Reason I'm standing.....

Wow....what a perfect perfect weekend.  Baseball Friday night.  Lotsa fun outdoors with David and the kiddos.....enjoyed the company of friends I haven't seen in a while.  Great church service today.  What a way to start the week!  :)

 

I find myself feeling a little wierd tonight.  Its like the good Lord is sitting right next to me.  I so feel his presence.  I don't deserve such goodness.  At all.  Its almost been a year since my diagnosis.  In fact, the anniversary date of that is just 9 days away.  I go back to my onocologist tomorrow for a checkup.  To make sure nothing "not right" is going on in the 3 months since I was last there. 

 

This is where the "weirdness" comes in.  I am overcome with peace. Not scared at all.  Last week and the week before, and even a couple of days ago, I was feeling anxious.  But today?  right now? I'm perfectly ok with whatever happens.  I know its God's plan.  I have felt the best Ive felt in a year this past week.  I don't have to nap the second I get home.  I've enjoyed my kids and been a more active part of their lives.

 

I've visited my brother and his family last weekend and worshipped at his church with my dad and kiddos.  He and I have planned a vacation in June to the beach with our families.  First time ever we have have taken a vacation together.  Our kids are SOOO excited.....and so are we adults!  :)  Can I afford it?  Absolutely not. lol  But I don't care.  I'm making the most of every second I can. 

 

Reminds me of last year about this time.  I took my kids on their first cruise.  Not knowing at the time what was ahead of me.  That I was about to start the fight of my life.  I was about to move into our new home.....life was so good.  I took my income tax refund and we had such a wonderful time.  A couple of weeks later, I found out about the "Big C".   Being a single mom, I immediately kicked myself in the hiney for taking that trip and not "saving for a rainy day."  Then it hit me.....God had HIS hand in that....giving me that time with them.  Giving us those memories knowing that I would be out of commission for a bit.  I wouldn't have changed a thing.

 

Same with my upcoming trip to the beach with Jay.  I am so excited to make those memories with him and his family.  For our children to have a week to enjoy each other.  God has blessed us today and we need to enjoy today.

 

As good as I have felt lately.  As wonderful as things seem to be going....I can't help but think there is a possibility that I may not get the most desirable news tomorrow.  Who knows?  I'm not scared. Satan isn't going to take the natural human weakness to be afraid of medical results and shake my faith.  So get back, Jack!   That darned devil has crept into my brain and said...."this is just how it happened last year.....Bam! out of nowhere....Cancer."  He can kiss my hiney.  I've been given and accepted His amazing grace.  I have two healthy and happy children who know Jesus. Almost as importantly.....They also know Satan.  And know the difference!!   I've been redeemed and am forever in His arms.  Whatever He decides to do with the rest of my days I am pretty ok with it.

 

My little brother knows just how to share a verse, a song, or a thought with me at the times when I need it.  He sent this video to me this week......

 

Verbatum.....I can share this with you about how I feel.....how I'm at peace about my appointment tomorrow.  I do not have to say another word. 

 

Of course, I hope my next update is "Still Cancer Free".....and if so to Him be the glory!  If not.....I will Praise HIM in my storm.  Either way.....The reason that I'm standing....Stands in Front of me. 

 

 

I have stood for the Gospel

When it seemed I stood alone

And through the heartaches and frustration

I kept my focus on the Throne

So many times I have recalled

The Savior's words so true

"If you won't be ashamed of me

Then I won't be of you"

So I'll proudly stand until I see

The face of the One who gave

Everything for me

Chorus:

When the reason that I'm standing

Stands in front of me

Every battle that I've fought

Will fade from memory

I'll bow before His mighty throne

And fall down on my knees

When the reason that I'm standing

Stands in front of me

The road has not been easy

At times I lost my way

So often I have stumbled

Searching for the light of day

Circumstances all around me

I thought I'd surely fall

When the whispering of doubt fear

Told me "You will lose it all"

But He kept me with His Amazing Grace

And someday soon I'll have the chance

To thank Him face to face

Chorus

We will join the millions

Every kindred tongue and race

Every child of God that day

Will look upon His face

And the heroes and the martyrs

Who died on the pagan sword

We'll all stand together

And declare, "JESUS IS LORD"

When the reason that I'm standing

Stands in front of me

 

 

I challenge everyone to share in my "reason".....:)

 

I was very touched an honored to be sitting next to my mom at Newport's Relay for Life Friday night......I know she was smiling too......

 

 

In Him,

Terri

5, 6, 7, 8!!!

Just got my kiddos tucked in and asleep.....Sambo tucked in and sleeping soundly beside me.  And Syd is finally down.

What. a. week.  I'm past exhaustion and all I have done is been a "James".  In other words, I've been the chauffer.  Practice.....Feed the girls.....to the house for homework....back to the arena for "open gym".....and then elsewhere to practice until "who knows when" before heading "Home James" to study, shower, and catch a few hours of shuteye before doing it all again. 

I've spent the week with Syd and her sweet friends, Abby and Haven.  I am so proud of these girls and their friendships.  Being "Veterans".....and in their second year of tryouts, nerves aren't quite as on edge as last year.  But that doesn't stop them from their determination to get better and working hard.  We have shared a lot of laughs in our time together this week.  Shared some tears during discouraging times.  Shared some giggles when the "second wind" hits and the caffiene kicks in way past bedtime.  And I've watched these girls truly support each other like sisters. 

They are real.  They are honest. They point out each other's unpointed toes, "funky feet", goofy faces, and sloppy turns. They can turn a grumpy attitude into smiles in a moment's notice.  In turn....they compliment each other and truly care and lift each other up during the dark moments. They exhibit kindness to the younger girls and guidance to help them makes my heart smile.  I have sat quietly in a corner watching them all week....and my heart just smiles.  Sweet sweet girls. 

I'm so grateful for Amber Bohannon....who has been with them for weeks.....and taking time from her sweet girls to help us.  She is so uplifting and tough at the same time.  I hope her family knows what a blessing it has been to let us "borrow" her for so many weeks and evenings this particular week.  God bless Amber!  Also, very appreciative of Angela for allowing us to have a space in which to practice.  It really is a group effort behind every dancer! 

Today was mock tryouts.....the girls came out feeling confident but certainly not complacent.  Their bodies are tired, legs are bruised, muscles are strained.  Lord, just get us through one more day.

I made Syd a little basket today of her favorite candies, flowers, balloons and even Children's liquid ibuprofen.  The kid is 14 and can't swallow a pill!  In the basket, I included this prayer that we will pray together tomorrow before tryouts.  No matter the outcome....we will keep our eyes on our heavenly Father. 

 

 

 

This time tomorrow night.....the results will be in.....sigh.  Whatever the outcome, I'm so proud of these girls and am praying for them and all of those trying out tomorrow.  As in all things, there will be both celebration and disappointment.  The extreme in both emotions.  I'm comforted in knowing that our God is present in all outcomes.

 

"Let us praise HIS name in the dance...."   Psalm 149:3

 

I love you Sydney Clare!!!! <3

 

In Him,

Terri

 

Dance Mom....

For many Benton moms....this is "the week from Hades...." Pardon the French.  Dance tryout week.  Where our "dance daughters" are invaded by aliens who allow their bodies no rest, little food, zero sleep and quite frankly make it possible for their attitudes, however UNacceptable, to be tolerated by their parents....because its "Tryout Week."

During tryout week...
Anything and everything can fly out of their mouths.....and we let it.  "Its Tryout Week.". 
We, as family, tip toe around her and walk on eggshells....."It's Tryout Week."
Whatever she wants....she gets.  "It's Tryout Week..."
We run her wherever she wants to go....Get her whatever she wants to eat.....no matter the time of day OR night......"It's Tryout Week."
We turn off all TVs, and let that SAME song blare throughout the house....over and over and over....for her to practice.....because "Its Tryout Week."
We take maroon soffee shorts and plain white tees to the cleaners for pressing....because ....."It's Tryout Week."
You take every single unreasonable request, and make it happen..........."It's Tryout Week."
Hair ribbons ....the perfect hair ribbon becomes almost as important as "The Coming of the Lord"........."It's Tryout Week."
We might even do 8th grade homework this week for her.........."It's Tryout Week."
We feed her Ibuprofen like candy and video-tape her every move with exception of behind the bathroom door.....because ...you guessed it...."It's Tryout WEEK!!"

Yes, I am poking fun.....but I am really....DEAD serious.

If you are not from Benton, this may mean little to you.  Cheer moms suffered this week a few weeks ago.  Now our turn.  Spirit groups from Benton are the best.  The Elite.  State and National Champions.  The Best of the Best.  And let me tell ya.....these uniforms aren't given freely.  They are earned at a price.  I don't mean money....well, let me take that back.  Yes, even that too......at a huge price.

The girls you see on these squads work work work and many don't see how much these dancers work......as hard or harder than any sport out there. It all boils down to one day.  About 10 minutes in front of a panel of judges.  In that 10 minutes.....that you share with 4 or so other girls....you have to perform the required elements flawlessly, remember the 4 dances they are taught in 2 days.....not only remember, but perfect them......and show this panel all they have done to prepare for this day.

I can't speak for all....but my Sydney started dancing at 3.  She doesn't play sports.  She doesn't tumble.  She loves to dance.  All of her eggs are right here in one basket...because she. loves. to. dance.  Dancing competitively for all of these years....traveling from state to state......all the hours of dance classes, all the costumes, all the private lessons.... all of it....prepared her for ....THESE. 10. MINUTES.  What advice do you tell a child???

Last year, I dreaded it like the plague.  To my suprise, Sydney was calm, worked hard, picked up the dances easily, was confident in her skills and was just fine.  UNTIL the day before tryouts.  She pulled a hamstring. The breakdown happened.  For the BOTH of us.   Luckily, we had hours of video tape which we were able to submit for the skills she was unable to do on tryout day.  Like....splits, turns, kicks, leaps, jumps......only everything a dancer is required to do!  :) 

It turned out ok....because she made the team....and her fondest memories and great friendships came from this last year on the Dance Team.  All of it is at stake....once again....Friday afternoon.  For her "10 minutes to shine".  As a mom, as a family.....we prepare. Its hard....as a mom....to place your child's happiness in the hands of others.  I KNOW what she can do.  She KNOWS what she can do.  She just has to show THEM what she can do!

May be silly to pray for such things.  But we pray for everything.  In most other sports.....you can show up, put on a jersey, and even though you may not "play"...you are a part of the team.  This isn't the case.  We have to make it count.  We are a slave to dance.....and the whole year ahead -- comes down to this week.  I've seen heartbroken, disappointed little girls and parents so often.  I know mine isn't exempt.  Important life's lessons are learned at such young ages these days. 

I pray that Sydney use her chance as a Veteran Dancer to be a light to the new girls.  To help and encourage and guide.  To always show grace and kindness to everyone around her.  To be a positive role model and still have that "uniform" on and represent it as if it were truly on her physically.  Whether or not her outcome...that she still charges onward and dances.  Be it for her school....or herself......that she understands that while this is a big deal today.....and a big week.....her happiness lives within herself.

I pray for her safety, and the safety of the others around her.  That she always takes proper care of her body and protects her talents that God has given her.  I pray that she pushes herself to do her very best but to also realize that her best IS enough.
I pray for all of the veteran dancers....the ones moving on to high school....all of them, that their spirits are high and that they are ready to give it their all this week. I pray for their families and for each girl to have the support systems they need to be successful.

When you see a Benton uniform. It means something. Mrs. Hilburn is tough. She demands the most of her girls. She oversees the best teams and her success is nationally known. She and all of those under her are charged with not only building competitive squads, but respectful young women. They are leaders. They are athletes. They smile. They are kind. They are Benton.

That uniform has a lot behind it. Blood, sweat, tears, training, sacrifices....from both the girls and their loved ones....hard work, determination and teamwork. Not just this week....but for years prior to and to come.

Break a leg, babygirl. I'm so glad God chose me to be YOUR "Dance Mom!" Many prayers are going out for you!!

In Him,
Terri

Easter.....

Today is a rainy lazy day here in my world. I've got one kiddo on a weekend road trip with her friend, and another here at home emersed in "March Madness." I have some chores that need to be tended to...but they are in the back burner as I am piled up with a couple of weenie dogs and the remote. They say "an idle mind is the Devil's playground". So here I am on my blog....recording my thoughts, determined not to let that happen.

Tomorrow is Easter. I've been pondering all day on what to wear. My closet is cracked open and I see all the clothes stuffed in there and I know I can find a few things that are appropriate. I remember growing up that Easter Sunday.....I would have a beautiful new dress and almost always a pretty white sweater (because its always cold!) and new Sunday shoes. WHITE shoes. Because it was finally proper to wear white since its ban from Labor Day. :) I would wake up to beautiful bright Easter baskets that always had candy, new pantyhose (yes, pantyhose....I know...ewwww!), and jewelry to match my Easter Dress. My favorite basket was back in the early 80's when "twist beads" were popular. I had a TON of them in my basket that year! My mom was the bomb.

Many years my brother would have a shirt or tie to match my dress and mom would take pictures. I know he was so thrilled. Church was always packed. And rows and rows of Easter lillies lined the alter of the church. You could smell them the minute you opened the door. We also have a "flowering cross" in which was a wooden cross in the front of the sanctuary....empty and dark. It was usually always present during all of the "holy week" activities. Members of the congregation would bring flowers from their yards and gardens....all colors and kinds....and place on the cross. Very beautiful.

Old hymns ....such as The Old Rugged Cross, Because He Lives...and of course..."UP from the grave He Arose...He Arose"....can still hear the pounding of the piano and organ leading us.

We usually attended the sunrise services and then went home to get all "prettied up" and back to Sunday School and church. After church was always a huge meal with family, more Kodak moments and memories. Easter egg hunts and eating too much. Jelly beans, chocolate bunnies, dying eggs, and usually a good old Sunday nap.

Growing up Methodist, I have always practiced the observation of Lent.....and given up something of value to me. Easter marked the end of the period and I could have back whatever "it" was. I was always SO happy for Easter Sunday to roll around!

Oh yeah, I also remember....it was about Jesus. I've been told the Easter story a thousand times in my life. But only recently has it really and truly sank in. What Christ actually went through for ME. More on that in a minute....

My kiddos and David got me watching "The Bible" on TV and its "finale" is on tomorrow night. We have even been competing with Bible quizzes from its phone app. We have used it as a tool to dig deep about Easter this year. And we have. I even, as late as last night, wondered why I haven't bought a new dress, or dug out the Easter baskets. For the first time in years, we haven't dyed eggs. You see? It's no longer about baskets and bunnies. About new clothes, new shoes, fresh manis and pedis and fake tans.

I know that tomorrow, church will be overflowing with people dressed beautifully, children with big smiles, and snazzy outfits. Families will be gathering around large tables with huge meals and wonderful desserts. You will see kiddos hunting eggs and having so much fun. Grandmothers will be thrilled to have all their kiddos and "grand-kiddos" with them for church and lunch.

Facebook and Instagram will be covered up with pictures of families and kiddos in the prettiest clothes ever. Since I gave up FB for Lent, I will be able to actually enjoy those pics! :).

We won't be wearing new clothes tomorrow. Yes, we will dig out our best most "springy" looking attire, and no one will know. We will take a picture together because we take a lot of pictures these days. You won't catch me in white shoes, because I don't own any, and I've not worn a pair of pantyhose since I left home for college! Haha. But we will be pressed and dressed in our Sunday best. We will most likely show up to church a bit early in order to park and get a seat. And share lunch together afterwards. And probably that nap before Part 5 of "The Bible"

I'm not in any way saying that any of the above is wrong.... God wants us in church. God wants us to enjoy holidays and family and friends. He wants us to have fun. He loves us So much.....that He gave us a reason for this day. The same premiss as Christmas..... Sometimes we fail to remember the reason.

My life has changed so much lately. I have really been in prayer and in study of what the meaning of Easter really is. He sent His son. In the flesh. To live and walk with us. To live and breathe as we do. To experience happiness and sadness. He was perfect in every way and experienced the ultimate human suffering. Can you imagine?

I guess in my lifetime, the closest depiction of what he went through was
"The Passion of Christ" movie a few years back. I remember having nightmares after seeing it the first time. The violence and gruesomeness was so extreme. I remember thinking that Mel might have taken it a little too far....that we would have gotten the idea with half the amount of time shown beating our Jesus. But since then, I really think how selfish of me to expect anyone to downplay the amount of human suffering that He experienced. Part of me is nervous to see tomorrow night's ending. I am scared of those reminders....again.

I look at my son. We have had a dark week around here. My heart breaks when he hurts....at the result of his own choices or at those of others....as a mother, I almost can't stand it. There is no other pain close to that of a parent hurting for their child. Just a glimmer of a glance at what God must have felt sacrificing His child. His beating. His crucifixion. Having the power to step in and save Him....like we as mothers wish we could ALL do. But instead he sent His sacrificial lamb for us....because we are ALL his children. And because of Easter, we are promised a walk in eternity with Him. The only way to heaven, is through Jesus. Salvation can only be obtained though Him. What a gift.

Easter should be everyday. We should see beautiful smiles and full church pews every Sunday. Myself included. I realize I've bordered on the offensive here and now I'm downright meddling....but today I praise Him. Tomorrow....Easter Sunday, I will praise Him.... And each day after I will praise Him. If we all celebrated Easter....the true ressurection of Christ Jesus....every day. What a gift back to Him?? What a gift.

I am so grateful of the grace tomorrow represents. And excited to celebrate His ascending into Heaven. Where He is waiting for me. Friends, please don't forget to place a cross in your Easter baskets tomorrow. Metaphorically speaking of course.....And never hide it.....<3

In Him,
Terri

Roxanne...."We'll Remember you....."

I write tonight with a heavy heart.  I can't escape the tears of sadness and just true grief I feel at the loss of my sweet friend and sister.....Roxanne Cousins.  There is a star in the sky tonight just a tad brighter than all of the others.  That....was her smile.

I met Roxanne in my Freshman year at Arkansas State when I pledged Chi Omega....Instant friends because Roxanne made it that way.  The sweetest spirit in anyone I believe I have ever known.  Always always smiling.  And I mean always.  She sang beautifully.....I loved standing near her during Rush, or Sisterhood songs, because her harmony was exquisite....first because I knew she would drown me out, but mostly because I loved to listen to her.  I knew the first time that I heard her sing....that she HAD to sing in my wedding.  In fact, I remember consulting HER practically before anyone else before setting a date.  Graciously, she agreed.

Going to be honest .....  It had been many years since I'd seen or spoken with her until like many of us, we reconnected on facebook.  Shortly after my diagnosis, she reached out to me with a couple of sweet wall posts and messages.  I had no idea she was also in a battle of her own.  Never once did she complain or tell me "her story".....and I was as shocked as anyone at the news today that Ovarian Cancer took her life.  I've been off of facebook during Lent....so if there were any posts, I had totally missed them.

Although she didn't make it to the race, she was a member of "Team Terri" this past October for the SGK Race and she got a Tshirt.  During my chemo treatments, I averaged about 25-30 messages a day from various friends/sisters/family checking on me.  I failed to respond to many of them until days, even weeks later, and I totally didn't respond to some.  I have a few reasons.....I was sick, I was so overwhelmed with so many.....but in hindsight, there is no excuse.  I should have responded.  I broke my "no FB during Lent" promise tonight, only to frantically search my messages trying to find my last exchange with my friend.  Here it is.....

• Conversation started 7 August 2012

Roxanne Cousins

Hey Girl,
I'm so glad to hear you've got the worst behind you! I was meeting with my onc yesterday in LR too - I keep thinking one of these days soon we'll have to meet up there for a quick coffee, if you do coffee. I'm off chemo for the time being and just had a clear scan but my cancer marker (CA125 is what they use for ovarian cancer) has crept up slightly so I might have to get back on the chemo train soon (Yuck) but anyway would LOVE to see you sometime soon. I'm hoping I can make it to that walk in October. You hang in there - you are doing great and have the best attitude ever!!! Hugs, Roxanne

Sent from Mobile

I didn't respond.  :(  It may have been on a day I was sitting in a chemo chair when several messages came in and I didn't see it.....or I thought....I'll write her back in a bit and then my chemo brain clicked in and forgot.  Or I could have been at work and thought I'd respond later and didn't.  Or in my "chemo stupor" that the Red Devil left me in for days.  I don't know.  For whatever reason.....I didn't.  How could I NOT respond to her?  A sweet friend in the midst of her OWN battle reaching out to me.....and I missed it.  I am totally ashamed of myself.

I didn't even remember getting this message or realize that she was even ill.  :(

I know Roxanne, of all people, understands.  In my heart, she loved me....and knew that I loved her.  Oh, how I wish I'd met her for coffee.  Or picked up the phone.  I know she isn't angry with me.....she probably never thought another thing of it....but she has ministered to me in a big way.  After hearing the news today, I immediately reached out to some of my Chi-O friends.....not only to share the information, but to tell them I loved them.  Chance made us "sisters" but love kept us that way.  Roxanne is smiling on us now, because her smile once again led us back to each other. 

In the midst of my search for her last message to me......unfortunately, I found MANY messages without a response.  My momma flat taught be better than that! Even if its a year later....my goal this week is to respond, to each and every message.  I've learned to never leave a friend hanging.  To always take a moment to acknowledge love and comfort extended to me.  No matter what I may be going through, how busy I am, or what the case may be....to always give value to those who took a moment to reach out to me.   My selfishness most likely hurt feelings....and I feel embarrassed and upset beyond words.  My sweet friend/sister Jana reaffirmed today that "we need to stick together and stay close"....
Amen. 

My intention is not to turn it into being about "me" but just another way how this sweet soul touched my life.  And my battles.....oh how small.  Please keep her sweet son, Ethan, her husband, Brad, and all of the many friends and family that she has here missing her tonight. 

As she led us many times.....Here's to you my sweet Roxanne....I know you are leading it beautifully in the "Omega" chapter.....
 

SHADES
In the shades of evening, there will be no grieving
Even though you’re leaving Chi-O far behind you
There’ll be many memories, there’ll be many letters
There’ll be lonely hours, till we meet again then
We’ll have our reunion,
there’ll be toasts and singing
And you’ll hear us bringing praises to you till then
Chi-O now departing, come bid sweet adieu
Chi-O ever after, we’ll remember you!

I love you my sweet friend. 

In Him,
Terri

 

The Letter "D".....

Notice a little different Blog Title.....I feel it appropriate to change the name with an emphasis on the letter "D".....So much so that I added several of them!  :)  Yep, Momma HADDDDD Cancer. 

As a little girl, somehow I got the impression that God was watching everything I did and would clobber me for any bad behavior. I am sure this came from a mother who wanted to instill the fear of God in me — and it worked.  As an adult, I've believed in the words "reap what you sow".....the biblical version of "Karma" if you will....

Like many people who are diagnosed with cancer, I turned to God with questions and prayers after my diagnosis. I didn’t think God GAVE me cancer, but I believed He somehow had allowed it in my life. He had a purpose.  Not that anything I "did" made me "deserve" it.  I was comforted knowing that He would be with me through my battle against the disease. I was also convinced that He had a plan and a purpose for me to go through this trial.

Failed marraige, lost friendships, financial burdens,  the death of my mother, abandonment from my father, and the feeling of inadequacies have challenged my faith but not my belief in the God who created me. He led me through difficult times and into another new life for which I am SO grateful. I never dreamed that a new trial would come through breast cancer. It was easy to feel signaled out for tribulation, and I often joke that there is an angel in heaven who keeps forgetting to strike me off the trials and tribulation list.  :)  Seldom do I forget, however, that there are people on this earth who have endured and survived much worse than me.

Although BC was the worst thing that happened in my world, it was also the best thing; it gave me new insight, greater perspective, and new opportunities. It forced me to become (hopefully) a better person and grow in my faith. God didn’t give me breast cancer, but I understand when people who have believed in God their whole lives and get diagnosed with cancer often feel that He did. It is not a lack of faith to blame God for the disease — on the contrary, it shows a great belief in His omnipotence and existence. The challenge is to turn our faith instead to seeing the bigger eternal picture and plan that God has for our life and to grow along the journey He leads us on.
Why would a loving God allow us to get cancer? Honestly — I don’t know. I can only speculate that He wanted me to learn and to grow, and I am grateful that He was with me on the journey helping me to become a better person through the trial.

I wouldn't wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone.  Nor would I like to go through this again.  It was horrible.  I pray every single day for a cure.  However, I don't wish to have my life back before the cancer.  In spite of all it has taken from me.....it has given me so much more.  More importantly, it made me realize the blessings that I already had.  We are not promised tomorrow....but we ARE promised eternity.  God didn't GIVE me cancer.  Nor did he ALLOW Cancer to attack me and my family.  But He did walk with me, carry me, comfort me and USE me and my diagnoisis for good. And those beautiful, faithful creatures He placed in my life......Sam and Syd.  The epitome of a sweet spirits, faithful servents and children of God.  Look at how they handled this???  I was grown when my mother was attacked by this horrible disease....and didn't handle it with even half the grace they did.  The difference......They allowed God to have control. 

We have been learning from Pastor Rick about "Providential Relationships" and "Pivotal Circumstances"...... If you don't think those exist....come talk to me my friends!  :)  I was once criticized by someone saying that my children only wanted to go to FBC "because they want to be with their friends....".  Well....so what?????  I do. not. care. what gets my children there.  OR what "GOT' my children there.  We are creatures of habit right?  The fact is....they get it.  I get it.  And we are in a loving church home in the "company of Christian friends".  God's hand has always been on us......I just finally learned to give up the controls.....and let Him drive. 

And ya know?  The letter "D" may not be my finale.  I may have to fight again.  It may return.  Or it may strike my family again someday.  This time I will not question Him.  Our faith will carry me and my house through anything!!

There is nothing more comforting than to find peace....true peace.
In Him,
Terri

Spring Forward!

Spring Forward!  <3

What a beautiful week it is!  Longer days....Spring has SPRUNG!  :))  March 10 was a very special day to me.  I was baptized at First Baptist Church in Benton, which is now officially my church home.  I rededicated my life and my sweet Sam shared my testimony with my family, friends, and fellow church family. 

I was so happy that day!!  Meant the world to me that my brother and his family traveled to be here and share in this day with me.  Also my aunt and uncle.  My dad chose not to attend, and I won't pretend not to be disappointed but I didn't let it affect my day.  I also had many of my wonderful friends join me and I was so happy to have them share this day with me!

Thought I would share my testimony......

Terri Baker

Sunday, March 10, 2013   11:11 am

Clay Cunningham, Minister

Sam Baker, Testimony

 

These are my mother’s words:

From the day I was born, my mom had me in church.  Raised in the United Methodist Church, my mother and grandparents were always “fixtures” there whenever the doors were open.  My Papaw even “opened” the doors for the majority of my life.  My fondest memories were growing and knowing Christ from the very beginning. I was baptized as an infant and later confirmed as a young girl.  After college, I served in Youth and Sunday school ministry for many years.  In theory, Christ was no stranger to me.

Like many….there were times in my life where I was separated from God. I will forever keep a photograph in my mind of those dark times so that I can never EVER return there again.  Some were at the hands I was dealt, and others were mistakes and choices I made.  Both forced me to live in shame and such regret.  Bottom line….I was lost. 

When my Sam started middle school, he was asked to attend Youth on Wednesday nights at FBC.  We were active strong members elsewhere and I am a believer that we “all worship under the same roof.”  But we compromised and Sam immediately became involved.  Soon thereafter, Sydney Clare followed suit and both were plugged in.  I reached a time when I felt the need for a new church home and it seemed like God was telling me strongly to come to FBC.  My children were here, most all of our friends were here….so I answered the call and immediately fell completely in love.  Some of my mother’s last words to me were “continue to raise your children in the company of Christian friends.”  God immediately placed FBC in our future.

              God is always present in our home.  When I am struggling, my children renew my faith, and vice versa.  From Sam’s reminder of Philippians 4:13 on his wrist, to Sydney’s verse reminders daily on the fridge….We are a team. I stand here today in a journey to make our family complete in the Lord.  I want to be the kind of woman that my son searches everywhere to find.  And the kind of example to my Sydney, that she wants to be the woman I am becoming…just as I honor and seek to be like my own mother.  I seek guidance from my God and accountability from my friends and church family.  For we really are a “Village”.   That the world truly knows “We are Christians by our Love”.  I’ve been reminded over the last year, that even when we separate ourselves from Him, all we have to do is turn our faces back to Him and He RUNS to us…arms wide open.  There is no doubt in my mind that He placed my little family exactly where we needed to be.  I couldn’t waste another minute and literally have been so excited about this day.  True redemption and salvation is leaving it all at the foot of the cross and no longer living in shame, fear and regret.  I am totally rededicating my life to my God and am no longer embarrassed of where I’ve been. Instead, I can be so incredibly proud of where I’ve come.  I want to tell EVERYONE about  Jesus!!!

              My flaws are visible.  I’m not perfect.  I have fallen short.  I’ve been a sinner.  I have been weak. But today, through His grace, I am His child and I am new…..just as He promised.  I know that He has plans for me.  He has work for me to do.  He has blessed me with my two precious children.  I’ve been given another chance at love . A job with Godly examples of Christian men to work for and with daily.  A loving spirit filled church home here at FBC.  He has restored my health. He gives me joy in simple things. Gives me eyes for true beauty.  A tongue for truth.  A heart that loves.  A soul that forgives.  A mind that reasons.  A sympathy that understands.  Friends who are like family.  And family who are friends.  A longing to be kind.  And this “village” to hold me accountable.  And at the close of each day…I will lead MY family to praise and glorify HIM.  And when I happen to fall short, my family will lead ME.   From Joshua 24:15:   “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” 

 

Note from my kiddos:

 

            

Here are a couple of pics from my day:

 

20 foot Clay and Terri.....:)  Sam is to the right on the mic, sharing my testimony above.

 

 

Clay Cunnigham and I just before the service.

 

 

 

This was my mother's ring.  She wasn't a flashy person and this was a little dinner ring that she bought for herself, so I know she loved it!  The only piece of jewelry I have of hers....and I cherish it.  I wore this to have a piece of her with me.  :)  I know she is preparing a place for me in heaven someday, and my salvation is my ticket there!  :)

 

I think I'll close.  Pray for me friends, as I "Spring Forward" into my new walk with Christ....I know Satan is gonna be hard a work!  :)) 

 

In Him,

 

Terri