Mother's Day

It's very early this morning and I find myself creeping up my hallway hoping not to wake the kiddos or my zoo of animals (2 weenie dogs, a chihuahua, and a cat....yes! I'm absolutely crazy!) I have been dying to blog again....but haven't been able to since my surgery. Some of the medication affected my vision and I have been unable to see clearly enough to write. Please forgive me if you have texted or facebooked me and it has gone unanswered. So here we go for the update...

First, the GOOD NEWS:
NO CANCER ....I repeat....NO CANCER was found in my lymph nodes!!! God heard and answered our prayer!! Please stop reading....everyone.....and offer a Prayer of Thanksgiving for those results. A big win for our God and Team Terri! :) Praise HIM from whom all our blessings flow!

Checked into the hospital last Wednesday around 1..... Myself and my "entourage".....and so many that were there in spirit. I had worked part of the day, gotten the kiddos squared away to stay with the Edmondsons, (thank God for them!), ran a couple of errands, and was getting cranky since I hadn't been able to eat OR drink since midnight before. I had taken full advantage of the whole midnight thing.....at exactly 11:49 the night before, I was sitting in bed eating a burrito and cheese dip from Patron's.....:). My sweetie loves me!! Hehe

All my people were at the hospital to see me off....my David, my Tootie & Chuck (more on them later!), my brother and his precious wife....Jay & Leah, Ang, Deb, Jon (dawning his pink shirt & tie for the occasion), my Dad & Karyn. I kinda felt a little special that day! :)

They were a little ahead of schedule....and before I knew it I was in recovery....and my life was forever changed. Not sure I can put into words how this "cancer" has effected me. But it has. Boy....has it.

I cannot begin to list all the visitors I had during my 3 days in the hospital, and my time of recovery here at home.  Inevitably I will leave someone out. My home looks like a showroom of "Tipton Hurst" with all of the beautiful flowers. And the diet is oh but just a "memory" with all the yummy food! :) God has placed us among so many caring and selfless friends. I will never be able to adequately thank some for all they have done!

Most of my hospital stay is foggy to me...I remember my requests for Cracker Barrel Mac & Cheese, Sonic Orange Slushes, and a diet coke here and there were met in record time! :). Visits from family, friends, church family, and even strangers to me who are now new friends....it was apparent to others how lucky and loved we are. I will spend the rest of my days being so grateful to so many for helping us, either by being with me....or loving my children while I couldn't be there....so many helped us through this time!

I've never really been sick or had surgery before. Tonsils out as a small child, tubes tied after Syd was born....other than breaking a few too many bones growing up....this surgery has been a new experience for me. Wasn't quite expecting the effect it's had both on my body and on my emotions.

I had expected to be on my feet by now, and heading back to work. For the first time EVER....my body isn't allowing me to do what I want and what I NEED to do! I'm still in more pain than I'd like to admit. And I'm not a "pill taker". It's finally occurring to me that I don't have to be a "hero" here....and that it's ok to take pain meds. I'm sticking with ibuprofen through the day and my prescriptions at night. Not able to do much other than hold down the recliner and work the remote! Haha

I don't think I have never really been a "vain" woman. Keeping my breasts at even a remote chance of keeping cancer was never an option for me. I just wasn't prepared for what I would see in the mirror. Complete disfigurement of my body.....and the source of this horrible pain. You see? You don't feel the "cancer"....you feel the "cure". I've heard this said many times in my life. I lived it with my precious mother. But, this is the first time it slapped me square in the face. I fear "bathtime" each day.....not because I have to have help....and all dignity is lost (haha).....but because I have to look down and in the mirror and see the "ugliness" that is left behind in fighting this horrible disease.

You can never prepare yourself for that. Not that my "boobs" were even CLOSE to a defining attribute of me, I know that it is what's INSIDE that counts, I know I'm eventually going to get NEW ones.....I just never expected the horror of what I would see and feel. You just can't prepare yourself for that. Nor can you get around these feelings I am having now.

I've spent my quiet time since my surgery in prayer. I've thought alot about my children and my family and my life ahead of me. While I got such great news on Friday.....I cant help but remember that my Mother's surgeon said those words to her too...."We think we got it all". And it came back.....with a vengeance. She, like me, had chemo as a "preventative"....just in case. I know that is Satan trying to shake my faith! That fear creeps in more often than I'd like to admit.

I want my life back dang it! I hate feeling grounded. I desperately need to work. I need to chase my kids. I need to get up each day and be a mom! Cancer just wasn't a part of my plan. :(. I thought I could be the exception and just float right through it and be a hero! My faith in myself is a bit shaken. But my faith in my God isn't.

I've seen so much love and friendship and genuine concern for us that I know we will win this fight. There is no other option....I've got quite a team....my God and I! :) The bracelet on my arm.....one side reading "Prayers for Terri"....and the other side "Phil.4:13".....reminds me outwardly of all the precious people praying for us. Reminds me of those out there graciously working to ease my worries. Reminds me that "I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me." So warms my heart to know that others are wearing these as well. Becca will never know what joy this has brought to us. Precious, precious friend she is.....

My Sydney and my Sam have been so strong and supportive this week. God has blessed me beyond measure with these two. We spent the day together laughing and watching bad TV! :) I know I'm not alone in this fight. And I know that I have so much to fight FOR! My David tells me a thousand times a day....how beautiful I am. Let me tell ya....right now? I'm nothing to look at! No make-up and a bedhead.....beauty TRULY has to be on the "inside". Haha. He has been my rock. Waited on me hand and foot. Has reassured me over and over that we are in this together....God really DID give me you, David.

All of my sweet family and friends who check on me every day...the cards, texts, calls, meals, flowers......I will never be able to adequately thank everyone for all the kindness shown to us.

I so wish I could talk to my mom today. I know in my walk with the Lord, I am promised Heaven and will one day share the arms of Jesus with her. My focus this Mother's Day is to be everything she would want me to be to my children......and more. I love and miss you Mom.