Day 5: Tough Day!

Ok....the whole purpose of this post is to totally talk myself out of this "woe is me" mood that I've gotten myself into. Wow! What a funk I'm in!! Please don't hold against me the whining and carrying on that is sure to follow! :) I began writing about my journey as a healing process to help myself through this. Today, I have sunk into such a state that can barely stand myself!! I'm just downright grouchy!!!

I guess I was in a state of denial about what kind of a major surgery I was having. I had planned to be a little sore, but back at work no later than today. I was back at work the next day after my lumpectomy and on the ball field that night! It just didn't happen today. On the "pain scale," today is probably my worst day.

Physically, I am very sore, the drains are extremely uncomfortable, I'm not able to sleep well, and I've been very sick to my stomach. Emotionally, I'm a mess. I desperately need to be working. As a single momma....that's a biggie. The bills don't stop because I am sick. I hate being a constant burden to others, and until I am released to drive....I've no choice.

The little things are driving me crazy! I can't shave under my arms....because it's too close to my wounds. I can't wash my hair because I can't get my upper body wet for a shower, and I can't raise my arms high enough to do my own (my sweet Syd is gonna try to help me with that one later!). I can't figure out what to wear that doesn't make me look like I did at age 12! I can barely even hug my kiddos because they are afraid of hurting me. I don't wanna take one kind of medicine because it hurts my tummy, and another kind makes me groggy, etc. etc. "Woe is me! Woe is me!".....this is me whining and stomping my foot and throwing a fit!! Darn it! I'm just grumpy!!!!

I'm completely blogging my entire experience.....the good, the bad, and today....the very ugly. I want to remember this whole journey and the way my Lord pulled me out of days like to today. I feel certain that He will! :)

So if ya don't mind, I feel the need to count a few of the day's blessings! As bad as today has been.... The blessings were still plentiful!!

Facebook:
Facebook has changed the world! Lordy! Has it ever changed mine! A few years ago, my Sam approached me about "getting a Facebook" and at his young age, I was reluctant. I opened an account myself to see what it was like, and to keep an eye on him. Before I knew it, I had reconnected with old friends that otherwise I might had never seen or talked to again. Friends from high school, college, family from miles off, etc. I quickly became addicted to networking and following my friends and keeping up with their daily lives.

Facebook sometimes gets a bad rap. And I must admit, deservingly so at times. There are those who use it as a source for drama....some who constantly complain.....some who use it as a "weapon" to hurt others in a cowardly sort of way. But as in life....there are a few "bad apples" in every bunch. For me, I try not to buy into that sort of thing and use it for it's true intention. I love sharing my life with my beautiful children and friends and being a part of others' who have chosen to share with me.

It is also a source of strength for me. Many times I've called out to my prayer warriors on FB, even for trivial things, and before I knew it, God was working right before my very eyes. I've also had the opportunity to pray for others and watch His never-ending work in them.

Since my diagnosis, Facebook has enabled me to get out good information to those who are concerned for us and been a place for them to reach out to me daily sending warm thoughts, unceasing prayers, and caring words. It would take me hours to count those who have reached out to me during my diagnosis and who continue to lift me up. In it's own way....that crazy little medium called "Facebook" is a blessing for us!!

Tootie & Chuck:
My Aunt Jan and Uncle Charles are the equivalent of "mom and dad" to me. Growing up, they lived next door to us and I'd usually be sitting on the front porch when she'd get home from work. She would bend down and tossle my hair and call me her "sweet Tootie". Soon she became my "Aunt Tootie" and it just stuck for all the kiddos after me.

Tootie & Chuck have survived the ultimate pain of any parent..., in the loss of their only child many years ago. "Sam" :))) was my favorite cousin back then and I thought he hung the moon. It was only fitting when I was carrying my first child, and pondering names from the Bible, that Samuel was the obvious choice.

Losing my mother at such a young age and she losing her Sam, we kinda migrated to a "mother-daughter" relationship. And my kiddos are her "grands"!! This is a perfect example of how our God works to place people where they need to be. Tootie and Chuck needed children and grandchildren to love.....and I certainly needed parents to fill a void. We have a special bond that is hard to describe.

They have been there for me throughout my years of growing up. Even when I've let them down or disappointed them....they have always been there for me. When I got my diagnosis and surgery date, they immediately made arrangements to be here. As my mother would have been. Definitely a blessing to us....my Tootie and Chuck. She just made her daily call to check on me....and hearing her voice was a highlight today.

Becca:
My day started out not the greatest today when it hit me early on that I wouldn't be heading into the office.....like clockwork....my phone rings. My Becca is on her way to work and called to check on me. Probably one of the busiest moms on the planet....and starts the day out worrying about me. I love my sweet friend!!

Deb:
My Deb could sense my somewhat broken spirit today and sets out for a big ole cheeseburger and hugs for lunch. The dairy bar was closed so that threw a kink in the plan....but she still showed up to bring lotsa love and lunch for us. This woman has jumped in with both feet and gone above and beyond the call of friendship for me. Will she ever know how much I love her and adore her precious family??? You bet I will live the rest of my healthy days trying to show her. God has His fingerprints all over this special woman and our friendship. Blessed we are for Deb!

Angela:
This crazy woman shows up and is emptying trash cans, vacuuming the floor and cleaning tubs. She knows my OCD side and is doing her best to keep this house in tact. She paid me a visit during my nap this afternoon, bringing her precious "Lucy in the sky with Diamonds" boxer to say hi to me! I can't possibly begin to list all the ways she has blessed us as my neighbor and precious friend.....but again, God has His hand in all things good. She brings me laughter through tears.....and friendship so rare. So very blessed!

Karen:
We have a "meal train" in which friends have signed up to bring us meals each night. That ole diet is totally out the window! Who knew my friends were such great cooks! :). My sweet sweet Karen, who usually leaves her little blessings "incognito"....by slipping in and out when we aren't here....brought us a wonderful dinner tonight. She stayed for a visit....unknowingly to her that I'd had such a hard day. She so lifted my spirits and encouraged me to slow down and listen to my body. I need to heal. I need to rest.

She has such a caring and sweet spirit about her. Her genuine caring nature has touched me in a way that I can't begin to describe. Another sweet way that God has met a need for us. She is simply an angel. More than anything, her company today brought me such comfort. She reminds me so much of my mother. And I needed that today!!

Countless others today alone have sent calls, texts, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Each and every one has been received with such a warmth in my heart. My family, friends, sisters in Chi Omega, church family, ball family, and even a stranger or 2 has taken the time to reach out to me and send me love and well wishes. My God has made sure that I ended this day knowing that I am not alone in this fight. He has many earthly angels in this battle with me.

My kiddos have been precious today. The reason for this fight. As I end this day....I am even thanking my God for the struggles of this day....for they led me to realizing the blessings hidden within them. Blessings in which I am forever grateful.....

In Him,
Terri