This is Terri...

More Random Tidbits.  This is me.  :)

I absolutely LOVE being a mom to Sam (16) and Sydney Clare (14). It is BY FAR my greatest accomplishment!! I really don't like it that my kiddos are growing up......what in the world will we DO when they are grown?????  They are my everything.  Period.  And so much fun!

I pray about everything in weird places......my kids, my family, my pets, my finances, my life......even for a parking spot at Wal-mart -- in the bathtub, while I drive, in the school line, .....I mean EVERYTHING - EVERYWHERE!

I'm not a morning person.  I really don't even like to talk before 9 am.  Or at the very least, before I have a diet coke.

My car is an absolute pigsty.....we can clean it out every other day......does no good! Guess we're just in it too much!

I love the Christmas season.  :)

I'm a dork.  Its kinda tough being a dork sometimes.  The trick is not to care!  haha

I love love love the beach!!!  Its not a "real" vacation without sand and surf.

I think Garden Salsa Sun Chips and Twinkies are part of the food group pyramid.  And life will cease without either.

My daughter loves to dance. I am sometimes reduced to tears when she performs.......(no....not because of the money I've spent so she could do it!!!)

My son loves all sports.....plays all sports....and I am his biggest fan!!!  While other kids were watchin "Barney"....he was tuned in to Sportscenter.  No lie. 

I am always in a hurry....and rarely late. I HATE to be late and hate WAITING on those who are always late! Can you say....Road Rage????

I love reality TV, diet cokes, my comfy bed, my Ipad, Mac & Cheese from the blue box (eating it straight out of the pot!) and smell-good candles!  Those are necessities that could keep me happy for a lifetime!

I love the changes in my life that salvation has brought.  So cool to see what all God is up to next!

I am currently in a love-hate relationship with my hair.  Love that I have it. Hate that it isn't like it used to be.  Yet!   I have always said that I could lose everything and be on welfare....but would STILL budget for hair!!  Darn chemo....

I lost my mother to Breast Cancer at age 49. I miss her every single day.....She was my best friend. I get so ashamed of myself when I get jealous of my friends who still have their moms....hope they know what a precious gift that is....

College talk with my son makes me want to throw up. 

I am so happy to be a part of a God-loving, Spirit-filled church.  Above anything....My kids are getting it!

My greatest fear is something happening to my kids.....my second greatest has always been cancer.  And still is.... 

We pray before we eat.

I have a BS in Accounting, with a minor in English from Arkansas State University ( Home of the INDIANS!!) ......Accounting is boring. I really wish I had gone to Beauty School....I would LOVE to do hair!!

I miss having a housekeeper........wonder if I could find one to do my car too?? and for Free?  hehehe

I love my Sunday School Class.  They are my "life group."  :)

I'm blessed with an awesome "baby daddy."  The greatest gift a mom can give her children is to respect their daddy.  We are blessed.

I love the fact that when I see my kiddos at the end of the day.....that their faces still light up when they see me for the first time......(they USED to run across the room to greet me in Preschool -- but I'll settle for their smiles now!)  Even being teens....they still love hanging out with 'ole mom.  I hope that never changes.  We have so much fun together!  We are buddies!

Its very hard on me that my son is "in love"......I'm finally accepting that I am no longer the only "woman" in his life. These teen years are rough!

I am addicted to Carmex. I have about 12 tubes all over the house.....the car....coat pockets.....etc. Can't go anywhere without it!

I love my iphone! Keeps me connected to everything.  In fact, I think I pretty much love and want anything Apple makes.

I take baths.  Rarely a shower (unless I'm not at home....ewwwww)

I listen to all music.  My kids know that in my vehicle?  Mom's the DJ.

My Sam comes to visit me at my office most every day.  He pops in with a drink or lunch.  I just like that.

I miss my brother.  Wish we lived closer.  He and his family mean the world to me!

I'm lucky to still maintain a friendship with my childhood best friend. Sandy knows that I would be there for her in a heartbeat.  And vice versa.  Ties that bind.

I loved growing up in a small town and am glad my kids are too! I wish they knew how much these memories they are making will mean to them later!!

I love opening my home to my friends.....my kids' friends.....and my friends and their kids!!! Although....I do drive my family crazy getting my "fake" house on!!!! :)

I am a Chi Omega.  I wish I had known when I pledged how much my sisters would mean to me someday.  God knew what He was doing for sure.  I love my sisters.

I am addicted to popping bubble wrap.  I've even been known to buy rolls of it just so I could pop it!  :) 

I love the blessings that cancer has brought into me.  Friendships, love, and even a nudge to His grace.  Take THAT.....bam!

I'm broke.  Hate being broke.  BUT....I'm rich also. We have everything we need and most of what we want.  I'm saved by God's grace and what makes me happy?  Money can't buy.  Good stuff!

I hate drama.  Despise conflict.  And try to avoid it all costs. 

I'm in love with my best friend.  Thank you God for David!  I think its time for a post devoted to him! :)

Cancer sucks.  Nothing else to really say about that.

I love that my kids love their momma!  <3

I don't really feel worthy of grace.  But, I've learned to accept it anyway!

I think Candy Crush is the DEVIL!  lol  I will take him down!!!

I miss playing golf....although having a son playing competitive baseball has kept me off the course for some time.....I HAVE had a hole-in-one though! True story!

One of the greatest attributes of a Christian woman is her compassion for others. 

I want to teach my daughter that "gentlemen" are only attracted to "ladies."  Lot of truth in that.

I once went on a honeymoon....WITHOUT my groom.  Yep, a story there. 

I LOVE MY FRIENDS (old and new)!!!!! I have some of the best girlfriends in the world!!! I believe true friends "love you anyway".....in spite of yourself and your mistakes. Thank goodness I have true friends.....even if I had to learn the hard way to find them.....

I think I'm a skinny girl trapped in the body of a fat girl.  That darn mirror keeps reminding me! 

Cell phones at the table drive me bananas!  Put 'em down people!  Give those across from you some value! 

When I say, "I'm praying for you".....know, that I'm praying for you.

I wear a seat belt always.

I am grateful to God for 2nd chances.....and 3rds....and 4ths.....I thank God everyday for his grace and forgiveness......everyday.

I love "love."  So blessed that my life is so full of it.

I always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the worst, and a soul that never loses faith in God.

I am hungry and in total love with Jesus.  He is my light in this dark ugly world.  Not to spoil the ending for anyone, but God teaches us that everything is really gonna be ok!  <3

I can't imagine a world without laughter.....

Live ~ Laugh ~ Love

 

 

In Him,

Terri

 

PS -- Prayers for all my teacher friends and those entrusted to mold our children.  God bless you all!  (Especially you, Kim.)

Be Weird

I am approached often about my blog.  With the exception of my children, who think I'm nuts....it is 99.9% positive feedback.  They don't count.  I can think back to my teen years....and if my momma placed in a public forum every move I made much like I do them...I'd think she was nuts too.  I keep telling them that one of these days, when I'm gone...they will cherish my thoughts about them....and everything.  Today?  They're not convinced.  I really don't care.  ha

I love the above caption and plan to make it my "cover photo" on my facebook page.  When I saw it?  I immediately loved it.  Because it fits me.  And it pretty much fits my blog.  I'm weird.  I'm random.  And typically don't filter what I write (with a few exceptions for obvious reasons).  People who write from an honest place will find that it really is therapy. 

Once I write and post....Very seldom do I go back and read them.  I may someday.  I keep thinking I will print and put them up for my kids and grandkids.  I say that....because I cherish my mom's journal.  I think it is up there with one of the most important things I own.  Her private thoughts.  Her words.  I go to it for comfort often. 

I've been approached to be guest writers for a couple of sites.  Friends have jokingly told me that I could write a book.  Well....they're crazy.  I'm a goofball.  I'm a mom.  I'm just a woman trying to make it in this world with day-to-day problems just like everyone else.  I'm not special.  I'm not inspirational.  I'm just me.  I'm random.  I'm weird.  I just put it out there for the world (ok...that's the stretch....I doubt the whole world reads....but I guess they could.) 

When something touches me, I share it.  When something is heavy on me, I share it.  Gosh, if I can lift one person up....that is icing on the cake.  If I can land my name in someone's prayers?  Then I've gotten something extra.  I write for me.  I don't know if I would be good at writing for others.  Its not something I can "force."  So I'll sit and pray about that a while.  I don't follow or read blogs of others.  I really don't know how to be honest.  So I don't know if my blogs are "good" or not.  My reasons for writing are pretty selfish.  They help me muddle through this earthly life....and separate my thoughts.

I love getting emails, comments, text messages and kind words.  They really inspire me that I'm not alone in this world.  I thrive for accountability and support.  I'm really an open book.  And its not always easy to show the world all of my weak moments.  But why hide them?  The thing I love hearing most is how "real" I seem to be in my writing.  When you allow others to see your "raw" being....you let them in.  You build bridges, instead of walls.....and your relationships become strengthened in the process. 

I'm not trying to sound like I'm patting myself on the back, for sharing the nice things that have been said to me.  I realize that those who disagree aren't necessarily going to come to me to tell me.  Those kind of people find it much more fun to talk "about" ya than "to" ya.....but yes, I've heard whisperings of "this and that".....but as you can see....it hasn't stopped me from writing.  It hasn't changed my writing style.  Nor do I really give a dang!  lol  That "dirty 'ole rotten stinkin' devil" can try all he wants.  (That's for YOU, Jay.) 

I repeat myself often.  But I am so blessed.  As I often do....I would like to share a song that I honestly want sang....by my sister-in-law....at my funeral.  I know that sounds morbid....but, I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon!  haha  But, I find myself touched and raising my hands in worship every single time I hear it.  No matter where I am.....

 

 

Bridge:

Redeemer! My Healer! Lord Almighty......

My Savior! Defender! You are My King...

Friends, if that bridge don't move ya.....nothing will.  I will never forget the day Leah sang that in church and I think of her every time.  I'm sure the dude next to me at the red light on the way to work this morning thought I was having a seizure!   lol 

I know I'm rambling.....being "random" so bear with me.  My heart is a bit heavy and I'm sad.  Believe it or not, I don't write about "everything".  I need prayers in a big way over lots of issues.  So please pray for us.  But thankfully, I really do feel better....at just the "sound of His name."  Nothing like His peace.

Please pray also, for one of my closest friends.....Starting a new job as a teacher, the mother of three, and has a very sick mom in the hospital.  "The sick are healed.....at the sound of Your name."  She is a precious friend and so loved by our family. 

This song just says it all......encompasses all.  You go God!!

Thanks for the pure random-ness tonight.  Its fun to be weird.  I needed it.
In Him,
Terri

Shame on Me.....

I have lots of friends.  Most of which have been friends of mine for a long, long time. Some as far back as childhood.  Some since I moved here, most are parents of my kiddos' friends, others are through church, and some we just make it a point to nurture our relationships because of love.  In all honesty, my close circle consists of friendships where we have been through a lot together. Divorce, illness, you name it. 

I am so very blessed.  Are they perfect?  Nah.  But neither am I.  When I have a bad day?  They love me through it or tell me to snap out of it.  Basically, any conflicts we face?  We face together.  As a general rule, we don't have conflict with each other or because of each other.  Several, I would trust with my life.  And basically have. 

God has given me a loving village of good Christian people to have surround me in times when I needed it most.  And I, in turn, try so hard to be there for them.  Even in the midst of my own struggles.  I have friends who are like family.  And some family who are my best friends.

I recently had a falling out with someone.  I typically don't "fight with friends."  Ever.  If I'm upset?  I may vent.  Or pout.  Or pull away. Or slap them upside the head and ask what the dang deal is?  But in all honesty, it happens so rarely that I honestly don't know HOW to handle conflict so to say I am proud of myself is a big ole stretch.  Because I'm not.  I'm sad.

To say I'm usually a "peacemaker" isn't really a true statement, because I usually try to stay out of others' conflicts.....but for lack of better words...I always want everyone to just "play nice on the playground."  I avoid conflict.  I give my opinion when asked.  And I'm blunt and to the point. Admittedly to a fault.  But I typically like to practice tact and deliver words lovingly, or just keep my mouth shut.

This time.  I failed.  This conflict quickly drifted from the issue at hand.  And went south as fast as concrete sinking in the lake.  While, sadly, I really did mean the things I said, my delivery went from a place of "love" to a place of "anger". And of course, I didn't say things in the correct way so I'm not sure they were taken they way I meant them. My intent didn't start out that way.  But after feeling attacked, I unloaded.  I rarely get pushed to the point of anger that the feelings of others become irrelevant.  But this time? I did. 

Don't think I'm being too hard on myself.  I'm certainly not taking all the blame.  Because the whole thing was completely ridiculous.  I still feel I had every right to be angry.  And if I were to take a poll (which I would never ever do).....I could find 50 people in 2.3 seconds that would agree that I had every right to feel the way I did.  The thing is?  That is not what the bible teaches us about conflict.  After a bit, my anger placed me in a frame of mind where I didn't lash out from a place of reconciliation.  It was a place to hurt.  And that is simply not me. I never have conflict with friends.  Or with ANYONE really.  So I guess, I really didn't know HOW to act.  This was completely new territory for me.

In church this morning, Pastor Rick ended his sermon series from 1 Corinthians (the love chapter)....on words.  And how to resolve conflict from a place of love.  Yep, that was me crawling under the pews feeling about an inch tall. 

There is a lot of history to this situation, that I choose to not write about.  But I think there are some people in this world that it is simply not healthy to be around.  When so many people (from different walks of life) feel the same way, and know nothing of your history with them.....there has got to be some truth in there somewhere.  But as a Christian woman, I shouldn't turn my back.  Nor, should I allow the past behavior to continue.

THIS?  is where I don't know how to move forward.  I've spent the afternoon in prayer.  Digging into the word.  Talking in confidence with my brother, who is the only person I've shared anything with.  And I felt led to write my thoughts tonight.  And share the verses that have not only convicted me....but brought me peace in this conflict. 

Luke 17:1
“Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come…” (KJV)

Ephesians 4:26
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” (NIV)

Proverbs 15:1
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)


Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (ESV)

Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)
“It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Proverbs 13:10
“Pride only breeds quarrels,
but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (NIV)

James 4:1-2
Submit Yourselves to God
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” (NIV)

James 4:6
“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (ESV)

The bible is very clear.  Conflict is a part of love.  As Pastor Rick said today, if you don't have relationships with conflict, most likely they aren't very good relationships.  How true?  You have to first care, before you can reach anger. 

Anger is healthy.  But how we deal with our anger, is where following God's image is tricky.  I fell short.  For that? I'm sorry.  I was honest in my words.  But I wasn't loving in them.  The timing wasn't appropriate....but I fell completely into the trap that she started.  While I didn't go as far "below the belt" as I could have?  My words were hurtful.  And I feel badly.

- Be careful to think before you speak or act, don’t speak out or lash out in anger/bitterness…

Proverbs 16:18
“Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.” (NIV)

Philippians 2:3-4“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (NKJV)

Galatians 6:7-8“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (NIV)

Proverbs 26:17
“Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears.” (NLT)
 
Proverbs 29:25
“The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.” (The Message)

After two days of the "tit for tat" via text (another bad idea), I awoke today still angry, but ashamed that I allowed another person to make me so angry, that I totally forgot how to turn the other cheek.  That I was slow to listen and quick to speak.  And not the opposite.  I extended a true, sincere apology for my behavior.  And it was accepted.  To which I am grateful.  I felt good that my own heart led me to forgive before I ever sent the text to her.  Before I heard Pastor Rick's thoughts.  Before I dug into the Word.  My journey of faith is still strong and even though I didn't expect a gracious reply....I received one, with an apology as well. 

Be quick to forgive, remember this:
Titus 3:3-5
“Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.
But – “When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.” (NLT)

Matthew 6:9-15
“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”(KJV)
~~~

Ephesians 4:26
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (ESV)

And please, please, remember – We all need each other:)! Final Thoughts & Prayers…

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (NKJV)

Romans 12:5
“So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.” (KJV)

Romans 15:5
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus.” (NIV) —Amen! God bless!

I really don't know where to go from here.  Momma used to say that prayer and time heals all wounds.  In the heat of the moment, I was ticked.  I couldn't believe that someone thought this way about me.  That at 42 years of age, I was having such a disagreement with someone else.   And that I allowed someone to actually "get to me".  And that she totally misunderstood why I was angry.  I'm pretty good at letting things roll off my back.  I usually do a pretty decent job of walking the high road.  But I'm ashamed I let my anger get the best of me.  For that, I'm ashamed. 

I know that I hurt her.  I'm not sure if she knows that she hurt me too.  I learned many lessons throughout it all.  Not really about her.  But about myself.  Not everyone is meant to be in your life.  Not everyone will love you unconditionally.  And maybe I don't do a good enough job nurturing those relationships that I care about the most.  To send my love for no reason at all.  I will do better.

Pray for me in my endeavors to do better.  And pray for her too.  That she learned something as well.  And that God restore the pieces of her heart that I may have broken.  That she know I have forgiven her....even for the things I taunted her with this weekend.  I hope she has forgiven me too.

In Him,
Terri

Helicopter Mom!!

I hope ya like the change!  I get bored with things fast.....bedding, hair styles, decor, clothes, etc.  Hence....the new look of my blog!  :)  (I love saying "hence".....makes me sound oh so smart!  haha)  I originally chose pink for a couple of reasons.....The obvious being the whole "breast cancer" color and all, which was the whole motivation behind me starting to journal.  And, it was one of the general templates available, and I was more interested in getting started writing than feeling my way around the website to build a custom one.  Never really liked the look of the page, kinda looked like Pepto Bismal.....so I spent some time workin on it!  :)  Let me know what ya think!

Not really an eventful day.  Worked about 9 hours....Took a car load of dancing girls to lunch, broke up a brawl between Sam and Syd that literally ended in bloodshed, attended the parent meeting for football tonight, and came home to 4 giggling girls and sent Sammy for pizza.  The meeting got me excited about football season!  Last year, I felt so crummy so I just muddled through....but this year I'm so ready!  Jr. High games on Thursdays watchin my dancer.....Sr. High on Friday nights watchin my Panther.....and Razorback Saturdays!  Whoop!  Love it.

During the meeting, they had a college coach from Arkansas Tech visit to tell us some information on how college recruitment works....what to expect....how to prepare, etc.  While I don't expect Sam to really play football at the next level....He IS old enough to start looking at colleges, and thinking about preparations for after high school.  He is not big enough....at least right now.  But ya never know....so I listened.  As we sat in the big ole auditorium.....all the Jr. High Parents to the right, and the Sr. High Parents on the left.....I glanced over remembered how much time has flown since I sat on the "right".  I thought I was going to throw up.  Bible.

I listened to the speaker as he talked about the recruitment process.  He shared the differences in high school ball, and college ball....many were obvious, some were things I learned.  Anyway, he felt one thing important enough to not only bring it up....but it was really a "bullet point" on his slide show!  "Athletes with "Helicopter Moms" are expendable."

He went on to explain what the definition of a "Helicopter Mom" was.  Those who "hover" over their kids.  Don't let them breathe.  Who are all over them at the end of the game or after practice.  Who bug the coaches about everything.  Who don't let them grow up on their own and "be a man."  Instantly, Sam and David both cut their eyes to me.  I even think my shins were a tad bruised from them kickin me.  Ok, not really.  At first, that bothered me.

First of all, I never bug his coaches.  Never question playing time.  Like all parents, I sometimes don't understand coaching decisions....or I wonder what it is that Sam needs to do to get better, or to be more valuable.  But you won't see me blowing up their emails, or making phone calls, or even hanging around practices asking about playing time.  Or questioning the coaches.  They are the coach.  And what he says goes.  Period.  Have I been known to disagree?  Yep.  Does it break my heart when my son is unhappy as a result of riding the pine? You betcha.  But I know my boundaries and I respect them.  Many life lessons are learned on the field.  Football...Baseball....every sport. 

I pray about Sam as a young man.  I pray for Sam as an athlete.  That he foremost is safe and for the safety of his teammates and their opponents.  That he exhibit sportsmanship on AND off the field.  That he lift up his teammates especially when the game isn't going their way.  To always "hustle til AFTER the whistle blows" (I always say that to him as he gets out of the car!  haha) And I've always taught Sam that when you do something...especially when using your talents.....you do it for He who gave you those talents.  110%.  Give God the glory when he wins and praise Him when he doesn't.  We are blessed that Sam's coaches are Godly men who care about him.  In fact, when I think back....every man who has coached my son?  We worship with each Sunday morning.  I know that they, too, are praying for my Sam and his teammates.  They want him to grow and get better....just like I do. 

Do I hover?  Most likely.  lol  Sam is a self-proclaimed "Momma's boy."  He loves his Momma.  And I've always been involved in his growth through sports.  I'll never forget one time, I was yakkin in the stands to a girlfriend as the boys were warming up before a game, and David nudged me and said...."Wave your arms....he's lookin for you, Momma."  :)  Now that he drives, he gets to the ball field usually before me....and every game -- be it baseball or football -- I see him scan the stands until I wave.  I blow him a kiss and he gives me a nod with a smile.  It's kind of our thing.  And I love it.  Same thing with Syd.....its our thing.

After games....I am guilty of the drill.  I ask a million questions....about how he thought he did.  What he could have done better.  We discuss any errors and celebrate his good moments...ie, catches, touchdowns, base hits, etc.  We basically break it down.  I always ask if he got any coach feedback...good or bad.  I know it kinda bugs him.  When he was younger....parents heard the "coach's talk".....I always knew what was going on.  Now?  Its hard to be in the dark.  So I'm gonna try to do better about analyzing his game play.  To let him decompress after games and practices and let him share with me what he wants. 

THAT SAID, I will continue to love, support, and be his biggest fan.  While I can't always "fix it".....I won't go away.  If that makes me a "Helicopter Mom" then I am dang proud to be one!  <3  At first, when the coach presented this label in a negative light....for which it was meant I'm sure....I was a bit offended by those wonderful men who love me pointed their fingers at ME. :)  So much so...that before I knew it, I found myself volunteering to be the Junior Parent liaison to the booster club.  Lol Really....I'm happy to really dig in and help this year....last year I was unable to do much.  Anyway, I'm proud to wear that title.  I'm guilty of loving him too much.  Of caring too much.  Of worrying about him.  But, am willing to follow the boundaries.  To let him grow up.  And to let him be the man God wants him to be. 

I am the same way with Sydney.  Placing her happiness at the hands of others is one of the toughest parts of motherhood.  Hence....(hehe), the need for prayer. 

Oh...the changes.  I'm a "work in progress" for sure.  Very grateful for God's guidance.  He hasn't failed me yet.

The kiddos and I at the start of the 2012 Season....:)  Love these two! 

Go Panthers!!

 

 

In Him,

Terri

My Journey to Tithe

God has been tugging at me lately.  More so than usual and I have to laugh at myself when I actually put this in writing for all to see, how absolutely ridiculous this may sound to most.  By writing, I can usually see a change in my attitude or in the way I'm responding or reacting to whatever it is on my heart...by the end of the post. 

You know? Its not really that hard to trust God with things we can't control.  Such as...."Lord keep me safe from this tornado."   Or "Lord, Let us arrive safely."  Or "Lord,  cure me of cancer."  Ya get the drift.  What is hard for us "control freaks" is turning the reigns over to Him on things we CAN control.  That's when I look at God and say...."Ok, you're meddlin now!"  Case in point?  Money.

The love of money is the root of all evil.  And I believe that money separates us from God more than almost anything. And in many ways, I believe it trickles in between and tears many relationships between us as believers.   I've had an enlightening week...to say the least.   And its only Tuesday. 

Take off your "judgment pants"....because I need prayers and support in carrying out my new (ok...old, because I've always known this....just never lived it!) epiphany.  I don't tithe.  Yes, I give.  I place a few bucks in the offering plate on Sunday.  I donate to charities.... i.e, girl scout cookies, cookie dough sales, even the Komen Foundation, etc.  But I am not a fruitful giver. 

Even more history.  I am organized to a fault.  With a Bachelors in Accounting, and the majority of my career spent in Bank Audit and Lending, I know how to balance a checkbook.  I know how to budget.  I am a whiz with numbers.  Your classic "bean counter" with a side of social skills.  That's me.  So what I'm about to reveal is absolutely nuts.  I can no longer balance my own household budget if it kills me!  Since my diagnosis, I've been behind on most everything.  Not "living on the street" bind....or "re-possession" type bind....but for the most part? "Paycheck to Paycheck" stress.....biggie stuff on the back-burner that shouldn't be....and one emergency away from being in a real dangerous position.  I really don't have an excuse....I just "rob Peter to pay Paul" then Peter comes a-callin.  I would venture to say, that there are others much like me. 

I pay my bills.  Right before they are to be disconnected.  I run about a week late on my home....sometimes 2.  I am dead on with my car (because its auto-drafted).  Then the kiddos need this or that.  I'm like an ATM.  I no longer have health insurance, because I can't afford it.  I had a gas leak 2 months ago, and my Centerpoint bill is $1,450 and even though they've given me a couple of extensions (after I provided them with a medical certificate) and is due to be disconnected ummm.....July 24 (6 days ago).  The only thing I can say is?  Its summer time, and we can live without hot water if we have to!  :)   I am still trying to raise the money to pay the sales tax on my vehicle because like a dummy, I thought it was financed in....and it wasn't.  And here it is August.  If you have two in school?  August expenses are worse than December.  Not to mention, medical bills out the wazoo, having to let my health insurance go because they raised my premiums, added to the already hole I was digging out of from the failure of my marriage.

Those are the immediate fires.....in my "not so far off" future, I have college times 2, I want to buy my home, retirement, and God forbid the fight of another illness.  Oh to know years ago, what I know now.

By definition, I am a single mom.  I've been corrected more than once because I do have David in my life, for which I am grateful.  But, I assure you.....when it comes to finances, he has four..... 1,2,3,4!!! children to support.  So, yes, he is gracious to help.  He gives us more than we deserve.  But I'm an independent woman, with a job, and two children, who depend on me. And me only.  Poor David...I'm quite a catch, huh?

That said, I've gone back and forth in my heart.....on paper......on a calculator....on my budget spreadsheet......how can I possibly afford to tithe???  I have caught myself making deals with God...."As soon as I get this caught up....or pay that....or get ahead...blah blah blah" I'll stick to my offering plan.  Guess what?  I'm 42.  I'm not ahead yet.  In fact....things are probably more dire now, than they ever have been with me.

My brother has been begging me for years to just trust in the Lord.  To give God what is already His.  It's like I've been stealing from God. Let me re-phrase....I've been stealing from God.  That first 10% is HIS!!!  Anything above that? Is my offering to Him.  I asked my brother to direct me to some scripture.  As I dug into the Word, and prayed over what is told to us in both the Old AND New Testaments....I am finally relinquishing my control.
Here are a few:

Malachi 3:8-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.
“But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’
“In tithes and offerings. ⁹ You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. ¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it.

2 Corinthians 9:6-10

New International Version (NIV)

Generosity Encouraged

⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. ⁷ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. ⁹ As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
    their righteousness endures forever.”^[a]

¹⁰ Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.

Proverbs 3:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Honor the Lord with your wealth,
    with the firstfruits of all your crops;
¹⁰ then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
    and your vats will brim over with new wine.

 

 

I realized that what's been laying heavily on me....and what I've been struggling with for YEARS, is that lying, deceptive devil trying to tell me that I can't afford it.  He makes the numbers not add up.  He makes me spend foolishly.  He makes me afraid to trust.  He keeps me from being a cheerful giver. 

I have been very blessed to always have a good job.  To have children who are happy with what I can provide.  To have all of what we need, and even most of what we want.  God has blessed me for years, even without giving the best of my "fruits" to Him.  I have been selfish in my struggles. 

I know that God is up to something.  Starting this Sunday.  I will be giving in excess of my 10%.  And I'm excited!  Please pray for me in my decision to change my life.  Please know that I will share the fruits of my decision.  Know that I don't expect the blessings to pour down on me with a greedy heart....as I have been.  My church will continue its ministry with or without my "measly" 10% I know.  The last three weeks....I put $20 bills in the plate.  (Even last Sunday which left me $12 to last until payday.) I thought I was doing good because I nearly gave "all I had."  God spoke to me like a bullet.  I've been robbing HIM. 

Luke 6:38

New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

 

Keep me accountable friends.  When I became saved, and was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  I promised to honor him with my prayers, my presence, my GIFTS, and my service.  In re-working my budget for August.....my income is showing a bit less.  And I've been a bit worried.  But as a friend posted on Facebook yesterday..."Faith is that bridge between where we are and where God wants us to be."  So I trust Him to guide me in making sound financial decisions for my children and I. 

I'm so angry with myself for my choices placing us where we are today.  Not prepared.  Always on the defensive.  Thankfully, God is reaching down to me....so much further than I can reach up.  I plan to share my journey.  I may need others to show me the fruits of my decision.  Truth is....I'm giddy.  And can not wait until Sunday.  My trust is completely and totally with Him. And I'm at peace.  All will be ok. 

James 1:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

In Him,
Terri

PS:  My new favorite song...... LOVE IT! 

 

  

My spin on "Daring to be Different"

I'm sort of pirating a great list of things I want my kids to live by....and putting my own spin on it.  My mother could have been the author. 

List of wise words:

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.  (Or any plans.)  Texting is becoming too easy.  TALK to each other.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.  OR....Granny shots.  :)

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.  People aren't coming out as "with it" as they went in.

13. Don't play on people's emotions.  Or use hardships to your advantage.

 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.  If they can't live up....most likely they don't need to be your hero.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.  I've learned this throughout the years!

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.  They are ruining the world.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25.  When folks reach out to ya.  Always respond.....as soon as possibly.  Even if its to say...."I'll holla later!"

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.  :)

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.  What happens there....may not always "stay" there.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.  Ever.

34. Don’t pose with booze.  Tacky.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Be kind. Even in anger.  Practice kindness.

 39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.  You are never the "only one" with your "limp."  We all got problems!

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.  Furthermore....you should always offer help.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.  And that ref is human.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.  Yep, its important enough to list this one twice!

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.  This one made me chuckle!  :)  I guess there ARE exceptions.  But for the general female population?  Wear a bra.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

BONUS:  Love the Lord your God.....and your neighbor as yourself!  Love always extends grace.

While I didn't write these....only added and "took from" a few.  I agree with them all and felt it worth the share!

In Him,
Terri

July 20

This darn day comes every single year.  Saturday, July 20th, the day my precious mother gained her angel wings.  I've talked about her so many times in my blog postings, on facebook, and in my conversations with friends, that I've had so many people tell me that they feel like they know her.  Since I moved to Benton, 11 years ago, right after her death, not a soul in my "day to day" life actually knew her.  While I still have so many connections to those that did.....I sometimes feel lonely in my thoughts and memories.  I just love it when someone posts something about her.....nice words, a memory, anything to do with my mom.  I hang on those words.

 

While I know I am biased.....I know for a fact that you could search the world over for something bad to say about her....and you'd come up short.  She was a Godly woman, a wonderful mother, a loving daughter, my best friend, and the glue that held our family together.  I know I will see her again someday.  So I find the ultimate comfort in knowing that my salvation will lead me back to her.

 

I have a friend that has gone through the death of a parent, as recently as tonight.  She and I have talked at length about her father's final days....what to expect....how to feel.....etc.  I just don't have the words to comfort her.  Much like that day....11 years ago....that I had to let go of my mom....her earthly existence to move on to prepare a place for me in heaven.....there are no words.  It never gets easier being here without her. 

 

Got me to thinking about that day.  I've written about her battle.  I've shared memories and lessons she taught me.  I've shared photos and about my love for her.  But I've never written about the day she left us to go on to eternity. 

That's a toughie...

 

A little history:  Mom battled breast cancer for 5 years.  Diagnosed at age 44.  She immediately had a single mastectomy and chemo.  Her lymph nodes showed it to be in 3 of 9.  I don't think they had "stages" back then....or if so, I don't know what it was.  But her prognosis at the time was good.  She went over 2 years being "cancer free".  One evening, I was hosting a "circle meeting" (A ladies group at the Methodist Church we attended) at my home.  She came in, helped me with refreshments, ran the meeting and after everyone left, she informed me the cancer was back.  This time in the lung.

 

Surgery followed.  A very intensive surgery that was very hard on her.  Followed by more chemo.  Months and months of chemo.  I remember each visit with the doc.....our "guideline" was...."chemo?  or no more chemo?"  Never really "life or death".  Mom never complained.  In fact, she kept so much from us.  She kept a journal throughout her illness.....a very detailed journal....that for us, her children, is sometimes very hard to read.  She shielded us from her hurts.  Her fears.  Her worries.  She thought of us....her children.....first.  Always.

 

I am fuzzy on the exact timeline, but I know that the chemo wasn't successful for a complete cure.  The cancer ended up in her brain.  She went through months of radiation and at the time.....we were told that if that wasn't successful, she would be a candidate for the Gamma Knife surgery that was fairly new at that point in time.  Mom was just happy that she didn't have more chemo!  Those are the victories that we counted.

 

Mom's childhood best friend, who was also a nurse, accompanied her to her doctor visits.....for love, support, and deciphering the medical "mumbo jumbo".  To this day, if I need to feel close to mom....I think of Judy.  Sometimes call her or send her a text.  She is the person in this world who knew her better than anyone.....and loved her.  A true friend for her entire life.  She stood by mom through every major life event, and many, many small ones.  God placed Judy in our lives. 

 

In late May, 2001, mom called me at work and asked if we could come by the house that night, and not bring the kids.  I got a funny feeling because it was almost a CRIME to show up at her house with the grands.  lol  She loved her babies.  I got there, and Jay was there too.  She informed us that her oncologist had informed her that the radiation had failed. The cancer was in her brain stem.  The surgery was too dangerous and was no longer an option.  He basically told her to "get her affairs in order" that they had exhausted all known efforts. 

 

She told us she was quitting her job.  I was devastated.  Honestly, I acted a fool.  I had been in denial that this cancer would ever really take her life.  I knew it was hard on her....but never really expected this.  It had also spread into her liver.  They could treat that with chemo....and given her maybe a few more months.  But it would have been aggressive, invasive, and so severe that her quality of life would be awful.  Hence, she elected to stop treatment.  To me?  that was giving up.  I ranted and raved.  Second opinions?  Let's go to Little Rock or Memphis instead of Jonesboro?  Blah Blah Blah.  My mom.....quietly touched my hand and said "I'm tired."   I'll never forget that. 

 

My brother led prayer....and I left there that night like I'd just took a bullet.  Both sides of my family "upped" their annual family reunions to earlier in the year so that my mom could attend.  She insisted on a last vacation with us and took us to Branson.  I remember how quickly she began to leave us. She insisted that we pre-arrange her funeral.  Again, I was aggravated and not willing to give up.  Hospice was called in to help us......and in two shorts months, we were there....this day.  July 20, 2001.

 

Funny how God worked with my mom...."to plan her own death."

 

I was on week 1 of my 2-week vacation.  I always chose these weeks for two reasons.....As youth director, I led the youth VBS, which was a big job.  And it was also the Newport Country Club 4-ball Invitational, that was a huge weekend for golf and fellowship.  (I didn't have to take off work.  At all....I was already off.)  I spent most of that week with my mom during the day.  My mamaw and papaw were there that week, as was Judy popping in and out.  My dad, hospice, etc.  I am so grateful for that time I had with her.

 

On this Friday, I arrived early that morning so that my mamaw and papaw could head home for a bit to check on things.  He could not miss opening the church and making the coffee!  haha  Hospice came in and we bathed her, shaved her legs, and just sat with her a bit.  She had begun sleeping most of the time.  Her color was a bit jaundiced and her nail beds showed the slowdown of circulation.  The nurse asked me..."When are your grandparents coming back?"  I answered that most likely it would be Sunday evening.  She gently told me that I might want to get them to come on back.  I could see in her eyes that it was close. 

 

I called them, I called Judy, I called my brother and they all started trickling in.  Her brother was working in the area (another God thing!) and he had planned to stop in anyway.  So he was there.  My Mamaw Ethel, aunts and uncles....everyone was there in a matter of hours.  John (my husband then) got off work about 5 and headed over.  After "everyone" was there.  She opened her eyes, just before taking her last breath.

 

Noone had to be contacted.  Noone had to make calls to loved ones.  Noone had to travel under distress.  She waited until everyone was present.  And with her.  It wasn't until much later that I realized what a cherished gift she had given us.

 

Her service was standing room only.  In and out of the chapel.  500+ people.  My brother and I spoke, Leah sang.  And it was a beautiful tribute to her life.  We had no idea how we were going to get through our duties without tears.  We, as a family, prayed over her Emmaus cross, and each of us held it while giving our tributes.  No doubt, she was holding us up and God was speaking through us.   I still have the cross.  :)

 

I'd never seen so many flowers, cards, and people who loved her.  She was adamant that she didn't want her service at the church.  The church where she was at every time the doors opened.  Where she taught the pre-schoolers up until about 2 months before.  Where bulletin boards still held her artwork and decorations in the children's department even months later......She didn't want her service there.  I couldn't understand.  Her reason?  She never wanted us to ever have a reason not to go to church.  She didn't want our last memories of her at church, lying in a casket.  She wanted us to remember her there....lively and happy.  What a gift?  Still thinking of us....

 

I still have her last letter to me.  Written on hot pink stationery.  Her last words were "Continue to raise your children in the company of Christian friends."  You got it mom!  <3

 

Every memory of my happy times throughout my childhood include my Mom.  I only hope she knows how much I love her. 

 

 

Here are a few pics I dug up.  She was usually the one BEHIND the camera!  :)  But here are some good ones....

 

 

Have NO idea who's cat.  lol

 

Mom and Judy.  Blessed BFFs!  <3 

This was the day we brought Sam home from Children's!

My graduation  1989

Our last vacation to Branson at the Dixie Stampede.   

This is how I remember her....being silly!  My favorite pic ever!

Fishin with my dad!

Her engagement picture from the Newspaper, 1970  She was beautiful!

One of the last one's with my babies.  They loved "Mamaw Patsy"

My wedding, May 22, 1993  Some of the most beautiful memories with my mom. 

Senior Night, 1989

Love this....<3

July 11, 1970

 

 I love you mom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me