Ok....the whole purpose of this post is to totally talk myself out of this "woe is me" mood that I've gotten myself into. Wow! What a funk I'm in!! Please don't hold against me the whining and carrying on that is sure to follow! :) I began writing about my journey as a healing process to help myself through this. Today, I have sunk into such a state that can barely stand myself!! I'm just downright grouchy!!!
I guess I was in a state of denial about what kind of a major surgery I was having. I had planned to be a little sore, but back at work no later than today. I was back at work the next day after my lumpectomy and on the ball field that night! It just didn't happen today. On the "pain scale," today is probably my worst day.
Physically, I am very sore, the drains are extremely uncomfortable, I'm not able to sleep well, and I've been very sick to my stomach. Emotionally, I'm a mess. I desperately need to be working. As a single momma....that's a biggie. The bills don't stop because I am sick. I hate being a constant burden to others, and until I am released to drive....I've no choice.
The little things are driving me crazy! I can't shave under my arms....because it's too close to my wounds. I can't wash my hair because I can't get my upper body wet for a shower, and I can't raise my arms high enough to do my own (my sweet Syd is gonna try to help me with that one later!). I can't figure out what to wear that doesn't make me look like I did at age 12! I can barely even hug my kiddos because they are afraid of hurting me. I don't wanna take one kind of medicine because it hurts my tummy, and another kind makes me groggy, etc. etc. "Woe is me! Woe is me!".....this is me whining and stomping my foot and throwing a fit!! Darn it! I'm just grumpy!!!!
I'm completely blogging my entire experience.....the good, the bad, and today....the very ugly. I want to remember this whole journey and the way my Lord pulled me out of days like to today. I feel certain that He will! :)
So if ya don't mind, I feel the need to count a few of the day's blessings! As bad as today has been.... The blessings were still plentiful!!
Facebook:
Facebook has changed the world! Lordy! Has it ever changed mine! A few years ago, my Sam approached me about "getting a Facebook" and at his young age, I was reluctant. I opened an account myself to see what it was like, and to keep an eye on him. Before I knew it, I had reconnected with old friends that otherwise I might had never seen or talked to again. Friends from high school, college, family from miles off, etc. I quickly became addicted to networking and following my friends and keeping up with their daily lives.
Facebook sometimes gets a bad rap. And I must admit, deservingly so at times. There are those who use it as a source for drama....some who constantly complain.....some who use it as a "weapon" to hurt others in a cowardly sort of way. But as in life....there are a few "bad apples" in every bunch. For me, I try not to buy into that sort of thing and use it for it's true intention. I love sharing my life with my beautiful children and friends and being a part of others' who have chosen to share with me.
It is also a source of strength for me. Many times I've called out to my prayer warriors on FB, even for trivial things, and before I knew it, God was working right before my very eyes. I've also had the opportunity to pray for others and watch His never-ending work in them.
Since my diagnosis, Facebook has enabled me to get out good information to those who are concerned for us and been a place for them to reach out to me daily sending warm thoughts, unceasing prayers, and caring words. It would take me hours to count those who have reached out to me during my diagnosis and who continue to lift me up. In it's own way....that crazy little medium called "Facebook" is a blessing for us!!
Tootie & Chuck:
My Aunt Jan and Uncle Charles are the equivalent of "mom and dad" to me. Growing up, they lived next door to us and I'd usually be sitting on the front porch when she'd get home from work. She would bend down and tossle my hair and call me her "sweet Tootie". Soon she became my "Aunt Tootie" and it just stuck for all the kiddos after me.
Tootie & Chuck have survived the ultimate pain of any parent..., in the loss of their only child many years ago. "Sam" :))) was my favorite cousin back then and I thought he hung the moon. It was only fitting when I was carrying my first child, and pondering names from the Bible, that Samuel was the obvious choice.
Losing my mother at such a young age and she losing her Sam, we kinda migrated to a "mother-daughter" relationship. And my kiddos are her "grands"!! This is a perfect example of how our God works to place people where they need to be. Tootie and Chuck needed children and grandchildren to love.....and I certainly needed parents to fill a void. We have a special bond that is hard to describe.
They have been there for me throughout my years of growing up. Even when I've let them down or disappointed them....they have always been there for me. When I got my diagnosis and surgery date, they immediately made arrangements to be here. As my mother would have been. Definitely a blessing to us....my Tootie and Chuck. She just made her daily call to check on me....and hearing her voice was a highlight today.
Becca:
My day started out not the greatest today when it hit me early on that I wouldn't be heading into the office.....like clockwork....my phone rings. My Becca is on her way to work and called to check on me. Probably one of the busiest moms on the planet....and starts the day out worrying about me. I love my sweet friend!!
Deb:
My Deb could sense my somewhat broken spirit today and sets out for a big ole cheeseburger and hugs for lunch. The dairy bar was closed so that threw a kink in the plan....but she still showed up to bring lotsa love and lunch for us. This woman has jumped in with both feet and gone above and beyond the call of friendship for me. Will she ever know how much I love her and adore her precious family??? You bet I will live the rest of my healthy days trying to show her. God has His fingerprints all over this special woman and our friendship. Blessed we are for Deb!
Angela:
This crazy woman shows up and is emptying trash cans, vacuuming the floor and cleaning tubs. She knows my OCD side and is doing her best to keep this house in tact. She paid me a visit during my nap this afternoon, bringing her precious "Lucy in the sky with Diamonds" boxer to say hi to me! I can't possibly begin to list all the ways she has blessed us as my neighbor and precious friend.....but again, God has His hand in all things good. She brings me laughter through tears.....and friendship so rare. So very blessed!
Karen:
We have a "meal train" in which friends have signed up to bring us meals each night. That ole diet is totally out the window! Who knew my friends were such great cooks! :). My sweet sweet Karen, who usually leaves her little blessings "incognito"....by slipping in and out when we aren't here....brought us a wonderful dinner tonight. She stayed for a visit....unknowingly to her that I'd had such a hard day. She so lifted my spirits and encouraged me to slow down and listen to my body. I need to heal. I need to rest.
She has such a caring and sweet spirit about her. Her genuine caring nature has touched me in a way that I can't begin to describe. Another sweet way that God has met a need for us. She is simply an angel. More than anything, her company today brought me such comfort. She reminds me so much of my mother. And I needed that today!!
Countless others today alone have sent calls, texts, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Each and every one has been received with such a warmth in my heart. My family, friends, sisters in Chi Omega, church family, ball family, and even a stranger or 2 has taken the time to reach out to me and send me love and well wishes. My God has made sure that I ended this day knowing that I am not alone in this fight. He has many earthly angels in this battle with me.
My kiddos have been precious today. The reason for this fight. As I end this day....I am even thanking my God for the struggles of this day....for they led me to realizing the blessings hidden within them. Blessings in which I am forever grateful.....
In Him,
Terri
Monday, May 14, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day
It's very early this morning and I find myself creeping up my hallway hoping not to wake the kiddos or my zoo of animals (2 weenie dogs, a chihuahua, and a cat....yes! I'm absolutely crazy!) I have been dying to blog again....but haven't been able to since my surgery. Some of the medication affected my vision and I have been unable to see clearly enough to write. Please forgive me if you have texted or facebooked me and it has gone unanswered. So here we go for the update...
First, the GOOD NEWS:
NO CANCER ....I repeat....NO CANCER was found in my lymph nodes!!! God heard and answered our prayer!! Please stop reading....everyone.....and offer a Prayer of Thanksgiving for those results. A big win for our God and Team Terri! :) Praise HIM from whom all our blessings flow!
Checked into the hospital last Wednesday around 1..... Myself and my "entourage".....and so many that were there in spirit. I had worked part of the day, gotten the kiddos squared away to stay with the Edmondsons, (thank God for them!), ran a couple of errands, and was getting cranky since I hadn't been able to eat OR drink since midnight before. I had taken full advantage of the whole midnight thing.....at exactly 11:49 the night before, I was sitting in bed eating a burrito and cheese dip from Patron's.....:). My sweetie loves me!! Hehe
All my people were at the hospital to see me off....my David, my Tootie & Chuck (more on them later!), my brother and his precious wife....Jay & Leah, Ang, Deb, Jon (dawning his pink shirt & tie for the occasion), my Dad & Karyn. I kinda felt a little special that day! :)
They were a little ahead of schedule....and before I knew it I was in recovery....and my life was forever changed. Not sure I can put into words how this "cancer" has effected me. But it has. Boy....has it.
I cannot begin to list all the visitors I had during my 3 days in the hospital, and my time of recovery here at home. Inevitably I will leave someone out. My home looks like a showroom of "Tipton Hurst" with all of the beautiful flowers. And the diet is oh but just a "memory" with all the yummy food! :) God has placed us among so many caring and selfless friends. I will never be able to adequately thank some for all they have done!
Most of my hospital stay is foggy to me...I remember my requests for Cracker Barrel Mac & Cheese, Sonic Orange Slushes, and a diet coke here and there were met in record time! :). Visits from family, friends, church family, and even strangers to me who are now new friends....it was apparent to others how lucky and loved we are. I will spend the rest of my days being so grateful to so many for helping us, either by being with me....or loving my children while I couldn't be there....so many helped us through this time!
I've never really been sick or had surgery before. Tonsils out as a small child, tubes tied after Syd was born....other than breaking a few too many bones growing up....this surgery has been a new experience for me. Wasn't quite expecting the effect it's had both on my body and on my emotions.
I had expected to be on my feet by now, and heading back to work. For the first time EVER....my body isn't allowing me to do what I want and what I NEED to do! I'm still in more pain than I'd like to admit. And I'm not a "pill taker". It's finally occurring to me that I don't have to be a "hero" here....and that it's ok to take pain meds. I'm sticking with ibuprofen through the day and my prescriptions at night. Not able to do much other than hold down the recliner and work the remote! Haha
I don't think I have never really been a "vain" woman. Keeping my breasts at even a remote chance of keeping cancer was never an option for me. I just wasn't prepared for what I would see in the mirror. Complete disfigurement of my body.....and the source of this horrible pain. You see? You don't feel the "cancer"....you feel the "cure". I've heard this said many times in my life. I lived it with my precious mother. But, this is the first time it slapped me square in the face. I fear "bathtime" each day.....not because I have to have help....and all dignity is lost (haha).....but because I have to look down and in the mirror and see the "ugliness" that is left behind in fighting this horrible disease.
You can never prepare yourself for that. Not that my "boobs" were even CLOSE to a defining attribute of me, I know that it is what's INSIDE that counts, I know I'm eventually going to get NEW ones.....I just never expected the horror of what I would see and feel. You just can't prepare yourself for that. Nor can you get around these feelings I am having now.
I've spent my quiet time since my surgery in prayer. I've thought alot about my children and my family and my life ahead of me. While I got such great news on Friday.....I cant help but remember that my Mother's surgeon said those words to her too...."We think we got it all". And it came back.....with a vengeance. She, like me, had chemo as a "preventative"....just in case. I know that is Satan trying to shake my faith! That fear creeps in more often than I'd like to admit.
I want my life back dang it! I hate feeling grounded. I desperately need to work. I need to chase my kids. I need to get up each day and be a mom! Cancer just wasn't a part of my plan. :(. I thought I could be the exception and just float right through it and be a hero! My faith in myself is a bit shaken. But my faith in my God isn't.
I've seen so much love and friendship and genuine concern for us that I know we will win this fight. There is no other option....I've got quite a team....my God and I! :) The bracelet on my arm.....one side reading "Prayers for Terri"....and the other side "Phil.4:13".....reminds me outwardly of all the precious people praying for us. Reminds me of those out there graciously working to ease my worries. Reminds me that "I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me." So warms my heart to know that others are wearing these as well. Becca will never know what joy this has brought to us. Precious, precious friend she is.....
My Sydney and my Sam have been so strong and supportive this week. God has blessed me beyond measure with these two. We spent the day together laughing and watching bad TV! :) I know I'm not alone in this fight. And I know that I have so much to fight FOR! My David tells me a thousand times a day....how beautiful I am. Let me tell ya....right now? I'm nothing to look at! No make-up and a bedhead.....beauty TRULY has to be on the "inside". Haha. He has been my rock. Waited on me hand and foot. Has reassured me over and over that we are in this together....God really DID give me you, David.
All of my sweet family and friends who check on me every day...the cards, texts, calls, meals, flowers......I will never be able to adequately thank everyone for all the kindness shown to us.
I so wish I could talk to my mom today. I know in my walk with the Lord, I am promised Heaven and will one day share the arms of Jesus with her. My focus this Mother's Day is to be everything she would want me to be to my children......and more. I love and miss you Mom.
First, the GOOD NEWS:
NO CANCER ....I repeat....NO CANCER was found in my lymph nodes!!! God heard and answered our prayer!! Please stop reading....everyone.....and offer a Prayer of Thanksgiving for those results. A big win for our God and Team Terri! :) Praise HIM from whom all our blessings flow!
Checked into the hospital last Wednesday around 1..... Myself and my "entourage".....and so many that were there in spirit. I had worked part of the day, gotten the kiddos squared away to stay with the Edmondsons, (thank God for them!), ran a couple of errands, and was getting cranky since I hadn't been able to eat OR drink since midnight before. I had taken full advantage of the whole midnight thing.....at exactly 11:49 the night before, I was sitting in bed eating a burrito and cheese dip from Patron's.....:). My sweetie loves me!! Hehe
All my people were at the hospital to see me off....my David, my Tootie & Chuck (more on them later!), my brother and his precious wife....Jay & Leah, Ang, Deb, Jon (dawning his pink shirt & tie for the occasion), my Dad & Karyn. I kinda felt a little special that day! :)
They were a little ahead of schedule....and before I knew it I was in recovery....and my life was forever changed. Not sure I can put into words how this "cancer" has effected me. But it has. Boy....has it.
I cannot begin to list all the visitors I had during my 3 days in the hospital, and my time of recovery here at home. Inevitably I will leave someone out. My home looks like a showroom of "Tipton Hurst" with all of the beautiful flowers. And the diet is oh but just a "memory" with all the yummy food! :) God has placed us among so many caring and selfless friends. I will never be able to adequately thank some for all they have done!
Most of my hospital stay is foggy to me...I remember my requests for Cracker Barrel Mac & Cheese, Sonic Orange Slushes, and a diet coke here and there were met in record time! :). Visits from family, friends, church family, and even strangers to me who are now new friends....it was apparent to others how lucky and loved we are. I will spend the rest of my days being so grateful to so many for helping us, either by being with me....or loving my children while I couldn't be there....so many helped us through this time!
I've never really been sick or had surgery before. Tonsils out as a small child, tubes tied after Syd was born....other than breaking a few too many bones growing up....this surgery has been a new experience for me. Wasn't quite expecting the effect it's had both on my body and on my emotions.
I had expected to be on my feet by now, and heading back to work. For the first time EVER....my body isn't allowing me to do what I want and what I NEED to do! I'm still in more pain than I'd like to admit. And I'm not a "pill taker". It's finally occurring to me that I don't have to be a "hero" here....and that it's ok to take pain meds. I'm sticking with ibuprofen through the day and my prescriptions at night. Not able to do much other than hold down the recliner and work the remote! Haha
I don't think I have never really been a "vain" woman. Keeping my breasts at even a remote chance of keeping cancer was never an option for me. I just wasn't prepared for what I would see in the mirror. Complete disfigurement of my body.....and the source of this horrible pain. You see? You don't feel the "cancer"....you feel the "cure". I've heard this said many times in my life. I lived it with my precious mother. But, this is the first time it slapped me square in the face. I fear "bathtime" each day.....not because I have to have help....and all dignity is lost (haha).....but because I have to look down and in the mirror and see the "ugliness" that is left behind in fighting this horrible disease.
You can never prepare yourself for that. Not that my "boobs" were even CLOSE to a defining attribute of me, I know that it is what's INSIDE that counts, I know I'm eventually going to get NEW ones.....I just never expected the horror of what I would see and feel. You just can't prepare yourself for that. Nor can you get around these feelings I am having now.
I've spent my quiet time since my surgery in prayer. I've thought alot about my children and my family and my life ahead of me. While I got such great news on Friday.....I cant help but remember that my Mother's surgeon said those words to her too...."We think we got it all". And it came back.....with a vengeance. She, like me, had chemo as a "preventative"....just in case. I know that is Satan trying to shake my faith! That fear creeps in more often than I'd like to admit.
I want my life back dang it! I hate feeling grounded. I desperately need to work. I need to chase my kids. I need to get up each day and be a mom! Cancer just wasn't a part of my plan. :(. I thought I could be the exception and just float right through it and be a hero! My faith in myself is a bit shaken. But my faith in my God isn't.
I've seen so much love and friendship and genuine concern for us that I know we will win this fight. There is no other option....I've got quite a team....my God and I! :) The bracelet on my arm.....one side reading "Prayers for Terri"....and the other side "Phil.4:13".....reminds me outwardly of all the precious people praying for us. Reminds me of those out there graciously working to ease my worries. Reminds me that "I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me." So warms my heart to know that others are wearing these as well. Becca will never know what joy this has brought to us. Precious, precious friend she is.....
My Sydney and my Sam have been so strong and supportive this week. God has blessed me beyond measure with these two. We spent the day together laughing and watching bad TV! :) I know I'm not alone in this fight. And I know that I have so much to fight FOR! My David tells me a thousand times a day....how beautiful I am. Let me tell ya....right now? I'm nothing to look at! No make-up and a bedhead.....beauty TRULY has to be on the "inside". Haha. He has been my rock. Waited on me hand and foot. Has reassured me over and over that we are in this together....God really DID give me you, David.
All of my sweet family and friends who check on me every day...the cards, texts, calls, meals, flowers......I will never be able to adequately thank everyone for all the kindness shown to us.
I so wish I could talk to my mom today. I know in my walk with the Lord, I am promised Heaven and will one day share the arms of Jesus with her. My focus this Mother's Day is to be everything she would want me to be to my children......and more. I love and miss you Mom.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Voice of Truth
You will find that alot of my blogs will include music. Praise music touches me almost as much as anything. Its amazing to me how God uses these artists to touch me so many times throughout my day with a song that is fitting for that moment in time. Its such a big part of my worship....and such a big part of my "closeness" to Jesus that a blog without it wouldn't be "me"! The kids and I just shout the words ......as IF we could carry a tune in a bucket! hahaha But the bible doesn't say "Sing beautifully".....it says, "Make a joyful noise!"....right?? :)) That...my friends we do!!!
Please do NOT keep reading until you watch this video in its entirety and listen to the lyrics.....:))
(Feel free to sing along.....this is a favorite of ours in the car!....Even if others are listening! hehe)
"Voice Of Truth"
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth......
I guess we all have our "waves" crashing against us. In the form of conflict, past mistakes, sometimes silliness and nonsense that mean little in the grand scheme of things. We all have our "giants".....those things standing in between us and God. Some giants are necessary (money, career, busy lives, etc.), some are out of our control (illness, loss of loved ones, etc.). Satan works awfully hard to strategically place conflict so that we turn to things other than our Lord.
Boy how true the lyrics are.....The voice of truth....tells us a different story. The voice of truth....says "DO NOT BE AFRAID!" I saw a little saying somewhere yesterday that said...."Do not fear tomorrow....God is already there.". Well friends....Im struggling today. I fear nearly EVERYTHING about tomorrow. But as my sweet Shane told me today, faith and fear cannot occupy the same space. Her words hit me right between the eyes.....Like I said in the beginning, this cancer doesn't know MY God! :)
I know that my choice to be aggressive is absolutely the right one. Of course, Im a little nervous about the procedure, the upcoming "pain" and body changes that are to follow. In many ways, I'm feeling that I'm being robbed of my womanhood. That has a sting. And here we are at the "unknown" again. They will be testing the lymph nodes for possible spreading. Within those results lie alot of answers regarding my future treatment. Unanswered questions and the waiting....not good on this ole "control freak"! :) I've just been a basket case.....
When I thought I would go over the edge, I received such beautiful flowers, the sweetest card ever and a visit from my sweet friend, Dione. Her words were a comfort. She let me cry...and cried with me. God places people in just the right places at just the perfect time. A simply precious lady. I truly believe in His perfect placement of the friends I have in our lives!
Wasn't the last time I would cry today. Sweet Deb and my precious Ash suprised me at the office a little later with a bag of goodies.....Comfy "jammies"......and of course hugs and encouragement. Got home to find a sack on my door with MORE comfy PJs from sweet Karen.....My dear friend, Robert beautiful flowers, and a special card. My sweet friend, Michele, brought us a delicious supper. Was a hit for sure! I just kept getting subtle reminders of all the angels God has placed around me. Funny I don't feel like I am adequately thanking those around me.
The ways friends and strangers alike have come to our aid.....and eased burdens for me. Those who just sneak in and out and I never even know "who" to thank. Even other "single moms" who have stepped up to help possibly causing stress on them to do so. People taking time to cook for us....help me with rides for the kids. The list is endless of those who love us and would never dream of keeping score.....As sweet Jon said tonight.....I'll be "armed for Team Terri"! Wow, I feel like with THIS team....this ole giant better watch out! :)
Again...."Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. James 1:17 God is movin in my life!!! I've added to my prayers that I am gracious ENOUGH to those who are doing so much. I so feel like I've fallen short.
Then tonight....my little crew.....David, Sonya, Gina and Shane and my new friend Degan, took me to dinner.....and dawned pink shirts that said "Real Women don't NEED 2nd base! After some contraversy getting them made of what "base" I'm having removed.....hehe.....we shared some hugs and laughs.
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth......
I guess we all have our "waves" crashing against us. In the form of conflict, past mistakes, sometimes silliness and nonsense that mean little in the grand scheme of things. We all have our "giants".....those things standing in between us and God. Some giants are necessary (money, career, busy lives, etc.), some are out of our control (illness, loss of loved ones, etc.). Satan works awfully hard to strategically place conflict so that we turn to things other than our Lord.
Boy how true the lyrics are.....The voice of truth....tells us a different story. The voice of truth....says "DO NOT BE AFRAID!" I saw a little saying somewhere yesterday that said...."Do not fear tomorrow....God is already there.". Well friends....Im struggling today. I fear nearly EVERYTHING about tomorrow. But as my sweet Shane told me today, faith and fear cannot occupy the same space. Her words hit me right between the eyes.....Like I said in the beginning, this cancer doesn't know MY God! :)
I know that my choice to be aggressive is absolutely the right one. Of course, Im a little nervous about the procedure, the upcoming "pain" and body changes that are to follow. In many ways, I'm feeling that I'm being robbed of my womanhood. That has a sting. And here we are at the "unknown" again. They will be testing the lymph nodes for possible spreading. Within those results lie alot of answers regarding my future treatment. Unanswered questions and the waiting....not good on this ole "control freak"! :) I've just been a basket case.....
When I thought I would go over the edge, I received such beautiful flowers, the sweetest card ever and a visit from my sweet friend, Dione. Her words were a comfort. She let me cry...and cried with me. God places people in just the right places at just the perfect time. A simply precious lady. I truly believe in His perfect placement of the friends I have in our lives!
Wasn't the last time I would cry today. Sweet Deb and my precious Ash suprised me at the office a little later with a bag of goodies.....Comfy "jammies"......and of course hugs and encouragement. Got home to find a sack on my door with MORE comfy PJs from sweet Karen.....My dear friend, Robert beautiful flowers, and a special card. My sweet friend, Michele, brought us a delicious supper. Was a hit for sure! I just kept getting subtle reminders of all the angels God has placed around me. Funny I don't feel like I am adequately thanking those around me.
The ways friends and strangers alike have come to our aid.....and eased burdens for me. Those who just sneak in and out and I never even know "who" to thank. Even other "single moms" who have stepped up to help possibly causing stress on them to do so. People taking time to cook for us....help me with rides for the kids. The list is endless of those who love us and would never dream of keeping score.....As sweet Jon said tonight.....I'll be "armed for Team Terri"! Wow, I feel like with THIS team....this ole giant better watch out! :)
Again...."Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. James 1:17 God is movin in my life!!! I've added to my prayers that I am gracious ENOUGH to those who are doing so much. I so feel like I've fallen short.
Then tonight....my little crew.....David, Sonya, Gina and Shane and my new friend Degan, took me to dinner.....and dawned pink shirts that said "Real Women don't NEED 2nd base! After some contraversy getting them made of what "base" I'm having removed.....hehe.....we shared some hugs and laughs.
I've had some up and down moments today. But one thing has remained true. My "Voices" of truth. Some in the form of phone calls, some in the form of texts. I will have an entourage of people around me tomorrow with family and friends coming to be with me. And I know and feel the thoughts and prayers of many others. A simple "I love you sis" came from my brother just moments ago. And a chat with my Becca Boo.
Cancer is like looking down the barrel of a gun. But you are not sure if that gun is loaded. Or if the "safety" is on. Its scary. And for lack of better words....Cancer just sucks. But I do know this.....when you face something that could take your life head on.....you realize what "life" is all about. Its about love. Its about forgiveness. Its about kindness. Its about always lifting others up. Its about realizing we are human.....and as humans we are not perfect. Its about our children. And always putting them before ourselves.
Its about living in His image. Not about pettiness, jealousy, revenge, or drama. The Voice of Truth tells me a different story.......We don't know how many earthly days we have here on this earth. We must remember that love is patient....and most of all kind. Cherish your friendships. Say "I love you" and say it too often. The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid"......
Before heading for some snuggle time with my kiddos....Here are details for tomorrow:
I check into Baptist at 1:00. Surgery at 3:00. Dr. James Hagans is my surgeon....please pray for his hands and my healing.
I am expected to be in surgery about 2 hours. And then recovery for about an hour. I will then be admitted to the Women's floor for a couple of days.
The kids' dad will be picking them up from school and bringing them to the hospital.
I once said that I am so blessed to have family who are friends and friends who are family. How blessed we are.
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
In Him,
Terri
Monday "Fun Day"
Happy Monday friends! What a pretty good day......
Full Day at the office......skipped my lunch hour so I could leave a tad early. Syd and I ran to Little Rock for my hair appointment. Sweet Leah.....what a doll she is! So enjoyed our visit. She made me blonde (instead of gray!) again, trimmed me up.....trimmed Syd up....and exchanged hugs. Simply precious....she would not let me pay. Another sweet gift from a wonderful lady. Just love her!
Syd and I ran through Old Navy real quick....hoping to find a soft pair of "jammie pants" for my hospital stay. No luck. So came on home empty handed. I thought PJs were a STAPLE at Old Navy?? They didn't have any!
Got home to find the most beautful flowers!! These were straight out of Karen Yarberry's yard! And of course the most beautiful note with it.
Also, came home to Yum-MY roast, potatoes and carrots, and biscuits! Sweet Angela had dinner for us. Talk about feeling special!! Between those three ladies and my Syd.....I was feelin the love today! :))
My Sydney Clare:
Boy do I just love that child!! Funny how you can have 2 children....raise them the same way and they be totally different. Most of the time, we call her "Hurricane Syd" -- when she "blows through", everyone and everything in her path knows she has been there! :) The thing is....she is my "mini-me." In every sense of the word. She looks like me, but she also has my mannerisms, my disposition, my "bossiness".....Lord, am I paying for my raising! :)
I'm poking fun....but in all seriousness....she is precious to me. We had such a great time today. Talking and laughing. Yes, we talked about the cancer. We talked about genetics.....and how important it is for her to know her body....even at 13. But we also talked about life and love.....and the Lord and how our miracle is within reach. We are hanging on to Dr. Hagan's words, "this is absolutely curable".....and to God's promise to us that we are indeed safe in HIS arms.
She is being very brave....but I know she is scared. She is like me in that she just knows that the absolute worst probably won't happen to us. We pray together as a family...and she knows we serve a mighty God! She is a "worrier" and has a lot of little worries for a little girl.....with my issues and friends around her.
Sydney is a counselor's aide at BMS this year. She has struck up a close friendship with "Ms. Jonna" who works in the counselor's office. Ms Jonna has and is still facing some of the same challenges with her mother that I am. I think God strategically placed my Sydney in her company to provide comfort at school when I can't be there. She just worries about her friend. I hope Ms Jonna knows how precious she is to Sydney. We are praying hard for her mom as well. Another blessing in disguise.
She has another of her best friends that is facing a health obstacle as well. This child has literally been God's gift to my Sydney. In fact, her whole family is a blessing straight from the man upstairs to us!! Sydney attended elementary school at Salem....which happens to be in the Bryant School District. In 6th grade, we moved her to Benton School District. While she had a handful of friends already, she was a bit anxious in coming to new school with new people. This child befriended Sydney immediately and while they don't "appear" to have much in common.....she is a "sporty" girl....and Syd is NOT! hehe We dance. :) Even so, they are best buddies with never a conflict.
She is a precious precious child. I don't want to divulge much detail without permission....but please keep this sweet little child of God in your prayers...especially May 14. Words cannot express what this little girl means to my Sydney....and what her beautiful family means to us.
In addition, please pray specifically for my Sydney....and Sam too. This week and this journey is a tough one on them. I love these children with all I have. And fighting for THEM with all I have.
I have several friends going through many struggles....be it financial, marital, medical, kiddos' graduating and leaving the nest, etc etc. etc. Please please pray for them. God knows their specific needs. Ok, I know I sound a little "needy" tonight! hehehe But they are all so precious to me.....and it hit me tonight as I was placing pictures in a "friend frame" tonight of all the wonderful special friends in my life. As I placed their pictures in the frame.....I prayed for each of them.
Call me crazy....but I've even set my alarm on my phone to go off every two hours....reminding me to pray for certain friends and their needs. We schedule everything else in our lives....why not prayer????
Finally, nerves are beginning to set in....so please throw my name up there too. :)
Much love in Him,
Terri
Full Day at the office......skipped my lunch hour so I could leave a tad early. Syd and I ran to Little Rock for my hair appointment. Sweet Leah.....what a doll she is! So enjoyed our visit. She made me blonde (instead of gray!) again, trimmed me up.....trimmed Syd up....and exchanged hugs. Simply precious....she would not let me pay. Another sweet gift from a wonderful lady. Just love her!
Syd and I ran through Old Navy real quick....hoping to find a soft pair of "jammie pants" for my hospital stay. No luck. So came on home empty handed. I thought PJs were a STAPLE at Old Navy?? They didn't have any!
Also, came home to Yum-MY roast, potatoes and carrots, and biscuits! Sweet Angela had dinner for us. Talk about feeling special!! Between those three ladies and my Syd.....I was feelin the love today! :))
My Sydney Clare:
Boy do I just love that child!! Funny how you can have 2 children....raise them the same way and they be totally different. Most of the time, we call her "Hurricane Syd" -- when she "blows through", everyone and everything in her path knows she has been there! :) The thing is....she is my "mini-me." In every sense of the word. She looks like me, but she also has my mannerisms, my disposition, my "bossiness".....Lord, am I paying for my raising! :)
I'm poking fun....but in all seriousness....she is precious to me. We had such a great time today. Talking and laughing. Yes, we talked about the cancer. We talked about genetics.....and how important it is for her to know her body....even at 13. But we also talked about life and love.....and the Lord and how our miracle is within reach. We are hanging on to Dr. Hagan's words, "this is absolutely curable".....and to God's promise to us that we are indeed safe in HIS arms.
She is being very brave....but I know she is scared. She is like me in that she just knows that the absolute worst probably won't happen to us. We pray together as a family...and she knows we serve a mighty God! She is a "worrier" and has a lot of little worries for a little girl.....with my issues and friends around her.
Sydney is a counselor's aide at BMS this year. She has struck up a close friendship with "Ms. Jonna" who works in the counselor's office. Ms Jonna has and is still facing some of the same challenges with her mother that I am. I think God strategically placed my Sydney in her company to provide comfort at school when I can't be there. She just worries about her friend. I hope Ms Jonna knows how precious she is to Sydney. We are praying hard for her mom as well. Another blessing in disguise.
She has another of her best friends that is facing a health obstacle as well. This child has literally been God's gift to my Sydney. In fact, her whole family is a blessing straight from the man upstairs to us!! Sydney attended elementary school at Salem....which happens to be in the Bryant School District. In 6th grade, we moved her to Benton School District. While she had a handful of friends already, she was a bit anxious in coming to new school with new people. This child befriended Sydney immediately and while they don't "appear" to have much in common.....she is a "sporty" girl....and Syd is NOT! hehe We dance. :) Even so, they are best buddies with never a conflict.
She is a precious precious child. I don't want to divulge much detail without permission....but please keep this sweet little child of God in your prayers...especially May 14. Words cannot express what this little girl means to my Sydney....and what her beautiful family means to us.
In addition, please pray specifically for my Sydney....and Sam too. This week and this journey is a tough one on them. I love these children with all I have. And fighting for THEM with all I have.
I have several friends going through many struggles....be it financial, marital, medical, kiddos' graduating and leaving the nest, etc etc. etc. Please please pray for them. God knows their specific needs. Ok, I know I sound a little "needy" tonight! hehehe But they are all so precious to me.....and it hit me tonight as I was placing pictures in a "friend frame" tonight of all the wonderful special friends in my life. As I placed their pictures in the frame.....I prayed for each of them.
Call me crazy....but I've even set my alarm on my phone to go off every two hours....reminding me to pray for certain friends and their needs. We schedule everything else in our lives....why not prayer????
Finally, nerves are beginning to set in....so please throw my name up there too. :)
Much love in Him,
Terri
Monday, May 7, 2012
Safe in His Arms
Safe In His Arms
Shew! What a Sunday! This day was filled to the max!!! We were a bit out of routine this morning....because duty called for us to work at the baseball field today. Had intentions of going to early service and failed to set my clock! Ugggggg......Life happens sometimes. Thank goodness for FBC-TV! Don't like not starting my week out without Pastor Rick's message.
I spent some quiet time to myself this morning....and when I turned on the Radio...."Safe in His Arms" was playing. While a beautiful song.....boy what a message! Reflecting back on the day....I was in and out of the car several times running around today, and nearly each time....the same song was playing. I'm starting to not believe in "circumstance" or "conincidence".....I'm thinkin that the good Lord was slapping me in the head with his reminder to me today...."I am safe in His arms." So thought I'd share.....we are ALL safe there.
We headed to the ballpark mid-morning to work concession stand for our "shift." While I knew that they were doing this....I was still suprised with the first thing I saw....
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I was immediately reminded of how lucky we are to be surrounded by such loving people....everywhere we go. Friends AND strangers. I had to excuse myself to the restroom immediately for a few minutes to wipe a few tears. We are truly blessed!
The concession stand was dead for a bit, so I was able to visit with a few buddies, my Syd, and my David.
Poor David has worked day and night for nearly a week....so we've had little time to visit.
Was able to visit for a minute with my dear friend Kim and hug HER neck as she is heading in tomorrow for a procedure herself. Of course, she approached me more worried about ME than about herself. Prayer warriors, please, please lift her up also. As I told her and her sweet family as they were leaving...."Take care of her...she is precious cargo!"! They are a beautiful, precious, precious family.
After our shift, I ran to clean a house so that I could get it done before surgery. Worked out that the owners were gone on vacation so I could clean over the weekend. Leave it to ME to get the "garage code" mixed up with the "alarm code" -- set off deafening alarms and end up looking at a Sheriff's deputy!! Luckily, he found me with nothing in my hands but Pine-sol and a mop so he didn't haul me off to jail. I think my "blonde moments" are going to land me on the show "Punked" one of these days!! :)
Finished up the house, and ran to clean an office that I do weekly. Made it in the door, thank goodness! without any issues. Finally headed home with intentions of doing a few chores in preparation for the week. Sam was headed to Arkadelphia to sing with Pure Energy. Got home and found that my Sydney had cleaned the house! God love her! It was a nice suprise....and such a loving act. I was a little tired....and her gift gave me more than a clean house....a much needed NAP! :)
I woke up to dinner cooked by my sweet David. Grilled ribs, pan fried potatoes, and my favorite....mac & cheese! Yum! Not sure how I'm maintaining the weight loss with all my surpise treats....but that meal is WORTH being fat for! haha Suprise visit from Chuck, Deb and sweet Ashlyn. In a million years, I cannot tell you how much I love the Shamlins!!! I will never be able to go "tit for tat" with them. They have helped me way beyond measure too many times to count!
Also had a quick little visit from Ang as she brought my Sambo home.....was so nice to hear about Pure Energy and how they had such a wonderful trip tonight. As always, we shared a couple of laughs before I settled in for the night.
As I got everyone down, and crawled into bed.....received a call from my Dad. Was nice to hear about his recent fishing trips....and just chit chat. I think I even got him so bring me some Crappie that he has caught! Lord....just help me to cook it! hahaha
I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about this week. I know that it is necessary for my healing. I know that I am "safe" in His arms. But I'm nervous....and I don't like to be away from the kids. My Sam has struggled a bit in Algebra this year. He has is big end of the course test this week.....both Tues and Wed. This will determine if he can receive high school credit for the course or if he has to take again. I know he is anxious and the timing stinks. The second day of the test falls on surgery day for me. Please send up extra prayers for me that he can do his very best!!! Pray that the Lord can comfort him and calm his thoughts and mind to do well.
I would also like to ask for prayers for another friend, Gina. She took a fall and is thnking she may have broken an ankle. She is a nurse, a single mom who happens to be flying to her son's college graduation in a week. A broken ankle just doesn't need to be in the cards right now! Please pray for comfort and healing for her as well.
We should end this upcoming week with more answers and steps for the game plan. Please pray for us as more news is revealed. Please pray that my recovery time is fast so that I can get back to work quickly and be the busy mom I have to be! As always....Just please pray for me and my babies....
Much love to you all,
Terri
Sunday, May 6, 2012
My "Pretty Close to Perfect" Saturday
What a long but truly wonderful day. Started at 7:00 am this morning..... and I JUST crawled into bed a little after 1 am to blog about the day.
"Girls' Day" w/Becca & Syd:
Spent most of the day with my Becca. Today was kind of a "holiday" for her.....Hurricane Lake Estates was having their Neighborhood Garage Sale! :) She picked me up and we headed out....our strategy in place to find our bargains. We each found a few (even a bite of breakfast at one - these folks have got it goin ON over here!) ....and then headed out to Little Rock for an impromptu trip to Hobby Lobby to get supplies for her latest "Pinterest" projects.
Hobby Lobby:
Not sure I've told Becca this....but in ways she reminds me of my mom with her "craftiness." My mother ALWAYS had a project going.....whatever the trend was at the time. She sewed, did ceramics (I believe the most BEAUTIFUL nativity scene ever is still on display at West Helena UMC each Christmas that she made.), made wreaths, floral arrangements, etc. I remember the era in the early 90's when everything was "country blue and mauve", the little bunnies with the floppy ears were popular. That momma of mine made hundreds of those!
Anyway, as many know....I am NOT really crafty like my mom. I used to tell her that "There are people like you who MAKE things.....and people like me who BUY things. And the world needs BOTH kinds of people! :)" Truth is, I never needed to be crafty....I had HER! hehe She was the one that always made the cutest teacher gifts, classroom treats, Sunday school crafts, etc. etc. I have sure missed her during science fair projects and classroom parties for sure!
I remember as a child growing up in Newport, we didn't have many places to shop there other than Wal-mart, so for shopping we usually made trips to Jonesboro or Little Rock. Never failed....my mom would ALWAYS find a Hobby Lobby or a Michaels to drag me around in for hours. About the equivilent to Lowe's or Home Depot for most women. Torture!!!! Seems like then it was ONLY craft stuff....and Bor---ing!
Hobby Lobby now is a lot different....lots of home decor items, picture frames, furniture, and such, and I really enjoy it. But my Becca had me in sections that I rarely go in.....the fabric, the scrapbooking, etc etc etc. As I stood back....knowing absolutely NOTHING about what craft she is attempting.....and being NO help to her at all....I reminisced about the days of coming with my mom. Kinda found a little peace in that. Funny how the Lord works in small ways. My friend had zero clue about all of this. But it did wonders for my spirits. I've joked before on those "I wany Momma days" that needed to go find a "Big Gulp" diet coke and find a "Hobby Lobby" somewhere! She had no idea that when we picked up Syd, and ran through Sonic for our Route 44's before heading to that "dreaded store" haha that she was placing me a place close to my mom. Thank you Becca.....:)
312:
After a couple of stops in LR....we headed back to Benton, picked up Becca's new younges daughter, Allie (who is simply PRE-CIOUS!!), from a friends and headed to her boutique to pick up my CD from her photo shoot. (Btw, I LOVE my pics.....Here is my favorite ("Becca's pose"hehe):
.....God bless Tia Wind!) Our original plan was to check out some wig places in hopes of finding me something for later down the road. Just wasn't up to it today. :( That will be for another day. That, and the fact that if they tried to match me today....would have been bad hair and a Nike ball cap! So that will be another trip.
OMGoodness, I LOVE 312!!!. So many unique items that are truly affordable. I hadn't been in there in a while, since my current budget doesn't allow much for extras, but while we were there, she was showing me her new room and all her pretty things. We girls had a fun time trying on clothes and "bling".....She sent me home with a few things that I will be able to use after my surgery. Thinking I will need some loose fitting items after surgery until I can have my reconstruction. Even a pretty little dress for Syd. And "styled" me for the big evening tonight. Another way she is like my mom.....taking care of me whether I like it or not! :) Becca.....I love you MORE! :))
Uneventful Afternoon:
Becca dropped us off at the house mid-afternoon. Syd was a tad grumpy and like most mother-daughters we exchanged a few words....Lord the teenage years! and the teenage MOUTH! It didn't last long....but I realize we butt heads because we are so much alike. I love that child more than life itself. I'll save writing about my love for her for another blog..... but she is definately my BFF!!! :)
Love and Chi-Omega:
Checked the mail, and received yet another card from one of my Chi-0 sisters. I've gotten one every single day this week from sisters I haven't seen since the day I left ASU. Talk about tears. Facebook messages, emails, cards......not a day has gone by since my diagnosis that I've not heard from one of them. I'm so thankful to the "Chi O birdie" that passed the word (Jana!! :)) and each gesture has so warmed my heart. I've felt your love and prayers down deep in my soul. Thanks and sending my love to you ALLLL!!! (and BTW, have you girls noticed all the "Owl" stuff out these days????? Love it!)
My Mamaw and Papaw:
Another suprise came in the mail today....
My mother's parents are the epitome of "Mamaw and Papaws". Loving Christian examples and have ALWAYS been two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. In spite of the two hour travel time, I saw them often growing up, and would always find them in the audience of the big events in my life, and most of the small ones. Been married 65 years, out-lived two of their three children, in church everytime the doors are opened (in fact, I think for the majority of my life....my Papaw was the one who OPENED the doors ....and made the coffee), and always have remained faithful Christ servants. The example of EVERYTHING I hope to be. Im embarrassed that I don't check on them more....or visit more often. Sometimes "life" just happens...but I think of them every single day.
I received in the mail....a sweet note from my Mamaw, and a copy of the following which I couldn't wait to share on my blog. It was given to my Papaw from his doctor last week, and was insistant that she send it to me, and the thanks she is given for the fact that I, too, have a Christian doctor.
Suprise Visit:
There is a young man that has become a special part of our family for the last couple of years.....Aaron. My Aaron is the epitome of what I'd like my son to be. A vibrant, funny, God-loving young man. He graduated from Benton last year and is working and a college student now, but is one of my son's best buddies. There is no doubt in my mind that Aaron has played a major part of my Sam's walk toward the Lord in many ways. He is simply precious to us.
I've called on Aaron many times.....to babysit, carpool, dog-sit, house-sit. You name it. Our families have had so many good times and memories, way too many to name. I love he and his brothers like they are my own. Anyone who has ever come in contact with this young man will never forget him or his "deep down in the belly laugh"....and the smile is ALWAYS wearing! Can ya tell I just LOVE this child??????
He also shares my "bad luck" with automobile maintenance! hahaha If fact, not long ago he was with us as we took a stroll, after my car left us sitting on the road. Never complained....turned into quite a fun evening! hahahaha
I rushed to grab Sam a haircut, came home and showered, and as I was drying my hair for the "shin dig" tonight, Aaron calls my cell to let me know he is IN my driveway. Was closeby having car trouble, and he came to the house to fix the problem. A simple fix....thank goodness....I was able to provide him with my water hose.....but he provided me with a big ole Aaron hug and a big ole Aaron smile! We love our Aaron!
Gino's:
One word....wow! Just Sayin' is a band that plays locally around our area. Mostly Classic Rock, Country rock.....always a fun time and fun group when they play. My friend Kim (Aaron's mom!) sings in the band and I always love hearing her sing! I used to feel like a "Just Sayin" groupie.....due to the fact that most of their "gigs" are "kid-friendly" we would go alot. Kim contacted me late in the week to let me know that they were playing tonight and that they were foregoing cover charges to accept donation for the children and I.
I was touched beyond words. And excited that the kids and I could have an evening out with friends prior to kicking off this "cancer thing" next week. Just Sayin always has a fantastic following and draws a good crowd....but I never imagined and was so touched by not only the wonderful friends that came out to support us, but the strangers there "for the band" that generously gave to our cause. I will never be able to adequately thank those who have helped us......"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:17
More important than that....I laughed more than I had in weeks!!! Boy, do I have some crazy friends! We appropriately named this event...."the Bye Bye Boobie Bash!" haha We planned a huge party for the "unveiling" of the new ones down the road. I clarified over and over not "literally" of course! :) We danced, we sang, we laughed, we enjoyed our children and their friends! I got hugs and prayers from once strangers and now new friends. Well wishes and comforting words from the "village" that God has placed me in. I am starting to understand now how God's plan for me is absolutely perfect in His eyes.
I am posting a few pictures from the evening on my facebook.....as memories were made for the children and I that will last a lifetime! Others took picture for me too.....so I can't wait to post those as well!
In closing tonight.....I saw a quote today (on a plaque at Hobby Lobby!) that felt like it slapped me right in the forehead! "Don't just count the days.....Make the days count." Boy, how true.
Please honor my request for un-ceasing prayers for the kiddos and I.
Much love,
Terri
"Girls' Day" w/Becca & Syd:
Spent most of the day with my Becca. Today was kind of a "holiday" for her.....Hurricane Lake Estates was having their Neighborhood Garage Sale! :) She picked me up and we headed out....our strategy in place to find our bargains. We each found a few (even a bite of breakfast at one - these folks have got it goin ON over here!) ....and then headed out to Little Rock for an impromptu trip to Hobby Lobby to get supplies for her latest "Pinterest" projects.
Hobby Lobby:
Not sure I've told Becca this....but in ways she reminds me of my mom with her "craftiness." My mother ALWAYS had a project going.....whatever the trend was at the time. She sewed, did ceramics (I believe the most BEAUTIFUL nativity scene ever is still on display at West Helena UMC each Christmas that she made.), made wreaths, floral arrangements, etc. I remember the era in the early 90's when everything was "country blue and mauve", the little bunnies with the floppy ears were popular. That momma of mine made hundreds of those!
Anyway, as many know....I am NOT really crafty like my mom. I used to tell her that "There are people like you who MAKE things.....and people like me who BUY things. And the world needs BOTH kinds of people! :)" Truth is, I never needed to be crafty....I had HER! hehe She was the one that always made the cutest teacher gifts, classroom treats, Sunday school crafts, etc. etc. I have sure missed her during science fair projects and classroom parties for sure!
I remember as a child growing up in Newport, we didn't have many places to shop there other than Wal-mart, so for shopping we usually made trips to Jonesboro or Little Rock. Never failed....my mom would ALWAYS find a Hobby Lobby or a Michaels to drag me around in for hours. About the equivilent to Lowe's or Home Depot for most women. Torture!!!! Seems like then it was ONLY craft stuff....and Bor---ing!
Hobby Lobby now is a lot different....lots of home decor items, picture frames, furniture, and such, and I really enjoy it. But my Becca had me in sections that I rarely go in.....the fabric, the scrapbooking, etc etc etc. As I stood back....knowing absolutely NOTHING about what craft she is attempting.....and being NO help to her at all....I reminisced about the days of coming with my mom. Kinda found a little peace in that. Funny how the Lord works in small ways. My friend had zero clue about all of this. But it did wonders for my spirits. I've joked before on those "I wany Momma days" that needed to go find a "Big Gulp" diet coke and find a "Hobby Lobby" somewhere! She had no idea that when we picked up Syd, and ran through Sonic for our Route 44's before heading to that "dreaded store" haha that she was placing me a place close to my mom. Thank you Becca.....:)
312:
.....God bless Tia Wind!) Our original plan was to check out some wig places in hopes of finding me something for later down the road. Just wasn't up to it today. :( That will be for another day. That, and the fact that if they tried to match me today....would have been bad hair and a Nike ball cap! So that will be another trip.
OMGoodness, I LOVE 312!!!. So many unique items that are truly affordable. I hadn't been in there in a while, since my current budget doesn't allow much for extras, but while we were there, she was showing me her new room and all her pretty things. We girls had a fun time trying on clothes and "bling".....She sent me home with a few things that I will be able to use after my surgery. Thinking I will need some loose fitting items after surgery until I can have my reconstruction. Even a pretty little dress for Syd. And "styled" me for the big evening tonight. Another way she is like my mom.....taking care of me whether I like it or not! :) Becca.....I love you MORE! :))
Uneventful Afternoon:
Becca dropped us off at the house mid-afternoon. Syd was a tad grumpy and like most mother-daughters we exchanged a few words....Lord the teenage years! and the teenage MOUTH! It didn't last long....but I realize we butt heads because we are so much alike. I love that child more than life itself. I'll save writing about my love for her for another blog..... but she is definately my BFF!!! :)
Love and Chi-Omega:
Checked the mail, and received yet another card from one of my Chi-0 sisters. I've gotten one every single day this week from sisters I haven't seen since the day I left ASU. Talk about tears. Facebook messages, emails, cards......not a day has gone by since my diagnosis that I've not heard from one of them. I'm so thankful to the "Chi O birdie" that passed the word (Jana!! :)) and each gesture has so warmed my heart. I've felt your love and prayers down deep in my soul. Thanks and sending my love to you ALLLL!!! (and BTW, have you girls noticed all the "Owl" stuff out these days????? Love it!)
My Mamaw and Papaw:
Another suprise came in the mail today....
My mother's parents are the epitome of "Mamaw and Papaws". Loving Christian examples and have ALWAYS been two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. In spite of the two hour travel time, I saw them often growing up, and would always find them in the audience of the big events in my life, and most of the small ones. Been married 65 years, out-lived two of their three children, in church everytime the doors are opened (in fact, I think for the majority of my life....my Papaw was the one who OPENED the doors ....and made the coffee), and always have remained faithful Christ servants. The example of EVERYTHING I hope to be. Im embarrassed that I don't check on them more....or visit more often. Sometimes "life" just happens...but I think of them every single day.
I received in the mail....a sweet note from my Mamaw, and a copy of the following which I couldn't wait to share on my blog. It was given to my Papaw from his doctor last week, and was insistant that she send it to me, and the thanks she is given for the fact that I, too, have a Christian doctor.
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter -in-law, and four-year old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
We must do something about father, said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor! So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he
sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor, He asked the child sweetly, What are you making? Just as sweetly, the boy responded, Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, l've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas Tree lights. I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need
to be able to throw something back sometimes. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of other, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch—holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Wow. I have no words for that dialogue. Just reminded me that even simply annoyances should be treated with the love and grace that God extends to us. I am going to strive to be kinder!!!!
And with my receipt of this, I know God had its perfect timing. Apparantly, she had mailed it to my old address, because since I recently moved, she didn't have my new one. It came through the forwarding process.....and I received it yesterday. At the time when I needed to be reminded of this very thing. His hand is on everything! Everything.
There is a young man that has become a special part of our family for the last couple of years.....Aaron. My Aaron is the epitome of what I'd like my son to be. A vibrant, funny, God-loving young man. He graduated from Benton last year and is working and a college student now, but is one of my son's best buddies. There is no doubt in my mind that Aaron has played a major part of my Sam's walk toward the Lord in many ways. He is simply precious to us.
I've called on Aaron many times.....to babysit, carpool, dog-sit, house-sit. You name it. Our families have had so many good times and memories, way too many to name. I love he and his brothers like they are my own. Anyone who has ever come in contact with this young man will never forget him or his "deep down in the belly laugh"....and the smile is ALWAYS wearing! Can ya tell I just LOVE this child??????
He also shares my "bad luck" with automobile maintenance! hahaha If fact, not long ago he was with us as we took a stroll, after my car left us sitting on the road. Never complained....turned into quite a fun evening! hahahaha
I rushed to grab Sam a haircut, came home and showered, and as I was drying my hair for the "shin dig" tonight, Aaron calls my cell to let me know he is IN my driveway. Was closeby having car trouble, and he came to the house to fix the problem. A simple fix....thank goodness....I was able to provide him with my water hose.....but he provided me with a big ole Aaron hug and a big ole Aaron smile! We love our Aaron!
Gino's:
One word....wow! Just Sayin' is a band that plays locally around our area. Mostly Classic Rock, Country rock.....always a fun time and fun group when they play. My friend Kim (Aaron's mom!) sings in the band and I always love hearing her sing! I used to feel like a "Just Sayin" groupie.....due to the fact that most of their "gigs" are "kid-friendly" we would go alot. Kim contacted me late in the week to let me know that they were playing tonight and that they were foregoing cover charges to accept donation for the children and I.
I was touched beyond words. And excited that the kids and I could have an evening out with friends prior to kicking off this "cancer thing" next week. Just Sayin always has a fantastic following and draws a good crowd....but I never imagined and was so touched by not only the wonderful friends that came out to support us, but the strangers there "for the band" that generously gave to our cause. I will never be able to adequately thank those who have helped us......"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above." James 1:17
More important than that....I laughed more than I had in weeks!!! Boy, do I have some crazy friends! We appropriately named this event...."the Bye Bye Boobie Bash!" haha We planned a huge party for the "unveiling" of the new ones down the road. I clarified over and over not "literally" of course! :) We danced, we sang, we laughed, we enjoyed our children and their friends! I got hugs and prayers from once strangers and now new friends. Well wishes and comforting words from the "village" that God has placed me in. I am starting to understand now how God's plan for me is absolutely perfect in His eyes.
I am posting a few pictures from the evening on my facebook.....as memories were made for the children and I that will last a lifetime! Others took picture for me too.....so I can't wait to post those as well!
In closing tonight.....I saw a quote today (on a plaque at Hobby Lobby!) that felt like it slapped me right in the forehead! "Don't just count the days.....Make the days count." Boy, how true.
Much love,
Terri
Friday, May 4, 2012
Words
I have found myself alone. Totally alone on a Friday night. YEAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Sambo is at the Pure Energy Retreat at FBC tonight. Sydney is with Chloe. My David is working. I have the remote ALLLL to myself and Couldn't wait to get back on this blog! Go figure!! Yet again, this white screen staring back at me for a few minutes not certain where to begin. I've stepped out of my comfort zone a little by putting all my feelings "out there" either for the world to see (or no one! Ha) ....but I now understand the therapeutic nature of journaling. I'm dealing with number of different feelings, all of which I think I've experienced TODAY. Putting my thoughts, prayers, fears, feelings into words makes them "real." Ive gotten quite a bit of positive feedback about this blog of my journey....and I thank your for your kind words.
Words. Funny how words are so powerful. Someone once told me that "Words can kill...and words can heal." Boy how true that is. Words can touch the extreme of every emotion.
Today, my morning started pretty uneventful. Got the kiddos up and around, off to work for the normal busy Friday. Of course I'm continuing to get the sweetest most caring "words" from people that have been a part of my life either now, or ar some point during the last 25-30 years. I still find myself reflecting on the past few days yet again....as so many things warmed my heart. I want to share a few more.....I never want to forget. Ever.
Prayer Circle:
I talked about my baseball family a little. You will probably find that I will talk about them a lot. But last Thursday, the day after my surgery....and the day that pathology confirmed my diagnosis, the Panthers played in Sheridan. I rode with Deb to the game. I had worked all day, and by game time I was pretty pooped. Truth is, I probably overdid it just a tad. But unless my Syd is on a stage somewhere....I just dont miss ball games! Ive joked that they may have to roll me in in a wheelchair with a pukebucket....but I'll be there! :) After a double header, I was about tuckered out when Karen asked if she could lead a prayer circle for me. She led the sweetest prayer I may have ever heard. It was a beautiful thing to know that I was being lifted before God by these sweet people. I learned later that the players had already prayed for "Sam's Mom." Words again that made my heart smile!
Ella:
During college, I worked in a grocery store as a checker part-time. While there, there was a stocker that worked there named Adam. Haven't seen Adam in 20 years, but reconnected on Facebook. By "reconnected" I mean we became "facebook friends". He wrote to me a couple of days ago, sending caring words and prayers, but most importantly to share with me that his 8 year old daughter, Ella, would be playing softball in a Komen "Pitch For The Cure" tournament this summer. He is trying to explain to her exactly what she is playing for and he shared my story with her. He told me that Ella would be playing for me. I can't tell you how much that mean to me. I immediately wrote to him asking for his address. With his permission, I am going to begin writing to my little friend, Ella,and sharing with her how people like her will find a cure. He shared with me that they would be reading my blog together. So time out for a minute while I say hello to my new friend. "Ella....you are precious and I hope to meet you someday! You will be getting some mail from me soon!". :))
"Baby Daddy": :))
He may not like this one bit, but I have to give props to my children's dad, John. He has been so supportive of not only the children but of me as well. He and "Jody" are planning to be there when I have my surgery this week. They both have checked on me and the kiddos, and I am so grateful to be able to co-parent with such caring people. I realize how lucky I am to have a Godly man as a father for my children who respects me as a good mother. Despite our past differences....he still cares for my well-being and has put it into words for me this past week. God bless John and Jody. I know that if something should happen to me....my children will be ok.
My afternoon was filled with laughter because my office got a visit from Ang. She sings to me via video text almost daily and even takes requests!!! :) One thing is for certain....I've got some pretty hefty "blackmail material" if I ever should need it! :) We always share laughs.....she didn't think I was too much of a dork when I told her about getting Sam's Under Armor skull cap on (that he wears under his football helmet), with his flat bill baseball cap, complete with two sports bras, just to see what I'm going to look like with no hair and no boobies! :). Please laugh, because I was a sight!! (ok....TMI....sorry!)
After she left, I had an epiphany of sorts. I dont know how to accept such love and generosity. I feel so undeserving. You see? I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Many I'm not proud of. Many that I have been forgiven for and forgiven myself for over the years. I guess we have all hurt others at one time or another. We have all made mistakes that we hope can learn from and keep buried in the past. At that moment, sitting in my office, I called David in tears, and he reminded me, unknowingly, that once I truly accepted Christ as my Savior and received HIS forgiveness....I found that His children who truly believe in Him and His grace also forgave me too. I laid my burden of guilt and shame on Him and my life changed. I can so see a difference in my life since I made Jesus the boss of it. Am I perfect? Nope. Am I a saint? No way. But I vow each day that He either work through me or in spite of me and my actions be pleasing to Him. That is what He asks of us. And sadly, I've not always answered His call.
That the thing about forgiveness and grace....it gives you a clean slate. It gives you a "do-over.". It keeps you from having to disclose a resume of past mistakes to your present relationships. When I laid it at the cross....I took with me my lessons learned and buried it. Forever. Not to "hide it" but to be removed from it. This gift isn't just for me because I am special. It's for all of us. And once accepted, it will change your life. Some say people can't change. Maybe not alone, but Christ can change people. Anyone who knows me and loves me..... Knows that.
The "woe is me" attitude stuck around most of the late afternoon. I shed a few tears while playing the "where do I pick Sam up today" game. The darn kid never tells me where he will be.....football complex, baseball field, Jr high! The silly boy better start answering that phone! :) Anyway, that child showed me so much love on the short car ride home. Right there is something that is real and right! Either THROUGH me or IN SPITE of me. That boy has the Lord in him! :). His words calmed my brokenness that others' words over the years had triggered in me.
We headed to the church for the Choir Tour Parent meeting.....just walking in that place brought me immediate peace. Surrounded by friends and church family who asked about me with genuine concern. As I sat there listening to the itinerary of Choir Tour, (all the way to Chicago!) and feeling so grateful that my Sam gets this experience, I was reminded where my focus should be. A few rows over.....where Sam sat, a few miles down the road, where my Sydney was, and straight ahead at the cross. Clay's prayer reminded me that my Jesus doesn't care what we have done wrong. He loves me anyway.
I'm still struggling with how I can possibly deserve the goodness around me......But I can promise that I strive to now live for Him. And to lead others to Him. To teach my children to know and follow. While I still fall short of His glory....his gift to us each day is that we can "start over". That gift of amazing grace.
While I've been a bundle of nerves all night, bailed on garage-sale'n with Becca (sorry!), I began to feel a calmness when Ang called to check on me from the choir retreat and to tell me that the parent leaders had prayed for me. Her words were such a comfort.
This post is bit of a downer.....I'm sorry! I've utilized my down time for reflection and shared it here. My formatting may be a little off....as I'm blogging from the iPad tonight. Too lazy for my computer. :).
Please remember your promise to pray for us.....May the blessings of your words lift others up. You never know how it can change them!
Goodnight and much love, Terri
Words. Funny how words are so powerful. Someone once told me that "Words can kill...and words can heal." Boy how true that is. Words can touch the extreme of every emotion.
Today, my morning started pretty uneventful. Got the kiddos up and around, off to work for the normal busy Friday. Of course I'm continuing to get the sweetest most caring "words" from people that have been a part of my life either now, or ar some point during the last 25-30 years. I still find myself reflecting on the past few days yet again....as so many things warmed my heart. I want to share a few more.....I never want to forget. Ever.
Prayer Circle:
I talked about my baseball family a little. You will probably find that I will talk about them a lot. But last Thursday, the day after my surgery....and the day that pathology confirmed my diagnosis, the Panthers played in Sheridan. I rode with Deb to the game. I had worked all day, and by game time I was pretty pooped. Truth is, I probably overdid it just a tad. But unless my Syd is on a stage somewhere....I just dont miss ball games! Ive joked that they may have to roll me in in a wheelchair with a pukebucket....but I'll be there! :) After a double header, I was about tuckered out when Karen asked if she could lead a prayer circle for me. She led the sweetest prayer I may have ever heard. It was a beautiful thing to know that I was being lifted before God by these sweet people. I learned later that the players had already prayed for "Sam's Mom." Words again that made my heart smile!
Ella:
During college, I worked in a grocery store as a checker part-time. While there, there was a stocker that worked there named Adam. Haven't seen Adam in 20 years, but reconnected on Facebook. By "reconnected" I mean we became "facebook friends". He wrote to me a couple of days ago, sending caring words and prayers, but most importantly to share with me that his 8 year old daughter, Ella, would be playing softball in a Komen "Pitch For The Cure" tournament this summer. He is trying to explain to her exactly what she is playing for and he shared my story with her. He told me that Ella would be playing for me. I can't tell you how much that mean to me. I immediately wrote to him asking for his address. With his permission, I am going to begin writing to my little friend, Ella,and sharing with her how people like her will find a cure. He shared with me that they would be reading my blog together. So time out for a minute while I say hello to my new friend. "Ella....you are precious and I hope to meet you someday! You will be getting some mail from me soon!". :))
"Baby Daddy": :))
He may not like this one bit, but I have to give props to my children's dad, John. He has been so supportive of not only the children but of me as well. He and "Jody" are planning to be there when I have my surgery this week. They both have checked on me and the kiddos, and I am so grateful to be able to co-parent with such caring people. I realize how lucky I am to have a Godly man as a father for my children who respects me as a good mother. Despite our past differences....he still cares for my well-being and has put it into words for me this past week. God bless John and Jody. I know that if something should happen to me....my children will be ok.
My afternoon was filled with laughter because my office got a visit from Ang. She sings to me via video text almost daily and even takes requests!!! :) One thing is for certain....I've got some pretty hefty "blackmail material" if I ever should need it! :) We always share laughs.....she didn't think I was too much of a dork when I told her about getting Sam's Under Armor skull cap on (that he wears under his football helmet), with his flat bill baseball cap, complete with two sports bras, just to see what I'm going to look like with no hair and no boobies! :). Please laugh, because I was a sight!! (ok....TMI....sorry!)
After she left, I had an epiphany of sorts. I dont know how to accept such love and generosity. I feel so undeserving. You see? I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Many I'm not proud of. Many that I have been forgiven for and forgiven myself for over the years. I guess we have all hurt others at one time or another. We have all made mistakes that we hope can learn from and keep buried in the past. At that moment, sitting in my office, I called David in tears, and he reminded me, unknowingly, that once I truly accepted Christ as my Savior and received HIS forgiveness....I found that His children who truly believe in Him and His grace also forgave me too. I laid my burden of guilt and shame on Him and my life changed. I can so see a difference in my life since I made Jesus the boss of it. Am I perfect? Nope. Am I a saint? No way. But I vow each day that He either work through me or in spite of me and my actions be pleasing to Him. That is what He asks of us. And sadly, I've not always answered His call.
That the thing about forgiveness and grace....it gives you a clean slate. It gives you a "do-over.". It keeps you from having to disclose a resume of past mistakes to your present relationships. When I laid it at the cross....I took with me my lessons learned and buried it. Forever. Not to "hide it" but to be removed from it. This gift isn't just for me because I am special. It's for all of us. And once accepted, it will change your life. Some say people can't change. Maybe not alone, but Christ can change people. Anyone who knows me and loves me..... Knows that.
The "woe is me" attitude stuck around most of the late afternoon. I shed a few tears while playing the "where do I pick Sam up today" game. The darn kid never tells me where he will be.....football complex, baseball field, Jr high! The silly boy better start answering that phone! :) Anyway, that child showed me so much love on the short car ride home. Right there is something that is real and right! Either THROUGH me or IN SPITE of me. That boy has the Lord in him! :). His words calmed my brokenness that others' words over the years had triggered in me.
We headed to the church for the Choir Tour Parent meeting.....just walking in that place brought me immediate peace. Surrounded by friends and church family who asked about me with genuine concern. As I sat there listening to the itinerary of Choir Tour, (all the way to Chicago!) and feeling so grateful that my Sam gets this experience, I was reminded where my focus should be. A few rows over.....where Sam sat, a few miles down the road, where my Sydney was, and straight ahead at the cross. Clay's prayer reminded me that my Jesus doesn't care what we have done wrong. He loves me anyway.
I'm still struggling with how I can possibly deserve the goodness around me......But I can promise that I strive to now live for Him. And to lead others to Him. To teach my children to know and follow. While I still fall short of His glory....his gift to us each day is that we can "start over". That gift of amazing grace.
While I've been a bundle of nerves all night, bailed on garage-sale'n with Becca (sorry!), I began to feel a calmness when Ang called to check on me from the choir retreat and to tell me that the parent leaders had prayed for me. Her words were such a comfort.
This post is bit of a downer.....I'm sorry! I've utilized my down time for reflection and shared it here. My formatting may be a little off....as I'm blogging from the iPad tonight. Too lazy for my computer. :).
Please remember your promise to pray for us.....May the blessings of your words lift others up. You never know how it can change them!
Goodnight and much love, Terri
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