Business first.....The medical junk. Lucky #7 kicked my ever-lovin hiney. Hoping to work tomorrow....Friday. Which will be the only day this week. I'm praying that the Lord continues to protect my job. For I'm not the most dependable lately! :( The bone pain is excrutiating at times.....dull and nagging ALL the time. Thankfully, it seems to be easing some. I've had headaches this time and some nausea and tummy stuff. Missed out on some fun "mom things" this week. Ballgames, church, and of course work. Glad I've got some great friends....We may be on their couch if I don't make it through one more round! :)
"One more round"......To some, I'm sure that doesn't mean the same thing that it does to me. Folks, I've JUST about knocked this thing out! Let me re-phrase....WE have just about knocked it out. It has definately been a team effort. We are continuing to be blessed in more ways than I can ever list.
"Faith"
Last Friday, I went in for my treatment. Typically, Friday afternoons, I have the chemo room to myself. Occassionally there are others in and out but most of the time its me and my "chemo buddies" for the day. Always my sweet Sonya. I think she has been there nearly every treatment. Such a comfort. While I'm now a pro.....it is so nice to have her there. If nothing else, we can catch up on girl talk and without fail, we share laughs. Hope she knows what she means to me. I'm sure I don't show it enough.
Anyway....Friday was a little different. We shared chemo time with another fighter. I didn't even catch her name. I've seen her a time or two....but today we really talked. Here I was....going on and on about how I only had "one more after this one".....and the next time "I would have my graduation".....etc.etc. I'm going to name her "Faith". Because she was absolutely the epitome of it!!! Faith came in with a bubbly attitude and a smile. Going on with the nurses like I do....Wearing a sassy little wig. This time, she sat directly across from me and we began to chat. Will never forget this conversation.....
Faith: "Do you mind if I ask how old you are?"
Me: "I'm 41"
Faith: "I'm 42!" and she smiled. ( It's rare that I have much in common with the others in the chemo room.....other than "chemo" of course.)
Faith: "What kind of cancer did you use to have?"
Me: "I have breast cancer and only have one treatment left! Thank goodness!" (There I go....bragging again like an idiot! I honestly thought she was thinking mine was recurring....)
Faith: "No, you USED to have breast cancer!" ( Big smile.....correcting me that this chemo has done its job....and I've survived.)
Me: "Absolutely! May I ask what your cancer WAS?"
Faith: "Well, I was diagnosed at 31 with breast cancer.....and the doctor says its back in my liver, and I've been on chemo for 3 years. Indefinately. But I'm gonna make a believer out of Dr. Khalil. My God has taken care of this. It's gone. I know it is. I will have my "last treatment" day too."
Me: Feeling like a COMPLETE jerk.....cowering at my reality check. My heart sank.....completely sank for my new friend. 8 years out and it came back???? Chemo for 3 YEARS? Indefinately?
Faith: "Did you have the Adriacytoxin?"
Me: "The Red Devil? I did.....it kicked my hiney!"
Faith: "Girl, I call it the "Blood of Jesus"......." Said with such attitude and conviction.
We chatted a bit further about our children and such, and as she left she looked at me and we promised to pray for one another. But I've not been able to get her out of my mind. Sonya and I have discussed her since. She touched both of us that day. What a true inspiring sister in Christ I found that day. There is not a doubt in my mind that the Lord had a hand in it. Made me think about a number of things.
This may not be over for me. It may come back someday. If so.....God will not leave me then. Nor should my faith be shaken. I'm sure the devil was there that day. Making me cower. Making me fear the future. Making me worry. You know, that is how Satan works....in the form of worry. Faith has no room for worry. Only Hope. I know that is "ok" to celebrate the fact that I've made it this far. But it's also ok to notice my scars.
Tim McGraw had this song once...."Live like you were Dying".....or something like that. I can remember a couple of phrases in it...."Love Deeper and Spoke Sweeter." This cancer has definately made me truly love in a deeper way. Love my Christ, love my children, love my family and friends. Love myself, even. I know longer look in the mirror and hate myself for past mistakes. Those emotional scars mean I "survived," just like the physical ones. And like my friend "Faith".....if it comes back. We begin to fight. Again. and Again.
It has also made me want to speak "sweeter" to others. And constantly say "I love you." Not always 100% successful at this one. I'm pretty grouchy these days. But I am consitently making the effort to try harder. Words are so powerful. In good ways. And in bad ways. The whole "sticks and stones.....blah blah blah" Baloney!!!
Friends, please pray for my friend Faith. That her cancer is gone. Forever. And offer a prayer of thanksgiving for placing her in my path to inspire me.
"FOOTBALL"
It's that time of year when the men in my life talk about nothing but football, my daughter's activies are all centered around the "game", my TV only picks up ESPN, my newsfeed is crammed with pics and status updates about everyone's favorite team, coaches, blogs, etc. Football Season is here.
My Sam is one of 2 or 3 sophomores seeing playing time on Friday nights for the Panthers. That's cool. I mean, really cool. He works so hard. Loves the game. And there isn't much I'd rather do than be in the stands watching him. He also plays for the JV team on Monday nights. My health has forced me to miss some of his moments on the field....and that KILLS me. While I know in my heart he understands, I also know he KNOWS when I'm there. No matter the sport.....when he hits the sidelines the first time, he is scanning the stands. If I'm not looking, David will often nudge me....."Momma...he's looking for you!"......and I'll wave like a fool and he will give me the "head nod" and go on about his business. I love it. Without fail....everytime. Yep, he knows I'm there. Due to the many prayers, I've not missed much!
With JV games on Mondays, Jr High on Thursdays, when Sydney dances, and Varsity on Fridays......I'm footballin 3 nights a week. Makes me tired BEFORE the cancer thing! haha Like I said, no place I'd rather be!
Panthers pulled a win last Friday night after a 2 hour rain delay. Walked off the field around midnight. Go Panthers!
We were able to tailgate Saturday for the first LR Razorback game. Best time with my friends and all their kiddos.....I took advantage of every single "feel good" moment that I had. Lots of laughs and memories were made that day. Even though the hogs suffered a loss, it was a good good day. My heart goes out to those kids. Kids are what they are. The way everyone downs them.....Can't be easy to hold their heads high and I know they have Mommas.....Lordy. Again, words. Ouch.
Tailgate fun....:)
Sunday, we followed Sam to UALR to play fall baseball. His "green" team pulled out a win. And I got sweet hugs and visits from my baseball family. Good good day.
"Last Chance"
Sunday afternoon, the side effects began and have kept me pretty much down all week. Lots of time to reflect on those I love and how this fight has forever changed me and my "faith." I can see the end of this battle. But the war is far from over. I know there will come a day.....long from now....where I might go a full day without talking about "cancer". But I can't help but smile at all the love and friendship I have felt throughout this all. We have come a long way since that day I stood in Dr. Harrison's office. April 23, 2012. Changed my life forever.
"Race"
So excited for this year's Race for the Cure. I'm walking with a wonderful team and in memory of my sweet mother. Forced me just imagine what this world would be like without breast cancer??? Gosh.....we need that cure. I am so happy to see such a large team forming and so hopeful that the rest of my friends will join in! Even if you can't make it.....They have an option to register for the "Sleep In for the Cure".....and you get to support us even though you are able to make it. $26 and a few clicks and ya get the Tshirt. More importantly.....you help my team.....you help this foundation give people like ME hope that I never have to watch my daughter go through this.
I think I currently have 22 members registered. We can do MUCH better than that! I've had nearly 100 "likes" on FB from a silly post before. Takes about that much time to do much more. And since Komen is cool....they have a "no excuses" approach! C'mon friends! Don't make me seek you out! I know that EVERYONE has someone that this disease has touched. Join my team and walk for your personal hero! Or donate in THEIR honor or memory. :)
Here is the link.....
http://arkansas.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/LIT_ArkansasAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=2568&team_id=219501
Thank you! Thank you! :)
I decided to post a pic of me.....the real me without the hat. I never want to forget anything about this fight!
My specific prayer in the coming days is this.....That if there is ANY cancer cells left.....even the tiniest. Any PRE-cancerous cells. Any trace at all in my body. That Treatment #8....at 1:30 on September 21, 2012, will go straight to them and attack until they are gone. Heck, while I'm at it.....add that it can leave my good cells alone so I'll feel good! :) This is my last chance attack. Gotta make it count!!! Please lift me up.
Many blessings and love to everyone.
In Him,
Terri
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