from Gina's wedding shoes walking away without feet in them, causing a slight delay in start time (I ripped mine off and put them on her so no...she wasn't barefoot!), the wedding was beautiful and unique. Filled with humor and celebration and love. I was so happy to be a part of it.
After the cake was cut, the pics were taken, and the comfy clothes were on, we took a short float down the river. Fun fun times were had!!! <3 I could write for days on the events of the weekend. But in short here are a few highlights! Things I learned and/or were reminded:
* I am NOT a wedding planner/decorator. lol Thank the Good Lord for my sweet friend Dana, and Pinterest! And for Sonya, professional bow-maker and Shane for her willingness for the whole "trial and error" of the day! A few sweet fellas were there to help too! :) And Maria, for keeping the bride calm. Was a group effort for sure!
* Do not let crazies jump off of a tree into 3 feet of water. If you have to...Ask them to "check their driver's license to remind them how old they are!" ..... At least BEFORE the wedding. If they want to kill themselves after, perfectly ok. :)
* I was reminded how to raise up my butt when goin over the rocks. :) My abs are stronger today for sure!
* There are times when I'm definitely a fish out of water. There is a little piece of nature on the Spring called "Deadman's Curve" that is named appropriately. If you are gonna end up out of your canoe, raft, tube, whatever anywhere.....this is the spot. Yes, its swift, rocky, narrow, and hard to manage. However......the "scenery" there can make ya lose your focus. I'm certain that is the reason for MANY "almost drowings"! haha A DJ, stripper pole, lots of "adult beverages" consumed there....and a people watcher's paradise. There is a "mardi gras" type theme with beads. Not a great place for a woman who has had a mastectomy! lol I was given an honorary strand.....I most certainly earned them. NOT a place for kids. Ever. Under any circumstances. Bypass Deadman's curve.
* Dogs are smarter than humans. "Saddler" (named after Saddler Falls) is probably the best-trained, smartest yellow labs I've ever seen. Ya just had to be there. He could dive down and retrieve a rock that I'm sure looked like every other rock when thrown as far as a man could throw one. He could shake and shower anyone on command at whomever told to. He could bark, be shushed. I'm not doing this justice..... It was amazing.
* Beauty is NOT only skin deep. I saw beautiful people who were so incredibly ugly. And learned that what is INSIDE a person can make them simply exquisite. If only the rest of the world felt that way.....That is for another blog post. For another time.
* I miss camping. I would love to go back another time....simply to "vacay and relax". I was so exhausted from the "wedding setup and takedown"....that I didn't take a minute to simply enjoy God's splendor. I've been worrying and fretting for weeks and it turned out pretty ok! :) I'm so very happy for my friend who is now making this her new home.
* You cannot always bank on first impressions. I grew to really enjoy the company of several this weekend that I was skeptical on the front end. I'm learning to really dig deep and get to know people. And in doing so, I was blessed. On the flip side....I'm grateful that others gave ME the same courtesy! :) I met some fun new friends in the process!
* We are more than a group of friends. We don't allow anyone to hurt each other. We may not always be appropriate in the showing of our love.....but it is known and understood without a doubt, that we have a true and genuine love and we are a family. In doing so, we respect the wishes of each other. We forgive. We stick together. And we protect. You might find yourself on probation! :) But if you come to realize and understand the nature and dynamic of this circle.....it is one you will never want to leave. Nothing makes me more happy, than to hear my dearest friends tell me how precious David is. Yes, he is a wonderful man. But I believe they truly accepted him when they saw how well he treated me. (AND of course when he rescued Gina in the snow! hehe) How he has never left my side. Even with some of the unexpected "crises" I've dealt him! :) And even further....David loves and respects my friends. He would do anything for them.....just as he would for me. I pray that everyone find a love like I have. One I honestly don't deserve.
* I need to lose weight. Pictures really do say a thousand words. And for me....a thousand pounds. So.....I'm gonna be totally selfish here and only post one.......which is my favorite. I cannot tell you how much I love these people!!!!! <3
Aren't they all so beautiful?????? Inside.....AND out.
After David and I dismantled the "wedding stuff", we headed to my brother's house in Newport. Stayed up way too late laughing and sharing old stories. Planning our upcoming vacation, which apparently is to do a whole lot of porch sitting, beach laying and eating! :) Cannot wait to make these memories!!!!
Jay's sermon Sunday morning, and Leah's leading of the worship time in song....touched me like never before. My sister-in-law led a song that I've never heard before. I've wished I had recorded her version of it....so many times since yesterday morning. But I was so lost in prayer and worship, that I didn't think of it.
It's entitled "I never lost my praise".......and even if I have to say, her version is better than any I've heard. The words are so meaningful and so true! Please take a listen:
Got me to thinking about my life. How I've handled crises. I'm not so proud of myself at times. I've not always "praised" Him anyway. But in those hard times when I did.....the path was much smoother.
It got me to thinking about myself as a mother. Am I guiding my children to be lovers of Jesus and servants of Christ?
How am I as a life partner? Do I let the "words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart" be acceptable to Him? Am I respectful to David? Am I a Godly example?
How am I in friendships? Do I surround myself with Christian believers and always have my actions reflect that of Godly behavior? Do I truly give all of myself to the needs and desires of others??
As a sister, daughter, cousin.....am I more concerned with being "needed" and standing through any storm no matter what.....than by advising what the Word says?
Boy have I got a ton of work to do. I guess God answered my prayers all these months in letting me stay a while longer, because he KNEW I wasn't ready for His Kingdom. I've got some more things to work on. It is tough being a Christian sometimes. It is tough taking the road less traveled. Walking along the path that others sometimes don't choose.
I have a smart mouth and a bad attitude at times. Sometimes, I'm just a brat. That is not a Godly example at all. I strive to be a tither. I mean, I place something in the offering. When I'm there. But I want to truly give ABOVE the 10%. The Bible tells me that 10% is already His and any above that is my "offering". And to an accountant, that is hard. If the money is not there, how can I give? 10+% of a little....isn't much. But when there is little to begin with?????
What I'm learning in my quiet time and in digging into the word.....and this week through Jay's sermon, is that if my true focus is on what God wants for me.....again, what GOD wants for me.....then He will take care of the rest. For this ole control freak, that's hard. God has been revealing to me those in my life who nurture my relationship with Him. Those who connect with me on a spiritual level. Who speak to me in love and encouragement.....not in judgment. Who will love me regardless.....but will not let Satan use them as a vessel to steer me wrong. As I'm afraid I've done in the past.
I have learned to designate prayer time each day....not to give Him my worries. But to just praise Him. It warmed my heart so much Sunday morning.....to have my David beside me....holding my hand in his, with his other raised in worship. I glanced at him and a tear trickled down his face. Finally....I have a man in my life.....my best friend....who "gets it."! <3 I love watching the videos posted of the kiddos on Choir Tour -- who are leading worship across the nation.....and it shows on their faces....the PRAISE. It shows with their hands high in the air....and their eyes full of wonder. I simply love it.
I can't wait to get away next week....with my family. Get close to them and to God in all of His splendor and beauty. I plan to blog away!!! :) Its funny, when you put your life out there in a public forum such as I do with this blog.....Satan uses people to constantly find fault with every move I make. I guess its one of the "down sides" to letting people in on your life. I almost get tickled at those who "hang on every word" but then use those words against me. Small town America....unfortunately, I hear everything that is said. What's funny is.....for every bad apple.....there are 10 times those who have gone out of their way to let me know that my blog inspires them. That they can relate to my words as a fellow friend, mom, sister, daughter, Christian, and even Survivor. I hear from people all over. Some know me on a day to day basis. Others only through here. I told myself I would stop using this space to defend it. But every once in a while....I just have to say....Satan! Get back Jack! You are not welcome here. Satan....if you don't like what I say. Don't read it. If you are forced to judge what I say? Then contact me because you must be perfect and possibly I could learn something! If you think I'm trying to be something I'm not? Then read EVERY word.....because I don't know many that would trade places with me on much of my life. I am a hypocrite. I am a sinner. I fall short. And I place it here for all to read. Gossip is ugly.....if you can't tell something from a place of truth and non-judgment, then ya probably outta not say it. Momma used to say...."if ya can't say something nice........" :)
I don't wanna get a thousand texts asking me "who is being mean".....blah blah blah. Nobody. It also kinda tickles me at usually those who text first are usually the ones who are guilty! :) I am working to live my life for Christ. I am in love with a man that I hope to marry someday. Yes, he lives under my roof. (Well....he does when he is not working out of town averaging MAYBE 6-8 days a month). Didn't make a lot of sense to keep two places, when he was needed here. And as I've discussed with more than one clergy, God knows my heart.....and there is no doubt that David was hand-picked by God to be a part of my life and of that of my children. We have very frank conversations about that with the kids and yes, I'm very convicted of the very hypocritical nature of that. There are very private reasons why I am not married to him, yet.....of which I am choosing not to disclose now. And I have that right. Many speculate many things. I'll tell my reasons. Someday.
When I became sick, the kids and I would not have made it without his love and care and devotion to our family.....at times, at the sacrifice of his own. Those who love me.....focus on THAT fact. I am a single mother with a large village. I have single momma worries. Single momma fears. Single momma issues. And Single momma blessings. Throw a little thing called "cancer" in there and all that that entails on the side.....and then talk to ME about issues. Yep, I shouldn't be spending the money I really don't have to take a vacation. So I'm really not. Thanks to DAVID, we are able to enjoy this. And Praise GOD he is in my life. When you face your mortality square in the eye.....you have to soak up every second. Every. Single. Opportunity. Last summer we where forced into surgery and chemo and worries like never before. So yes, I'm taking advantage of the gifts and blessings given to us....and taking my kids to make a few memories. Judge me. I no longer care. The glory goes to nobody but God.
For one small week.....for exactly seven days......I'm excited to see my brother's children see the ocean for the first time. To bond with Leah and have some heart-to-heart girl talks with my brother's love. I'm excited for the nightly devotions we have planned. And to reminisce the same old childhood stories with my baby brother. And even create some new ones to talk about! I'm excited to turn off my phone and spend some quality time with my children and take lots and lots of pictures. Time is precious. And we are not promised any certain amount of it. You get the jist. All my problems and worries will be here when I get back. No harm in taking a week out.
You see? I am all of those horrible things I mentioned above. Satan DOES try to use me as a vessel at times. But through my salvation, I'm promised grace and forgiveness. And if I don't extend the same to others, I can not receive it. I am seeking to right my wrongs. To live in fullness with God. I'm on the road my friends. Takin care of business.....
"I never lost my hope. I never lost my joy. I never lost my faith. But most of all....I never lost my Praise. " For that, I'm not lucky. I'm blessed.
In Him,
Terri
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