Hair is gone...
I am now bald, my friends. When I was first diagnosed, remember I went to the New Outlook Center at St. Vincent's and sweet Alicia informed me..."You will lose your hair....two weeks from your first treatment. Mark my words!". Love those that don't sugar-coat and just tell it like it is! And she was pretty much dead on! Last Wednesday, I started "shedding" for lack of better words. David was working out of town last week and I told him the minute he got home that we were heading outside with his trimmers. By Thursday, it was coming out in "clumps"....and driving me crazy. When I got home that afternoon, and took one look at him, I KNEW he couldn't do it. Lordy. Tears streaming down HIS face. I might lose an ear or something.....:) God love him.
My Leah lives all the way in Dallas and wasn't due in for another couple of weeks ....so what to do?? David and Sam always go to the local "Great Clips" to get their hair cut and they have a favorite girl, "Lyndsey" who we found out just a short time ago is the daughter of our dear friend, Jon. Small world.....all this time she has cut their hair, we had no idea. Anyway, I immediately texted Jon to see if maybe she was working. She was....and we headed up there.
Jon had given her a "heads up" that we were coming and she was simply precious. Led us to a chair in the back. She tried to hide her emotion and was so sweet as we went through this. I had already melted down...just a little....a day or two before. Another dose of reality set in. David sat in a chair and fought back tears himself. Her kindness and gentleness will never be forgotten. David, who is about as picky with his own hair, decided to shave his head as well....God placed this sweet girl here....this day....and her connection to us was no "coincidence". No doubt in my mind. I will never forget that day....and her part in making it much easier on the both of us. Here is a pic of us.....I didn't ask her for permission.....so I may have to ask for her forgiveness. I just want to document what a precious thing she did for us this difficult day......
I left there that afternoon with a feeling of "relief".....Call me "vain", but since I first heard the word cancer....I imagined myself bald. I knew it was coming, but you can never really prepare yourself for the way you look to the outside world. I now look sick. I'm getting that "gray" chemo look, zero tan, of course, bald, and dark circles under my eyes. Made me think alot about outward beauty. I've never been pretty by the "world's standards"......at all. But I've been a little "high maintenance" to try to look and feel my best. Before all this, I had just come off of a 6 month diet in which I'd dropped 41 lbs. I worked hard at it....and was starting to feel much better about myself.
In the whole scheme of things....who cares, darn it? Beauty truly is from within. I don't like looking in the mirror anymore. The idea of a wig makes me cringe. Its not me. Me? is bald. Is gray. Looks like a "cancer patient." Do I feel pretty? No. But in exchange....I feel blessed. I know this is only temporary. And focusing on my outward "looks" is only Satan's way of taking my focus away from the fight. My hair will grow back. My "boobies" can be reconstructed. In the meantime, I can't let chemo take away a smile. Or inner beauty. That is my focus.....to work on being more beautiful....inside.
Treatment #2:
My sweet Shane arrived all the way from Searcy to be my "chemo buddy" last Friday. Drove to Benton to pick me up and drive me back to Little Rock for my treatment. Chemo is pretty uneventful. Just get hooked up to the "stuff" for a couple of hours while ya sit and wait. This gave us time for a great visit and of course, many laughs as always. I just love Shane. She is a busy single mom of three, works two jobs and goes to school. Our busy lives don't allow for many visits....but somehow, when we have a few stolen moments to talk.....she gives me more strength than I can describe. A fellow "sister in Christ"....she is continually a source of strength for me. I am so blessed to have a friend in her. I only hope I can be to others....and to her in return.... what she is for me.
They say that laughter is the best medicine. And we definately shared many of those, as always. Sonya popped in for an impromptu visit at chemo.....bearing gifts....chocolate! :) I just love her. Sonya always wears a smile. No matter what is going on that day or inside of her....she smiles. I can feel her love. Those friends are rare and special So blessed for these girls! We had our little chemo party......which always prompts a photo op....
Shane, Sonya, Josh and Me! :)
Me and my sweet Shane:)
My "Rock Star" Chemo nurses....Carolyn and Linda! :)
I have been blessed with the best care ever. Not only are they "doing their job"....they truly care about me as a person. And they let me and my silly friends take over the chemo room every other Friday! :) These ladies are truly a blessing to me. I can't imagine going through this nightmare without them.
Magic Mike:
I was bound and determined to squeeze every single minute of "feel good" that I had left until the chemo set in. A big group of girlfriends met at the opening night of "Magic Mike".....Lordy....what fun and laughter! :)
Saturday morning, Deb and I set out to Little Rock with her sweet Ashlyn, to just goof off and hunt for some scarves to accessorize my "new look".....mainly wanted to just have a girly day. She picked me up dawning her "blinged doo-rag"......in honor of my "new do".....:)
What a friend! We had the best day! Big ole yummy Cracker Barrell breakfast...and we hit the stores. It didn't take me long to figure out that scarves really weren't a good look for me either....sigh. I'm not 80. Scarves make me feel 80. So...cute caps, big earrings it is. As always, we shared laughter, a couple of tears, and several "Deb pep talks".....I honestly don't know where I'd be without her friendship. She is truly like a sister to me in so many ways. A genuine caring person.....I know now why God called her into nursing.....her compassion is flawless. But I also know that he hand-picked her to hold my hand through this struggle. Every step of the way. What a blessing. Gosh, what a blessing. And to her sweet family for sharing her with me....day and night.
About 3 that Saturday, I began to sink. Pretty much stayed in bed until Wednesday. This one was worse. Much worse. My boss....who is a Godly man I call a friend....said it best to me today...."The sooner you wrap your head around the fact that each treatment will most likely be worse on you....the better emotionally you will be to fight this." How true. This poison is killing my body. Only I can control my spirit. His words changed my focus. I was down. Down that I was simply unable to work. Its Thursday, and I have a total of 5 hours on this check. The blessing is that my job is secure. And this too....shall pass. God has continued to show His presence in our lives.....and met our needs. So I'm choosing to continue to trust in Him.
More ballgames missed, more dependence on others to cart my kiddos around. More kicks to the spirit of being a mom that I miss so much. My Syd was a Junior Counselor at Family Farm this week. God bless Leigh for getting Syd to and from the bus each day. Family Farm is a Christian day camp that is an "outdoorsy" camp....horseback riding, canoing, fishing, paddle boats, ziplines. I found it so wonderful that her stories each day were centered around "Christ" things.....rather than stories of just "fun in the sun." I believe she said that 11 or 12 children were saved this week. So grateful that my babygirl gets the opportunity to be a part of such wonderment. God is so good. Those moments get me through these days of "being in the bed."
Independence Day!:
Wednesday was the "4th".....we were invited to the Hathcotes.....one of the most precious families on earth! This is a tradition of sorts. In fact, I can't remember a 4th in recent years, when they didn't invite us to join their huge family....(and I mean HUGE....9 kids and spouses....and expecting their 20th grandchild!!) ....for pool fun, food, family, and usually fireworks. The burn ban dampered the fireworks, but certainly not the spirit of the day. I honestly worried all day that I wouldn't feel up to it. It was so hot out, and I just felt terrible. They were grilling about 5:00 and I climbed out of bed at 4:30 for the first time since Sat. I washed my face....threw on a cap (Hey! silver lining....I can literally be ready in 10 mins! hehe) and off we went. My kids and David were excited to go and I was determined.
Kyle & Kim's beautiful shaded backyard pool is about 20 degrees cooler than the rest of the world. I got to visit with such precious people, love on babies, eat some "good ole Hathcote grub" (including Grandma's potato salad that is the best I've ever had....every year!!), and stick my feet in the pool! So glad I went. So honored to be included with their family each year. Truly precious people and friends. And this year was no different. Such a loving family.....that we are blessed to call dear friends.
The texts, phone calls, visits from "climb in the bed with me" girlfriends, Lordy...the food!, cards, gifts, and emails. Again, each one perfectly placed at a time when I needed to be fed a dose of strength. With so much wrong in this world.....I've been reminded of so much "good" among us. The sweetest of "new friends"....the comfort of my "closest" circle of friends....the blessings of "old friends".....I just can't describe. God is placing people to meet even the smallest of needs.....Can you believe that after blogging that I was waiting until payday to mail thank you notes....sweet Becky....a friend from high school....sends me postage stamps. How clever! :) Even the smallest of needs....continue to be met. Praise HIM from whom all blessings....even the greatest of friends.....flow.
Tonight....my sweet Marsha came to visit. Without detail....I will just say that she thinks of needs that others may not. And meets them. She not only loves me. But she loves my children as she would her own. And for that....I'll love her forever.
Save the Date!:
My dear friend and Chi-O sister, Jana, is spear-heading a "Team Terri" for this year's Race for the Cure in October. Tshirts and all....kinda "official-like." I am truly honored, and hopes to have all my wonderful friends join me for this wonderful thing. What Jana or a few others don't know, is that since my mom passed away 11 years ago, I've been unable to actually go to the race. While I make my donation as a "virtual runner".....its just too hard to go and be there knowing this monster took my mom from me. She lived for the race every year and she was SO proud to wear her "survivor pink". So this year.....I am earning that darn pink.....and I want my "Team Terri" to walk for HER! If all goes as scheduled, my last treatment will be Sept 21. The race is Oct 20. What a celebration!!! And what a party! :) I'd be truly honored for anyone who wants to walk with us to please let me know. :)
I know I've left out so many blessings if I were to list them all. In all honesty, I thrive on them. I am hurting. I'm hurting for some people in my life who are hurting. Friends who have been betrayed. Friends who have suffered without need. Relationships that are changing.....even ending. Hearts are breaking. Please pray for my friends. For they deserve the very best in this world for what they give to others. I hate it that I'm not in the position to just "fix it".....just like they hate it that they can't "fix me." But what friends do....is love you through it. And pray without ceasing. If there is anything worse than cancer.....its a broken heart. Please pray with me that these broken hearts are led to Jesus and that they trust in HIS plans for them. Pray that they know without a doubt how much I love them and hurt with them. And pray that I have the right words even in my darkest days ahead.
I am posting a video of one of my dearest "friendship" songs that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I love it....and still rings true for each and every one of my "friends" today. I love you......and here's to you! :)
Friends are friends forever...if the Lord's the Lord of them. A lifetime's not too long....to live as friends. :)
In Him,
Terri
Terri, I was with you the first time I heard this song. Loved it then and love it now! Stay strong my friend!
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