The Good Stuff! :)

I am blogging tonight feeling very very good....inside and out. Funny how things can change from "blog to blog" huh? What a difference a day makes!

Last week, I posted from a place of weakness and despair. Despair that literally scared me. I kept thinking to myself..."Do I really have to feel like THIS for the next 4 months?" I realize now looking back that it was the "unknown" again....that had me worried. With the first treatment....I had all those "new things" to go through again. Kept waiting for the "bomb" to go off, so to speak. Didn't know how long "this" would last or "that" would last. Didn't know what medicine might be causing me to feel this way....or what might be causing me to feel that way. It was an experimental week of sorts. And a crummy one at that.

Saturday morning, I woke up feeling like a new woman. Honestly, it was the best I'd felt since surgery nearly 2 months ago. We hit the ground running and were at the ballpark in Conway by 10 and pulled away from there about 11 that night. It was awesome!!

A full day of laughter with my baseball fam, watching my son "doing what he loves", spending the day with David and Syd. Basically I was doing what my heart enjoys. Couldn't ask for a more perfect day.  Call it the magic of Aleve, finally knocking the headache I'd had for 4 days. Call it Day 7 and the chemo finally letting up and me feeling better. What I really think? Prayers were heard. And prayers were answered. I posted my blog all but begging for prayers last week and within hours I felt incredible. Not just ok.....I've felt awesome.

Sunday was a day of "fabulous-ness" too! Up and at it early, we headed to Sunday School and church. David and I hadn't really plugged into a Sunday School class "together" yet and we were visiting one for the first time.  Not just welcomed....but EMBRACED.....we absolutely loved it. I already feel a part only after one visit. David and I had been discussing this for a while, and I've felt a "tugging" at me for some time, and I am so very honored to become a part of such a special group of people. As we walked in, we were immediately met with old friends, new friends, and just smiles all around. Our God is so incredibly good. I'm bummed that I most likely will be unable to attend next Sunday, after my next treatment. But warms my heart that David wants to go without me. That....is big.

Sunday afternoon, we continued "blown and goin" as I prepared to send Syd off to "My Jerusalem" which is a mission opportunity for the middle schoolers. We got her packed, her "snacks" bought, and headed to the parent meeting that night. Later I cleaned the dental office that I clean each week and headed home. Was a full day and I felt awesome!

The fact that I had these days were I could be "me" did wonders for my emotions and spirit. It showed me that while I'll have those crummy days, that I will also have the good ones to still look forward to. Week on....Week off. I'll take it! :)

Worked a full day yesterday and headed off to LR with Sam to meet with Dr. Sneed. He seemed pleased with how things were going and optimistic that we have chosen the right path.  I am scheduled for three Neupogen injections, which are to give my bone marrow a boost to make the necessary white blood cells quicker.  The goal of my "dose dense" regimen is to hit it hard and fast, so missing or delaying a treatment kind of defeats its purpose. 

Some experience side effects of bone pain, maybe a low grade fever to the Neupogen, but so far so good.  I've not seen any effects as of yet.  (Praise God!)  Counts taken today have not shown improvement, in fact they were a bit lower than yesterday.  So my specific prayers are that the meds kick in and improve my counts before Friday!  Friday is chemo day.  Let's get this done.

Medical stuff noted.  So on to more awesomeness!  :)  I didn't realize I'd become friends with such awesome cooks!  I think I have eaten my weight in the best chicken & dumplins I've EVER put in my mouth!  (Sorry to my wonderful aunts....yours are delicious too!)  But sweet Jackie knows how to cook!  She and Tracie were kind enough to feed us Friday night.....with plenty of leftovers!  :)  Last night, Holley and Karen brought us Tacos and all the fixens and brownies!  My Sam was in heaven.  And I'm sure Madison was glad she was visiting on a night when I wasn't doing the cooking!  :) Not only that, we have a couple of extra meals for my freezer.  How awesome is that??   My facebook was hacked today by one of those crazy posts boasting about  how I lost 23 lbs....etc.etc.  I was driving home from LR and my phone was blowing UP with all the people scolding me about still trying to lose weight, etc etc.  Funny thing is....I think I'm the only patient in history that actually GAINED weight during chemo.  Geesh....I gained a lb!  Lordy....its all that good cookin I been gettin!  :)

Also might be due to the fact that my morning "donut hole" habit has somehow kicked back in this week.  The Shipley's lady knows me and has my order there each day  (sad huh?)  but its more than that.  She and I were chatting and she is a 6 year survivor!  :)  She is so sweet each day and always asks how I'm feeling.  Simply precious.

Tonight, I'm again overwhelmed.  The local JA chapter has a service project called "Gathering of Dreams" in which they choose a family that might be going through a difficult "bump in the road" or difficulty, and they keep in contact with them throughout to offer emotional and financial support.  Apparantly, the children and I were nominated and chosen for this.  I am beyond grateful and overwhelmed beyond description.  Another example of how God will never leave us or foresake us. Through this wonderful, self-less, act of love for me and my children.  For those ladies who felt led to help us among all of the many other service projects they provide for our community.  We are so blessed.  Please join me in prayer for these wonderful ladies.  There is not a "thank you" proper enough, big enough, or loving enough that expresses the feelings the children and I have today.....and for the days to come.

There are days when I don't know how I'm going to make it through this.  And then there are days, like today, that I'm reminded of all the goodness of others out there.  Those who offer help in many different forms and fashions.....from sweet words....to prayers.....to meals.....whatever.  And they never expect a thing in return.  I know I sound like a broken record when I go on and on about how blessed we are.  Being far away from family is hard....but God contstantly reaffirms that we are exactly where we need to be.

Saturday, I was at the ballpark....and sweet Ashlyn, 10 year old daughter and "mini-me" of Deb's......was sitting near Syd and I.  She is very curious and so very concerned about what I'm going through.  She was asking when I thought I'd lose my hair.....how I felt....if I ever "threw up"....hehehe....very curious "little girl" questions.  She went on to say that she SO WISHED this wasn't happening to me.  Went on to say....that a "Good Friend" (and she nodded toward Syd) once told her that God won't put any more on me than I can't handle.  Wow!  Syd shared that with her little friend.....which made me very proud.  Ashlyn heard and BELIEVED that.....which made me prouder.....and further....I needed to hear it!!  (Reminder...this was the first day I'd felt good in a week!)  I immedatiely hugged that little girl so tight.  Looked over and of course David was tearing up!  :)  God love him.  I just couldn't resist sharing that precious moment.

She is right.  God's plan is perfect.  His timing is perfect.  This is what is supposed to be happening to me and the best way I know to get through it is to trust in His plans for me.  Maybe its so that someday I can help someone else.  Maybe its so that my kiddos can witness others.  Its being revealed more and more to me that I have a purpose.  This cancer has a purpose.  I'm not to question it, but to listen.  And trust.

We still share laughs through our "cancer jokes"....Like the day I received a door hanger on my door for a free cemetary plot.  Or when the mosquitos were about to carry us off at the ballpark and I dared them to eat on me.......the red devil will send them right to their death!  haha...  I know this is cancer is a journey that I must take to be a better Christian.  And I'm doing my very best to be just that.  How strange is it that this cancer has been a blessing to me in ways.  God knows what He is doing!  :)

I have another prayer request.  Blue Cross has started to deny my claims based on the suspician of a "pre-existing" condition.  My effective date of the policy was 4/15/2012.  Upon my approval of insurance, I immediately scheduled a routine physical with Dr. Harrison on 4/23/2012.  The lump was found and later confirmed in the mammogram that day.  I am appealing this decision.  But very worried.  The stress is consuming me enough to pay for my $2,500 deductible, plus my 20% which represents MY part of the responsibility, plus the pharmacy co-pays, and plus the monthly premiums to THEM.  Now, I'm facing the fact that excess of $40,000 in medical claims to date (before chemo) that are being denied.  This on top of rarely getting to work a full week and paying all the normal household bills!  So please....pray for me.  Tired of losing sleep over this!  I DID tell the BC/BS rep (kindly, of course!) that the stroke and heart attack that I'm bound to suffer due to the stress THEY are causing me better NOT be denied based upon a pre-existing condition!  :)  Prayers appreciated, my friends!

One more tidbit of business:  I want to take a moment to go on record as saying that I can't possibly name each and every way or action that someone does for us daily.  They would charge me for using too much memory on here!  :)  I am already feeling so inadequate as a friend because I'm just not up to fulfilling my roles to others that I want so desperately to.  Sometimes, I'm not good at immediately responding to texts.....I am so far behind on thank you notes that I'm getting embarrassed.  But mostly, I want to convey to everyone who helps us in big ways, small ways, in prayer, meals, words, cards, texts, money, whatever the case.  That it is NOT going unnoticed.  I mention many by name.  But there are SO many that are worthy of name mentions on here and it kills me to think that I may be hurting feelings.  This blog is for me to heal.  For me to survive this incredible monster we are fighting against.  To work through my own fear, my joys, my sorrows, etc.  So if anyone has felt like you weren't appreciated.....please put that to rest now.  God has placed every person in our paths .....for a reason, season, or whatever.  It's in HIS perfect plan.  And for that.....I know how blessed we are and give HIM the glory.

Cancer does a lot.  Satan likes to remind me on those "woe is me" days what all it has taken from me.  But what cancer cannot do.....

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

For me...and Through our Heavenly Father.....
It changes love.  It encourages hope.  It strengthens faith.  It provides peace. It increases confidence. It nurtures friendships.  It rushes to create and cherish memories.  It IS courage. It makes you reach for eternal life.  It awakens the Spirit.

That my friends....is the good stuff.
In Him,
Terri